In this quick guide, we focus on the hovering narcissist. The kind that will do all they can to pull you back into the abusive relationship, as you try to run away from the hurt and pain. Often, we fall into the hands of a narcissistic leader, parent, spouse, or friend without knowing it. You know, this person could be taking advantage of your relationship to manipulate or control you using verbal or emotional abuse. Deep down, you go through unpleasant emotions that are quite confusing. And, you may end up trying to justify the narcissistic behavior as a way to cope. More so, you lose your self-esteem and even fall into depression.

Which Narcissist Are You Dealing with?

Now, if you sense that the person you trust is a narcissist, plan to guard yourself against any potential abuse from them. But how can you tell if the person is a narcissist in the first place? More so, which type of narcissist are they?

The Hovering Narcissist: Who? Why?

A narcissist finds fulfillment in creating drama and victimizing others. Hence, they need their victims around them to fulfill this desire. Moreover, there is a thin line between a genuine partner trying to reconcile a broken relationship and a hovering narcissist luring you back to their control. Can you tell the difference?

The Signs

Below are the 8 signs you could be a victim of a hovering narcissist: –

#1: Random “Love Bombs”

A hovering narcissist is usually in a panic mode, trying to mend a relationship before you exit their lives for good. For this, they may resort to “love bombing” you with lots of random messages or phone calls.

For example:

• Seeking your opinion about what they are doing at the moment
• Asking you to send greetings or best wish messages to someone you both know
• Reminding you how nice you look in the dress or bracelet they bought you
• Apologizing for sending you “love notes”

These random acts are well calculated; to get you to remember the soft side of the narcissist.

#2: Ignores the Abusive Past

In line with sending random love messages, a hovering narcissist will try as much as possible to make you forget the abusive past. Like you could be nursing a physical or emotional wound, but they treat you like nothing happened. Or, they change the subject of your conversations whenever you bring up their history of abuse.

#3: Holds on to a Dead Relationship

You know the relationship is over. And, you’ve clearly expressed your views to your partner. Yet, regardless of them agreeing with your sentiments, they try all they can to continue relating with you. Like, they will pick up the kids, take you to dinner, or ask you about your favorite movie, pretending that all is okay. In addition, think of the times a fiancé shows up to take your pet for a walk like before, barely a week after you break up.

#4: Entices You with Gifts

Do you love being pampered with gifts? If so, a hovering narcissist will use this chance to shower you with unexpected gifts. For example, this person may never remember your birthday or wedding anniversary. But, when they sense you are about to leave them, they bring you an anniversary gift out of the blues.

#5: Feigns Apologies

A hovering narcissist is always “remorseful”. However, it is a mere show to convince you to stay. Once you are back, the abuse continues. For example, a hovering narcissistic leader will own up to being too harsh the last time they gave out punishment for your mistakes. Yet, the next time you are in the wrong, the punishment may be worse.

Then, one easy way to identify a fake apology is by observing the narcissist’s reaction when you shift the conversation or turn down their apology. The narcissist will get upset, make dramatic declarations, or even get violent.

#6: Manipulates You through Others

Now, when a hovering narcissist fails to get to you with all their manipulative tactics, they do it indirectly through the people you cherish. For example, a spouse may send a child to intimidate their partner. Here, they may tell the child that the mom or dad is leaving; asking the child to beg the parent not to go. In turn, you feel sorry for the child and opt to stay.

#7: Overpromising and Failing to Deliver

Does your partner complain that you nag them about that exotic trip to the Maldives, moving to a new house, or getting the latest iPhone? Well, a hovering narcissist will suddenly want to fulfill all these requests, “unconditionally”. However, they will not deliver any of these promises. 

#8: Threats of Self-Harm

Some hovering narcissists will threaten to commit suicide, quit their jobs, run away, or harm themselves. Never let these threats get to you. Certainly, the narcissist is just hoping that you will respond by being sympathetic to them. Hence, the best approach is to refer or take them to professional help.

How to Respond to Hovering Narcissistic Tactics

When your narcissistic friend, spouse, or leader won’t let go of you, here are some things you can do to cope:

• Ignore the hovering. Zero to minimal contact with the hovering narcissist will protect your emotional wellbeing, and give you time to heal from the narcissistic abuse.
• If you have to communicate (for example, you need to talk about your children), make it brief and impersonal.
• Stop being a people pleaser. Instead, start by never idealizing your current relationship. This approach will protect you from becoming an easy victim of a hovering narcissist in the future.
• Embrace the abusive past; never sugar-coat it. Consequently, you will have a clear perception of what the hovering narcissist is trying to do.
• Journal your feelings.
• Seek professional help.

