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6 Effective Tips On How To Deal With Fear

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Sooner or later every person asks this question: “How do I deal with fear?”. Fear is one of the most important life lessons every human being learns. Overcoming our fears always makes us stronger. But when we don’t know how to deal with fear it can make our life miserable and destroy us completely.

Life requires the greatest courage. If you are in a state of fear, you do not live, you exist. Living in fear is worse than death. Fear paralyzes you and takes your energy. It is fear that is the root cause of most diseases, as it absorbs a huge amount of energy. There is not a single person on Earth who has not experienced fear or its variations at least once – anxiety, panic, self-doubt, jealousy, etc. That’s why it is so important to know how to deal with fear.

Only brave people can live their lives to the fullest and be happy. However, the paradox is that it is useless to fight fear. Every time we fight against something, we give even more energy to our fear. As a result, it becomes even stronger, and we become weaker.

So how do we deal with fear then? First of all, let’s find out what the nature of fear is.

Understanding The Nature Of Your Fear

Fear is energy, or rather its excessive amount (CHA), which occurs when the object of fear is given excessive importance. Excess energy (CHA) disrupts the balance (LAN) in the energy field and creates a balancing force aimed at its elimination (SO).

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For example, if you are walking on the edge of a cliff and are terrified of falling, the balancing forces will try to eliminate the excess energy in the easiest way. In this way, they will push you into the abyss, thereby ending with you as a carrier of excess energy. However, this option does not suit you, so you try your best to keep yourself calm, resisting the actions of balancing forces. In order to balance the excess energy that fear carries, you begin to put extra effort, as a result of which you will lose even more energy.

If the excess energy contained in fear is large enough, you lose control of it. And then the balancing forces do whatever they want to you. You start to panic and fall into the abyss from the cliff.

So, If  Fight Your Fear Is Useless, What Can We Do Then?

Any fighting is always useless indeed. Especially when we’re talking about our fears. But there is something we can always do about our fears. Let me share with you my tips on how to deal with fear. They can help you to look at your fears from another angle and take control of them.

6 Tips On How To Deal With Fear

1. Reduce the amount of energy you give to fear

When you find yourself in a state of a panic attack, the first thing you should do is to reduce the amount of energy you give to fear as quickly as possible. To do this, you need to quickly switch your attention to something else. In other words, you need to start doing something. The activity does not necessarily have to concern itself. It’s enough to just make yourself busy with something, no matter what. As soon as you begin to actively engage in something abstract, you will feel your fear and anxiety have subsided.

This way you redirect your energy from thoughts to actions. There is no free energy left for feeding your fear, as it has been transformed into action. As a result, you calm down and stop radiating negativity, that as we all know always attracts what you are afraid of.

2. Create a Plan B

My second tip on how to deal with fear is to reduce its excessive importance by creating the so-called “Plan B”. By “Plan B” I mean a backup option. In other words, speculate on what you will do if what you feared will happen? Think about your behavior. And, thus, calm yourself down.

For example, you are afraid to take the exam because you are afraid to “fail” it. Imagine that you have already “failed”. What are you going to do? Most likely, you will retake it. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Even if you do not pass now, next time you will pass for sure. Take the retake as a backup and take it with you to the exam as a “Plan B” option.

girl sitting at the library image

However, do not cling to this option. Just formulate it for yourself, and set it aside. Don’t feed it with your energy. Keep it in your head as a backup option, but visualize at the same time what you want to get ideally – a good score for the exam.

You can use the following affirmation:

“Universe, I trust you completely. I know that you will organize everything in the best way for me anyway. But if possible, please make sure that I pass the exam and get a good grade for it. Thanks!”

3. Observe your fear

My third tip on how to deal with fear is to neutralize it by observing it.

Fear has a significant impact on your life only if you are not able to see yourself from the outside. Look at fear consciously. As soon as you start watching how afraid you are, you will come to realize what is really happening to you. Let yourself be afraid, but do it consciously. In the state of awareness, you do not give energy to your fear, so your negative expectations are not realized.

However, if you start to fight your fear (to force yourself not to be afraid), it means that you attach great importance to it. As a result, you give your energy to fear, due to which it is manifested in your reality.

Thus, it is necessary to stop fighting fear and resist it. Go towards your fear and allow yourself to be scared. Understand that trembling with fear means trying to overcome it. The tremor happens due to the great loss of energy when you begin to attach great importance to your fear. But, when you consciously enter into your fear, you will see how your fear will gradually disappear.

