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Are You Gaslighting Yourself? 6 Signs You Could Be Unknowingly Doing It



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All people ever talk about is being gaslighted by other parties. But do you know you could also unknowingly be gaslighting yourself? You are your best friend and also your worst enemy. How you treat yourself is a significant determinant of how your mental health turns out. It also determines how you associate with other people. For instance, if you gaslight yourself, you will most likely let other people gaslight you.

What is Self-Gaslighting?

Self-gaslighting happens when we dismiss our feelings and experiences. You can be deeply hurt, but with self-gaslighting, you will invalidate the pain and try to get yourself over it. It may sound like,

“I know friends who have been through worse,”

‘It is not that bad,”

“Other victims got over this fast; I don’t know why I cannot get over it.”

“I should let go of this and move on.”

Many times, self-gaslighting happens when you pick the mantra from a gaslighter. It may also come from past childhood traumas.

Self-gaslighting can be difficult to recognize, especially by people who identify as being spiritual. This is because self-reflection, shadow work, and mindfulness practices are all based on the truthful relfection of our thoughts, behaviors, and actions. This level of awareness allows us to make positive changes in our thoughts and behaviors in an effort to create a more harmonious life for ourselves. The issue arises when the constructive self-reflection and awareness turn into destructive self-blame.

Signs You Are Gaslighting Yourself

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Here are six clear signs that you are a self-gaslighter. If you do any of this, please do your mental health some justice and work on stopping the gaslighting.

#1: You Justify Someone Else’s Bad Behavior

Many of us have been here, making excuses for other people’s toxic behaviors. When people make mistakes, they should take personal responsibility for them. How many times have you heard things in the line of:

“They cheated because I was emotionally unavailable,”

“My mother kept yelling at me because I was a difficult child,”

“He pushed me because he was drunk,”

No, do not make excuses for people’s bad behavior. Take responsibility for your part but don’t blame yourself for theirs.

#2: You Discredit Your Feelings

There is a valid reason behind every emotion you are feeling. If you constantly invalidate your feelings, it is clear that you are gaslighting yourself. For instance, whenever you are hurting, you keep suppressing your feelings because you think you always overreact.

You may have had people hurt you, but you bottled up the hurt because it is not a big deal after all. Or, you dismiss your feelings because you know people who have been in tougher situations than you.

This self-manipulation piles up, and sooner or later, you will have to face the trauma. Remember that invalidating your feelings is an unhealthy way of escaping the trauma, but it will eventually catch up with you.

#3: You are Constantly Rethinking How You Should Have Handled Things

One way self-gaslighting happens is by overthinking what you could have done to prevent other people’s bad behavior.

I should have left the party early.

I should have dressed more decently when going on that date.

I should not have said that.

SOLANCHA principles teach us to harmonize our polarized way of thinking. To avoid any self-blame or shame, it’s important to learn to accept two realities simultaneously. Yes, there are certain actions and behaviors we could have taken to avoid the situation, while at the same time, the bad behavior is completely unacceptable. Unfortunately, we tend to only focus on one or the other which ends up being destructive.

#4: You Never Trust Your Judgment

You could be manipulating yourself if you constantly second-guess your decisions or judgment on things. If you always feel your intuition is wrong, you are self-gaslighting. You can never build a trustworthy relationship with anyone if you do not trust yourself. Constant self-doubt may happen from being gaslighted as a child. This makes you constantly doubt your inner voice.

Also, if you think you are not good enough, you probably got there through gaslighting. Besides, self-gaslighting may make you doubt some physical feelings. For instance, you may dismiss physical sickness because you think you can keep pushing on. Or because you are afraid of your bosses’ reaction.

If you have been sick but were too scared to call in sick, that is it. We have also had people dismiss constant headaches for dehydration or just a little pressure. Well, these may be true but do not second guess yourself. Get the check-up when you feel something, do not invalidate your sickness.

#5: You Say All the Negative Things About Yourself

Self-gaslighters typically say things about themselves that they would never say about other people. If you constantly think that you are crazy for saying something, or are an idiot for doing something, then it is a clear sign of self-gaslighting. Self-gaslighters have made such words and harshness too familiar for them. 

If you are at a point where such grossness feels at home, while affection and sweetness feel out of place, you are deep into self-gaslighting. Remember that any self-reflection should be constructive and an insightful opportunity for growth. If your self-talk becomes so negative that it makes you feel horrible about yourself, you know that it’s become destructive and you are self-gaslighting.