Conclusion                             

A hovering narcissist is an overbearing person. This person fulfills a need to harm you by having you around. Hence, the narcissist will put up an indirect fight to win your heart and force you to stay. And, despite the show of kindness and remorsefulness, narcissism is a personality disorder. The abuser will never change their behavior overnight to please you. It takes a lot of focused therapy to do that. Finally, always guard your self-esteem against narcissists because once you lose that, it’s difficult to continue fighting.

We need to be whole to live a fulfilling life. Yet, our shadow work represents the disconnected parts of our psyche, hindering our spiritual journey. And, at the spark of the moment, our unflattering past may emerge to tarnish this picture-perfect view of ourselves because, our shadows can go on autopilot mode, operating behind the scenes and impacting our relationships.

The Shadow: Home for Our Suppressed Traits

Did you grow up knowing that men are not supposed to cry? Or, do you view outspoken people as nosy? Well, as a human being, when you are overcome by grief or sadness, one quick release is to cry. It relieves the tension in you. Plus, those around you appreciate that you feel their grief too.

Likewise, an outspoken person can be a great leader if they use this trait to command authority for social justice or development. But, if you are born an outspoken person, and you relegate this positive trait, you lose out on living a fulfilled life.

The two examples above demonstrate what happens when we relegate any trait, whether positive or negative, that we disassociate from our ego. These traits never go away. They lie dormant in our shadows and may crop up in your life when you least expect them. More so, others can pinpoint those traits in you even without you doing anything to provoke it. For example, you may portray yourself as a composed person, only to throw tantrums at the slightest provocation. That shows there is unresolved anger lying dormant in your dark side.

Origin of the Term Shadow

The term “shadow” originates from the Jungian psychological model. According to Carl Jung’s theory, we all have an ego, which is the center of our personalities. Anything that you disassociate from your ego ends up in the shadow or your dark side. Similarly, if there is a trait that you dislike about yourself, chances are, it is suppressed in your shadow.

So How Do You Embrace Your Shadow?

At a point when the shadow is working against us, it may destroy us. Hence, there is a need to embrace our dark side and use it to nourish our lives. But how do we achieve that?

Past vs. Present Approach to Embracing the Shadow

Now, history has records of ancient Greeks worshipping the shadow as an autonomous goddess or god. The Greeks used this approach to integrate the dark side into their egos. Not so with the 21st-century modern person. Today’s pressures from social media, family, and friends make us neglect our past wounds or negative impulses.

Many of us are too concerned about protecting our self-image. In the process, we deny that the shadow exists in the first place. Yet, cyberbullies and close friends are quick to pinpoint these shadows in others but never acknowledge their own. An issue of seeing a splinter in another person’s eye and not seeing the log in your own eyes, right?

Other Quick Tips to Embrace Your Shadow

1. Have a calm mind. Life stress interferes with our attitudes towards the shadow. Yet, a collected person will find reason even in the most brutal aspects of their lives. Yoga, meditation, and crystal healing can help in achieving the right mindset for shadow work.
2. Practice self-love. It will prepare you mentally to deal with the demons.
3. Seek the truth, not validation. The dark side may have aspects of your life that are too painful.  Seek to understand the truth instead of wanting to feel special.
4. Journalize the process.

Benefits of Shadow Work – Eliminating the Projection Defense Mechanism

When we repress our shadows, we project those feelings unto others. For example, if you view an overweight person as lazy, or find an outspoken person irritating, chances are you are struggling with weight management or a level of rudeness in your life.  Otherwise, if you were okay with your current or past weight, someone else’s oversize will not bother you.  See, this projection happens unconsciously, as a way to defend your ego.

Shadow work unmasks our dark side and integrates it into our current life. It is about working with your disowned parts to bring out the creative, authentic, and energetic side in you. And, the benefits are tremendous.

Here are three key benefits: –

#1: Better Relationships

Integrating your dark side will ground and make you feel whole. Once you embrace your shadow, it is easier to embrace that of your spouse, child, friend, or workmate. In turn, you are less triggered by other person’s unpleasant behaviors. Even so, the grounding effect opens up channels of communication, hence improving how you relate with others.

#2: Clarity of Perception

Our perception of self determines how we view the world. If skewed, you will use the same lens of perception to sieve ideas, thoughts, and feelings from others. In contrast, integrating our shadows gives us a whole, true picture of ourselves. This realistic assessment of self results in self-awareness crucial for spiritual growth.

#3: Raised Energy and Better Health

For as long as you ignore your shadow, it becomes a burden that you carry each day. You know, you are cautious with the way you look, what you say, or how you conduct yourself, not to reveal those suppressed traits.