4. Understanding that everything is logical in our Universe

My fourth tip on how to deal with fear is to understand that the Universe never wastes its energy. Everything is logical – it is simply not profitable to spend energy on something that requires large energy costs. Trouble is always associated with high energy costs. And pleasant events, on the contrary, are the norm, and, accordingly, require minimal energy consumption.

When the mind does not understand the law of least resistance, it begins to struggle with the Universe, creating obstacles and new problems. It is the mind, not the Universe! The mind tries to control everything, creating a scenario of undesirable events. And, paradoxically, it is you, and not someone else, scrolling in your head all those thoughts about what you are afraid of and what you do NOT want. And this is how you create for yourself a reality that is full of negative events. Everything is logical – we attract what we reflect.

logical Universe image

The thing is, you don’t know and you can’t know how things are supposed to develop in the Universe for your Highest good. So stop constantly worrying about all the possible scenarios. All you have to do is formulate a firm intention to get what you DO WANT and stop focusing on what you would like to avoid. Trust the Universe – it always organizes everything in the best way for you.

Very soon you will notice that all the circumstances in your life begin to develop favorably, as if by themselves, and without your intervention. It is not profitable for the Universe to make troubles for you, not only because it loves and always cares about you, but, above all, because less energy is spent in this way.

When you are happy and satisfied, you draw energy from your Inner source through the positive vibrations that you yourself radiate. When you worry and panic, being under the influence of your ego, you block the connection with your internal source of energy and begin to “pull” this energy directly from the Universe or from the energy field of the people around you, thereby, committing energy theft and violating the Law of energy exchange in the Universe. Moreover, this energy you spend on your negative emotions, creating, thereby, negative energy radiation on the Earth. Of course, such radiation is extremely unprofitable for the Universe. So to compensate for the energy you took from it, it will give you exactly what resonates with your radiation. If you radiate fear, then, accordingly, you will get exactly what you are so afraid of.

Note:

the Internal source of man contains as much energy as the Universe has given him according to his individual development and needs. The increase in the amount of human energy of the internal source occurs through the disclosure of its internal potential. Negative emotions are a form of blocking of the inner potential, which prevents the flow of energy from the internal source. A person under the influence of negative emotions begins to take energy directly from the universal source or from the energy field of the people around him, which leads to a violation of the law of energy exchange.

The Universe compensates for the “stolen” energy by taking away from a person what is important to him: health, close people, well-being, etc. We always receive energy of exactly the quality that we radiate. Negativity always attracts Negativity.

5. Stop vibrating at the low frequency

young woman smiling image

My fifth tip on how to deal with fear is about offensive people. If you are afraid that you may be offended by a particular person, you need to stop vibrating at the same frequency with him. The one who wants to hurt you emits a low vibration: negative emotions such as aggression, anger, hatred, etc. Because he emits these vibrations, it requires energy to maintain him. Moreover, this energy must be similar to the energy of his emotions – that is, it must also be negative.

The most convenient way to obtain the energy of this quality is to cause fear in his victim. Thus, the victim will give him his energy through the manifestation of fear. This, incidentally, is one of the most common forms of energy vampirism. At the same time, fear always attracts exactly what you are afraid of.

To eliminate this type of fear, it is enough to be really indifferent to a potential offender. Just stop thinking about him, consciously letting him go.

6. Understanding that fear lives in the future

This is my last but very important tip on how to deal with fear. It is very important to realize that fear does not exist in the present moment, it always exists in the future. You are always afraid of something that may happen in the future.

For example, if you are on the edge of a cliff, you are afraid that you may fall. But you will fall in the future, not now. Falling into the abyss even in a second is your future, not the present. In the present moment, you are standing on the edge of a cliff, and you’re not falling into it. In other words, in the present moment, you are doing well.

Or, for example, you are afraid to go to the exam. Realize exactly what you are afraid of. Most likely get a bad score. But even if it happens, it will happen in the future. At this moment you are at home preparing for the exam – right now there is absolutely nothing to be afraid of.

Or, for example, you are afraid of flying on a plane. Be aware of what your fear is specifically associated with. After all, in fact, you are not afraid of the plane, and not even the flight. In fact, you are afraid to die in a plane crash. That is, your real fear is the fear of death, not the plane and not the flight. And now, notice what’s happening in the present moment. You’re sitting in a comfortable airplane seat, the stewardess offers you a cup of tea – there is nothing to be afraid of, everything is good.

fear of flying image

Thus, fear always lives in the future. And if you feel fear, then you live there with it. You’re not in the present moment. So instead of actively fighting your fear, just go back to the present moment. Do it right now. Stop reading this article for a moment and look around. This is your present. Just a moment separates your present from the past and the future. The present moment is fleeting and barely perceptible, but it is from this moment that the whole life develops. There is no life either in the past or in the future, it is only in the present. So enter the present moment totally, feel its presence, and you will see that there is no fear.

The past is gone – it’s dead. There is no future yet – it was not born. Every moment of your life die for your past and be born for the future. You will be able to relax only when the past will cease to pull you back, and the future will stop contracting you in a state of fear. In the present moment, we are calm, relaxed, balanced, immortal. In the present moment, we are in peace and harmony!


Katya Ki is the Founder of SOLANCHA Magazine, a Metaphysical Expert, a Reiki Master, and Human Rights Attorney. She has been studying Eastern metaphysics, cosmology, and esotericism for almost 20 years now. And she's still discovering new knowledge, which is hidden in ancient teachings. During her pilgrimage to the monastery of Saint Catherine in Egypt, she discovered the SOLANCHA System. This is how the SOLANCHA journey started!

Personal Development

Lagom: Swedish Philosophy For Living a Meaningful Life

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Did you know that Sweden is one of the happiest countries in the world? What do they do so differently that it helps them stay happy and satisfied with their lives? The answer is found in one word – lagom.

In this article, I will share with you what lagom is and how we can all implement it into our lives and make it more balanced and meaningful.

What Is Lagom?

Lagom (pronounced “lar-gohm”) is the Swedish philosophy that focuses on finding balance in your everyday life through moderation.

This word can be translated as “Not too little. Not too much. Just right.” In other words, if you focus on having enough but not too much, you create a balanced mindset.

The famous Swedish proverb says “There is virtue in moderation”. And this is the main difference between our american mindset which makes us always seek the next best thing.

Lagom philosophy is the opposite of materialism and consumerism. It focuses on creating a balanced, sustainable lifestyle that welcomes the pleasures of existence rather than those of consumption. This philosophy is very practical and applied to everyday lives – food, clothes, lifestyle, work, etc.

Lagom is all about having only what you need. It is the new minimalism for anyone who wants to live with fewer material possessions but aim to enjoy a more meaningful and happier life.

Don’t they get bored living like this?

Lagom is not a rejection of pleasure, but the ability to indulge in it in a moderate and balanced way. Of course, the Swedes also allow themselves to deviate from the plan. If you’ve ever been to Sweden you know what an incredibly strong coffee they brew! Not to mention punch-rolls, chocolate balls, cinnamon buns that Swedes adore. However, after a little indulgence, they do not punish themselves with strict diets but get back to a moderate and balanced lifestyle.

How to practice lagom?

Now let’s talk about how we can implement lagom into our daily life. As I already mentioned, it can be applied to all areas of life. In this article, I will share with you some ideas on how to do it.

Step 1: Inspect your home

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If we try to highlight the area where the Swedes are #1, it is home organizing. Impeccable Sweden style is not overloaded and attracts the eye.

But how did the Swedes manage to create this balance?

They have an innate desire for minimalism and absolutely no desire for hoarding. That’s why there are no boxes in Swedish homes filled with old things like broken phones, a dozen old sweaters, and jeans that we vow to wear one day, old magazines, etc.

Here’s a little clutter test for you. Check the correct statements box:

  • You have a box or drawer with the items that you never use.
  • It takes you more than five minutes to find the right thing.
  • You feel stressed if your friends come to visit you without an invitation because you have to do a big cleaning first.
  • You have things that you don’t use or things that you don’t like anymore.

If you have marked more than two points — it’s time to think about how to throw out the excess.

Here are a few tips on how to declutter without stress:

  • Don’t try to do it all at once. Take 10 minutes a day to declutter.
  • Distribute items in three boxes: keep, give away/donate, and throw away.
  • Use the “buy one thing, get rid of one” rule.
  • Do not allow the emergence of “hot spots” where junk tends to accumulate.
  • Keep your toiletries in a special box.
  • Keep all your papers and documents in folders.