Integrating the dark side frees us from this daily struggle.

We discover a reservoir of energy that we never thought existed. In turn, we can focus on self-care routines that lead to better physical health.

Conclusion

We all have a dark side that we often want to ignore. The dark side could be the skeletons in your closet that you never want to admit. Or, positive traits like empathy, gentleness, humility that you feel make you look weak. Worse still, it could be demons from your past traumas, lingering in your present life like a shadow. We avoid these demons so as not to feel ashamed, guilty, or fearful. Yet, accepting and integrating this dark side into your current life could unlock a life of fulfillment and self-enlightenment. It is never easy to confront our shadows. But, it is worth your effort.

In this article, I will share with you the most accurate horoscope for May 2021 based on the Feng Shui flying stars chart. This horoscope includes not just predictions for different spheres of life and Chinese zodiac signs but also very important tips for protection from negative influences of the month and the activation of positive events and good luck.

Most Accurate Horoscope Based On Chinese Zodiac Signs

I believe that the Chinese Horoscope is one of the most accurate horoscopes you can use for correcting the energy of the month in your favor. I follow its recommendations every month and it really helps me to not only attract positive events into my life but also to prevent unfortunate ones.

I often hear that if you focus on positive things in life and follow the law of attraction rules, astrology doesn’t affect you. Yes, a positive mindset is very crucial; however, according to Eastern teachings, there are three kinds of luck that affect each of us:

1. human luck;
2. earth luck;
3. heaven luck.

Your positive mindset is your human luck which is just 33% of your total luck score. Your heaven luck (another 33%) comes from astrology. And your earth luck (33%) depends on Feng Shui and the energy you surround yourself with.

Of course, you can rely on your human luck and believe that your positive mindset can help you overcome all the obstacles. However, let’s say something negative happened and somebody yelled at you or your husband/wife cheated on you or somebody you love died. How many of us can stay 100% calm and positive in situations like this? You see when you allow yourself to react to a negative situation in a negative way you lose your human luck. Now you can rely only on your heaven and earth luck.

Ok, now let’s take a look at your earth luck. Is your house 100% balanced? Is it 100% clean and free of blockages? Does it have all the remedies and protection from negative energy? If your answer is “no”, well, you can’t really rely on your earth luck. And now all that left is your heaven luck that depends on astrology.

With the help of Chinese astrology, you can fix your situation, protect yourself from the negative influences of the month, and activate good luck! All you need to know is what type of energy rules the month and how to deal with it.

It can be quite dangerous to play around with the energy of the month. After reading my monthly horoscope articles, people who have started to religiously follow all of the Feng Shui recommendations noticed big improvements in their lives. Today I want to share with you these priceless recommendations for May 2021. I’m asking you to take everything you’ll read below seriously. It’s especially important to get all the protection tools for the month because they are literally life saviors!

For reading your Horoscope for May 2021, all you need to know is your Chinese zodiac sign. To do this, you just need to find your date of birth in the Hundred Year Calendar (click here)!

Horoscope For May 2021

RAT (1948, 1960, 1972, 1984, 1996, 2008)

Horoscope for May 2021 promises windfall luck for those born in the year of the Rat! The energy of the month brings windfall in the form of money. However, you may also face unexpected expenses. Therefore, try to be smart with your money – save more, spend less. Activate your windfall luck by carrying the Ho-Tu Enhancer Keychain. Protect yourself against money loss by carrying the Anti Burglary Amulet at all times!

OX (1949, 1961, 1973, 1985, 1997, 2009)

There is a risk of accidents and misfortune for those who were born in the year of the Ox. There are many things that can go wrong this month. You can make silly mistakes and get into trouble at work. Therefore, you need to put measures in place to ensure that mistakes don’t happen and if they do, it is caught before the work is handed in. Small mistakes can cost you dearly this month. To protect yourself from troublesome energies, make sure you carry the 5 Element Pagoda with the Tree of Life with you at all times and place it on your work desk when you’re working. Moreover, the energy of the month also brings the risk of serious injury. Therefore, you need to protect yourself by carrying the 28 HUMs Protection Amulet. In general, it’s best for you to lay low and not take any risk this month.

TIGER (1950, 1962, 1974, 1986, 1998, 2010)

Those born in the year of the Tiger are having a misfortune month. You have to focus on your safety and health this month more than usual. To protect yourself against misfortune, make sure to carry the 5 Element Pagoda with the Tree of Life and Self-Protection Amulet with you at all times. This will help you safeguard against personal injury and the risk of getting sick.