Step 2: Infuse your house with lagom

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Reduce the number of items

For several months, once a week, remove one item from each room — and very soon you will notice that the energy of your house has improved.

Be mindful of what you buy

If you buy a new item, let it be not only beautiful but also functional and high-quality item. Look for handmade items, visit fairs, and meet new artists and designers. But before you buy anything ask yourself if you really need it or perhaps your home already has everything you need.

Invite nature into your house

Use natural eco-friendly materials in the decor. Get indoor plants. Collect twigs, snags, acorns, pebbles from the beach — all this brings you closer to nature. As you may already know, nature heals and if you invite nature into your house you also infuse it with peaceful and healing energy.

Do not clutter the house

Keep it simple. For each new item, get rid of one old.

Step 3: Be mindful of your food

We, Americans, tend to waste lots of food. It makes us spend more money than you probably should. But if we become more mindful in planning and organizing food we can actually save more money than you may think. And the less money we spend the less stress we have. Here are a few tips on how to be more organized with your food.

Freeze your food

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Label the bags of frozen items so that you don’t confuse chili with strawberries.

You can freeze herbs, juice, coconut milk in ice molds.

Freeze overripe bananas so you don’t waste them. You can use them later for making ice cream or smoothies.

Don’t let the vegetables wither

To keep salad leaves and green leafy vegetables fresh longer, wash them, put them in a sealed bag, and put them in the vegetable compartment.

Too much parsley or dill? Finely chop it and freeze it. You can use it for soups and other dishes.

Buy seasonal and local products

Do not use expensive imported ingredients brought from the other side of the planet for preparing your meals. Try to always buy local veggies, berries, and fruit. Find out which fruits and vegetables are in season and try to cook seasonally.

Plan your menu a week in advance

This is a super helpful tip for those who want to reduce the amount of food waste. During the week, prepare simple dishes. Leave new and complex recipes for the weekend, when you have more time. This will also help you to be less stressed about not having enough time.

Step 4: Create a balance between work and personal time

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We tend to go from one polarity to another. Today we’re working hard with no breaks and rest, and tomorrow we are so exhausted that have zero motivation even to get up from the bed. Lagom teaches us to create a balance between work and personal time that you can use for hobby, yoga, rest, or other things you like to do during your free time. Here are some tips on how to do it.

Reduce the number of tasks scheduled for the week and weekend

On the weekend, choose one day when you have nothing planned. This is a day for restoring balance, spending time spontaneously, and communicating with your family and friends.

Good rest is the key to efficiency and stress reduction

Try to go to bed on time and get up a little earlier than usual. An extra half hour in the morning will give you a sense of control over time and self-confidence that you are unlikely to be able to experience while doing everything on the run. If it is still dark outside when you get up, light a candle and drink tea from your favorite mug. It will give you a feeling of self-care and the necessary comfort for feeling safe and relaxed.

Step 5: Take care of your health

Swedish Philosophy For Living a Meaningful Life Image

A healthy body and a balanced mind lead to a happy life and less stress. Lagom gives us some tips on how to take care of our health and be more balanced.

Make your workout easier and don’t overdo it

Everyone should make time for rest, work, and active movement. Find a way to work out in a way that brings real benefits to both body and spirit. Make sure that you actually enjoy your workout time. For example, go for a run alone to clear your mind, or go for a walk with friends to chat. If you feel like lifting weights brings more stress to you than enjoyment, then maybe yoga or cardio exercises will suit you better? Don’t try to copy others. Find your own unique way to work out and enjoy it!

Seek balance, but don’t be obsessed with it

There is no doubt that balance is the key component for our physical and mental health. However, we all need to accept that there can always be a slight imbalance in life. There is no need to feel stressed about it. Each of us, from time to time, has days when we have too much work and it’s hard to find time for quality rest. Sometimes it is impossible to find time for the gym and working out. Don’t feel stressed or guilty about that.

Keep it simple

Use natural cosmetics. Skincare is really simple — healthy food, rest, and fresh air will do almost all the work for you.

Step 6: Spend more time outside in contact with nature

Swedish philosophy lagom image

Swedes love to spend time in nature. More than half of Sweden’s territory is covered with forest. Nature is an integral part of Swedes’ life.

The state also strongly supports such leisure. In Sweden, there is a concept called “Allemansrätten” – everyone’s right to access certain public or privately owned land, lakes, and rivers for recreation and exercise. Everyone can freely walk, pick mushrooms and berries, and camp in any place if it does not disturb the peace of others. So, Swedes in any weather go out of town, have picnics, go sailing, etc.

In 2016, the World Wide Fund for Nature conducted a study that found that those who regularly go out to nature feel happier and healthier. Another study also showed that during these “nature time”, we calm down, restore the psyche, and become more creative and peaceful.

Step 7: Don’t get involved into arguments

Try to cultivate peace in every communication you have. Instead of passionately proving your point, try to always find a compromise. If you feel like your opinion is not welcomed, let your opponent keep his/her views, don’t try to change them. Arguments and conflicts lead to stresses, disappointments, and breakups. You can always walk away from the argument and let people have their opinions.

Step 8: Invite celebration into your life

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Arrange small celebrations for yourself for your family and friends. In Sweden, there are many traditions that are designed to unite friends, colleagues, and family members. For example, the sacred Swedish Fika ritual – a coffee break with sweets. Its essence is simple: a hot drink, a treat, and communication without haste. Or Fredagsmys – a cozy Friday ritual, when you are gathering with the family, watch a movie, and eat something tasty. It is these small traditions that create unforgettable memories, evoke a smile, and create a feeling of being loved. This atmosphere reduces stress and makes life more enjoyable.

The Bottom Line

You can start practicing lagom by asking yourself, “Is this lagom?”. When you look inside your crowded closet, or when a big portion of food is placed in front of you, or when you consider that second cookie, ask yourself if you really need it, if it is lagom. Constantly, try to build that balance between work and your personal life. Always make sure you find time to do the things you love. Keep track of your spending, consciously reduce your environmental impact on the world, take purposeful breaks from work, spend quality time with family and friends. By bringing lagom into your life you become much happier, more peaceful, and less stressed.


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Personal Development

3 Tips On How To Get Excited About Life Again

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How To Get Excited About Life Again Image

Do you feel like life isn’t exciting enough? That maybe you’re missing out on something because you just can’t get motivated for anything? Turns out you’re not alone. Most people find it’s more difficult to feel motivated and be excited about life in uncertain times. Therefore, we came up with 3 helpful tips on how to get excited about life again! Read on!

How To Get Excited About Life Again?

When you go on social media you see all those digital influencers with clear goals and commitment to their development. They are highly motivated, inspired by their lives, and looking great. And you find yourself not motivated, not excited, not knowing where to go or what to do, feeling a certain awkwardness, and even guilt for not being like they are.

At such times, you either go into “a bunker of apathy” and turn away from the world or begin a state of overactive almost violent activity, just to justify yourself to others and to yourself.

What can you do if your “internal compass” is broken and no longer shows you what direction to move anymore? What can you do when you don’t know what you want? How do you get rid of apathy and lack of inspiration?

Here are 3 simple tips on how to get excited about life again, find your path, and bring the spark back into your relationship with life.

#1: Take a “vacation” from obligations

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Sometimes your dreams and goals simply have no place in your life, because most of it is occupied by obligations.

Starting from school, we try to acquire “musts” and “shoulds”. Our parents, relatives, teachers set their expectations to meet, and gradually our own dreams disappear. You know what your husband/wife wants, what your children want, what your boss needs from you, but when it comes to you, all you remember is a long list of obligations.

Try for a while, at least for one day, to pause all the burdensome duties. Take a day off from work, order food delivery, turn off your phone, keep the TV off – to free yourself from all obligations and worries to simply be alone with yourself and your thoughts.

In peace and quiet, when you don’t have to do anything, listen to yourself. Dedicate this one day off to practicing mindfulness, meditating, pranayama, yoga, and relaxing. Keep your thoughts away from worries about the future. Focus on the present moment.

After such a “vacation” you will find that your mind is much more clear and your body is rested.

#2: Tune in to your own frequency

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In our digital era, it often happens that we lose our bearings and go astray due to external noise. Under the influence of social networks and the opinions of others, it may seem like your personal goals are not big enough and unworthy of your time and energy.

Social media influencers form a collective opinion that goals like opening a multi-million dollar business or becoming famous are the goals that worth our time. But what if your goal is to learn a deep meditation, or improve your astral traveling skills or develop unconditional love or compassion? What if you want to become a librarian or elementary school teacher? What if you are more passionate about gardening than building a million-dollar company?