Also, you may experience some money problems – unexpected expenses may arise out of the blue. Therefore, it would be smart to set aside some money and not overspend this month. If you play the stock market, this is just not the month for you to trade. Your trades are likely not to turn out as you expected.

RABBIT (1951, 1963, 1975, 1987, 1999, 2011)

Horoscope for May 2021 promises the month full of positive energy and creativity for those born in the year of the Rabbit. It’s going to be a very productive month that brings good business/career luck. To capture the good luck this month, carry the Ho-Tu Enhancer Keychain at all times! This powerful talisman will help you impress your boss with creative ideas and navigate the most un-cooperative people at work easily. Try to use the auspicious energy of the month to lay the groundwork for future prosperity.

DRAGON (1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, 2000, 2012)

Horoscope for May 2021 promises a victorious and successful month for those born in the year of the Dragon. Your career luck improves so much that you may even be promoted! To ensure that the success luck is fully activated this month, carry the Windhorse Success Amulet with you. Activate your promotion luck by displaying the Dragon Horse in the Southeast sector of your house or living room. Activate your prosperity luck by carrying the Annual Amulet 2021.

SNAKE (1953, 1965, 1977, 1989, 2001, 2013)

Horoscope for May 2021 promises winning luck this month! If you are in a situation where you need to compete with others, the chances that you will win are very high. To activate the winning luck, carry the Victory Banner Success Amulet. May 2021 is a good month to start new projects. You have very strong career luck and any projects you start this month will be successful! However, there is a risk of personal injury or illness this month. Make sure you protect yourself by carrying the 28 HUMs Protection Amulet.

HORSE (1954, 1966, 1978, 1990, 2002, 2014)

Horoscope for May 2021 promises positive changes for those born in the year of the Horse. Heaven luck given to you this month will improve your finances, give you wisdom, and boost your career. To activate your heaven luck, carry the Ho-Tu Enhancer Keychain. Also, this month can bring you windfall luck (you can receive money unexpectedly) if you activate this auspicious energy! In order to activate it, you need to display the Winning-Chip Talisman on your desk.

SHEEP (1955, 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003, 2015)

Horoscope for May 2021 promises a prosperous and fortunate month for those born in the year of the Sheep. To activate your heaven luck, carry the Ho-Tu Enhancer Keychain. For activating wealth luck, display the Wealth Tree in the Southeast sector of your house or living room. For boosting success, carry the Windhorse Success Amulet with you. And don’t forget to carry the Tai Sui Amulet 2021 as the negative influence of the annual Tai Sui can dampen the good luck of the month.

MONKEY (1956, 1968, 1980, 1992, 2004, 2016)

Horoscope for May 2021 promises a lucky month for those born in the year of the Monkey. You’ll be blessed with money and success this month. To assure that the energies of the month are in your favor, activate your wealth luck by displaying The Ox Finding Gold on your work desk. To activate your heaven luck, carry the Ho-Tu Enhancer Keychain. However, you need to be careful of physical injuries this month. Protect yourself by carrying the Self-Protection Amulet with you at all times to reduce the effects of the affliction of the month.

ROOSTER (1957, 1969, 1981, 1993, 2005, 2017)

May 2021 brings positive energies to those born in the year of the Rooster. Take advantage of this lucky time to come up with new strategies to improve your situation in your career or business. To activate the positive potential of the month, carry the “Ah” Dakini Popularity Amulet. Your relationships go well this month as you are the most likable sign of the month. However, you need to take care of your physical safety as there is a risk of physical injury to your limbs this month. Protect yourself by carrying the Self-Protection Amulet with you at all times.

DOG (1958, 1970, 1982, 1994, 2006, 2018)

Those born in the year of the Dog are going through a pretty stressful month. There will be many deadlines to meet, and tempers can flare when things go wrong. You will have to curb these outbursts as they can cause many friendships to turn sour. Make sure you keep your temper in check and then your projects will be completed on time. To protect yourself from arguments, carry the Apple Peace Amulet with you and display the Rooster with Crown on your desk to reduce office politicking at this crucial time.

BOAR (1959, 1971, 1983, 1995, 2007, 2019)

For those born in the year of the Boar, May 2021 is going to be a quarrelsome month full of disagreements and conflict with the people around you. This will cause you much stress. To boost your luck this month, carry the Sum-of-Ten Enhancer amulet. To prevent good relationships from turning sour, carry the Relationship Enhancing Amulet and display a pair of Peace and Harmony Apples on your work desk. This will help keep the conflict energies at bay and to protect your relationships.

Main image credit: Morysetta