Unfortunately, it is a very common thing that unique and very talented people are wasting their time trying to chase false goals and building a false personality that doesn’t match their true selves.

Society tells us the trends we are supposed to follow though these trends can completely contradict our own passions.

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Get 100,000 followers like fashion influencers, lose 30 pounds like workout coaches, visit 20 new countries like travel bloggers… You’re following all these people as motivation to become like them, to succeed like them, to be famous like them. But what if you’re just following the very wrong kind of people? What if your true inspiration is beyond social media?

Think about it! Do you feel frustrated with your personal achievements when you’re scrolling the feed? Do you feel a little (or maybe a lot) jealous about people on social media? Be honest! How do THEY make you feel?

Now try to scan through the people you follow. Find the ones that make you feel small or chase the goals that don’t really resonate with you and unfollow them. You don’t need this kind of influence!

Instead follow the people that resonate with your goals, the teachers that share really valuable information that educate you, the scientists that share innovations, the psychologists that help you to learn more about your blocks and emotions, the artists that share real art and show the highest levels of creativity, the nature pages that help you discover the beauty of the planet we live in, etc.

This, so-called, “social media detox” will help you to save your time and energy from chasing somebody else’s goals, free space for your own inspiration, and creativity.

#3: Expand your “menu”

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It is likely that you do not have enough diverse experience and knowledge about the world to decide what you really want now. A simple example: you probably won’t want a butternut squash smoothie if you’ve never tried it. Similarly in life – it is unlikely that you will have a desire to do bungee jumping if you don’t know much about it.

It is really difficult to decide what you want when your “menu” does not have too many options. Try to expand your palette of life opportunities by trying something new. Think about trying a new hobby (like belly dancing, Zumba, aikido, singing lessons, landscape design, learning a foreign language, etc.) or even a profession.

Try to find activities that you’ve never been involved in before, something new, and that you’ve never thought of doing. It will totally change your energy, your consciousness will expand, and you will start seeing life from a much wider perspective.

The Bottom Line

In moments you lack inspiration, feel apathy, and a loss of purpose, it is important not only to dive into yourself in search of answers but also from time to time to look around – open up to new things and look for something that will respond to you. We hope our tips on how to get excited about life again will help you get out of any stagnation and re-discover your true goals and life purpose.


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Personal Development

7 Things You Should Not Justify To Other People

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In this article, I want to share with you 7 things you shouldn’t justify to other people.

Why do we justify ourselves to other people?

One of the best things about us, human beings, is that we are all different. We have our unique experiences and influences that have shaped us the way we are. We all are going through the phases of realization, development, and growth in one way or another. And this uniqueness has its pros and cons. It can attract people that are inspired by our authenticity. But also we can be misunderstood or even judged for being our unique selves by others.

Modern society has shaped our minds in a way that whenever we feel judged we rush to explain ourselves and apologize. But is it really necessary to justify ourselves all the time?

You see, most of the time the justification is based on conscious or subconscious guilt. We may feel that if people judge us then we must be wrong. Sometimes the reason for that is fear of being rejected or not being good enough. And unfortunately for most people, there is only one solution to this problem – the justification. We tend to explain ourselves for being understood and accepted by others. And some of us even go further – trying to justify ourselves even before we do something.

Guilt as a manipulation tool

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People often use guilt as a manipulation tool trying to make us feel bad about ourselves. And when you feel so bad and guilty you’re willing to do whatever it takes to fix it. Many people use it for getting whatever they want from you.

When we allow this to happen we silently start valuing other’s opinions more than our capability to make choices. And when people have such great control over your mind and actions they take away any freedom for self-expression and decision making.

This is how we can get into a trap of mental manipulation.

Do we need to justify ourselves at all?

Yes, sometimes we need to explain our actions, admit mistakes, and give people our reasons for the choices we make. And sometimes it is even necessary to apologize and take responsibility for the conflict.

However, each situation should be attentively analyzed. Always pay attention to the intentions of the individual who is addressing your blame. Is he/she trying to provoke a conflict? Is he/she trying to avoid conflict and solve a problem? Is he/she trying to get something from you by making you feel guilty?

Such analysis will help you to see the situation more clearly and get a deeper understanding of choosing the right next steps.

Justification as a habit

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There are many people who have a habit of justifying themselves at the slightest provocation. It may seem like they are just trying to avoid a conflict but in reality, this habit can be very destructive.

First of all, you need to understand that not all people need your explanations. Moreover, your justification can make them feel uncomfortable. By trying to justify yourself you may violate someone’s personal boundaries. When you give an explanation that wasn’t asked, you force people to give you their opinion on the situation you’re trying to explain. Those people may not even want to be involved in such a discussion and they may lose energy trying to convince you that “it’s all good, you don’t need to explain yourself”.

Such a habit can be a result of misbalance in your Throat chakra (Vishuddha). To solve this problem, try to be more mindful of what you’re saying and how you’re reacting to certain things. Try to consciously control yourself and your speech. Try to notice all the situations when you automatically start justifying yourself. Ask yourself: “Is it really necessary in this particular case?”

7 Things You Should Never Justify to Other People

Psychologists identify a number of situations when you should not justify to others.

You should not justify to other people for:

#1: Acting in your own interests, taking care of yourself first

This is a normal need for any mentally healthy person. We will not be able to take care of others if we ourselves are not feeling well or harmed in some way.

#2: Your feelings

Are you too sensitive and emotional? This is your way of communicating with this world. You don’t need to explain yourself or apologize for this.

#3: Being weird

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We will always look weird to people who don’t share our opinions or lifestyle. You should not justify yourself for being who you are, living your life the way you chose to live, having hobbies, and beliefs that are different from others’. Appreciate the ways you choose to express yourself and celebrate your life!

#4: Choosing certain friends or partners

Sometimes our parents or other family members make us feel like we need to explain why we date someone who “is not a good match for us” according to their opinions. Some friends of ours can be “a problem” for our other friends.

Have you ever been questioned about your friendships? Have you ever been placed in a position when one of your friends made you decide “me or him/her.” You don’t need to justify yourself for your choices of friends or partners.

It’s nobody’s business for what qualities you value somebody and want to keep them in your circle.

#5: Being more successful than others

This one has always been the toughest for me. I’ve been hiding whatever I was able to accomplish and felt guilty for my successes. I felt that my friends were jealous trying to make me feel like I didn’t deserve it. And eventually, I accepted their opinion.

I never talked about how difficult it was for me to accomplish something. And when somebody told me: “you just got lucky”, I would agree with this, though deep inside I knew it has nothing to do with luck. Eventually, this is what I started telling people even before they called me lucky: “Oh I just got lucky. It’s not a big deal”.

being successful image

I felt guilty for making people feel jealous. And that was definitely a big block that held me back on my path.

Eventually, I realized that everyone has opportunities, everyone is free to use them or not, everyone chooses their own path. If I decided to focus on hard work and commit to my goals this is the decision that led me to my accomplishments, there is nothing to feel guilty about. There is no need to justify to other people why I have something that others don’t.

The key here is not to let your ego make you think that you’re better than anyone else. Each person sees success differently. Don’t compare yourself to others and don’t judge others’ accomplishments!

#6: Being less successful than others

Don’t justify to other people for not being able to achieve the same success level as others, for choosing a different path, for making mistakes on your career path.

You’re growing through experience. Any comparison on your journey is inappropriate. Each path is unique. Only you can decide when to start, when to quit, when to push, and when to slow down.

Don’t feel bad about yourself if you’re not moving as fast as others. Your experience is very unique and no one can tell you what your own success looks like. Only you know it!

#7: Setting Healthy Boundaries

setting boundaries image

Don’t feel guilty and don’t justify yourself to other people when you feel the need to set healthy boundaries.

I think most people feel this need at some point but most of us struggle to do it.

Setting boundaries can feel like we are rejecting others and being uncompassionate in their moment of need. Though in reality maintaining healthy boundaries kills resentment and nurtures our compassion for others.

Putting others first leaves you feeling depleted, resentful and with your needs largely unmet. This means you are then likely to turn to others to get those needs met, which they will then try to do out of a similar sense of obligation and to avoid guilt.

Therefore it is so important to find the power within to set healthy boundaries in the first place.

The Bottom Line

It’s ok to apologize and explain yourself when it is necessary. However, don’t turn it into a habit. Be mindful of what you’re saying and why. Make sure you always recognize your right to be who you are, and your right to make mistakes, learn, and be your unique self.


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