#6: You Always Believe That the Worst Is Going to Happen

If you are never optimistic about the things happening in your life, it is a clear sign you are a self-gaslighter. You always think nothing will happen in your favor in this unhealthy zone. If you are always awaiting the worst in every situation, it is a clear sign that you have gaslighted yourself to that zone.

How to Stop the Pattern?

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Here are some practical tips to stop the pattern of gaslighting yourself.

#1: Face Your Trauma

One thing that stands out in self-gaslighting is constant self-doubt and questioning yourself. This typically arises from childhood trauma. You cannot keep escaping your traumas; they will haunt you for a long time. Take courage and face the trauma to resolve it. One great way is to talk to a therapist and find ways to make peace with your past.

#2: Build Your Self-Esteem

Another great way to stop self-gaslighting is by building your self-esteem. Everything you feel is valid and matters. Always take a stand and recognize that everything you feel should not be compromised to accommodate others. Allow yourself to feel your feelings without judging yourself for having them.

#3: Get Away From Being Gaslighted

Being gaslighted will eventually make you a self-gaslighter. You must break that pattern if your friend, partner, or family is a habitual gaslighter. You can get them to stop the habit by talking it out. If they cannot stop, you need to get out of that environment.


The Four Components of Emotional Intelligence: More Important Than IQ



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Scientists and psychologists alike want to understand what Emotional intelligence is all about. Past studies prove that it holds endless shots in improving peoples’ interactions. Moreover, most of our actions are a snapshot of our emotions. So, what is emotional intelligence? How relevant is it in our lives today? And what are the four components of emotional intelligence? What can you do to learn and strengthen your EQ?

This article will answer all these questions and more. Keep reading!

What Is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence also referred to as emotional quotient (EQ) is how we know, control, and check our emotions and those of the people near us. It matters a lot how we deal with emotions. For example, how do you solve problems? What about challenges in relationships? Even so, EQ goes a step further and centers on understanding our emotions so that we can live better lives.

Why Is It So Important?

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Research shows that we can learn and strengthen our emotional intelligence. In turn, we will unlock our higher way of interplay at home and in the workplace. Most importantly, it brings out effective leaders in us. When sensitive, we make thoughtful decisions that are best for all.

EQ also helps us to:

  • Stay calm in a heated environment
  • Turn a stressful situation into a manageable one
  • Be better at expressing ourselves
  • Develop trust with peers
  • Gain their respect
  • Influence them to help out

The Four Components of Emotional Intelligence

Fields like neuroscience, leadership, and psychology have taken time to study EQ. Further, the Hay Group came up with four distinct aspects to describe Emotional Intelligence. These are:

#1 Self-Awareness

How do you perceive emotions? And how do others view you? It is quite easy to get caught up in our daily habits and routines that we can forget to reflect on our actions. Self-awareness is two-fold. It is about assessing our emotions and examining how others think of the way we handle them.

Think about it. Why do you do the things you do? Why do some situations make you explode with emotions, while others do not affect you? It could be about the value you place on each circumstance. Sometimes we also see what we want to see.

Hence, to be self-aware, one needs to invest in “me-time”. Make it your job to review what you went through, and how you think it is affecting your moods and actions. Again, seek feedback from those that you impact. An easy way of self-awareness is through daily meditation.

#2 Self-Management

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Do you reason candidly or out of emotions? Self-management is about choosing the way you respond to your status quo. For example, do you often feel guilty about your actions? Then, you are yet to master your self-management skills. Replace a reactive habit with a responsive one. A quick answer can be irrational. But, a response is well-thought-out. 

To practice self-management, start by being self-aware. Then, account for your actions. Secondly, no matter your schedules, have some time off to reflect on your actions. Thirdly, trust and be trustworthy. At the same time, know and stick to your limits. Opt for a servant-leader attitude. Finally, have an active lifestyle outside your work life.

#3 Social Awareness

Social awareness is about spreading your emotional attention to those around you. For example, showing empathy and staying active in your area. Also, stay up to date with the control dynamics in your peer groups.  It is the reverse of self-awareness that centers on you. Social awareness turns the focus to others. Hence, you learn and welcome other’s works towards you.

For example, do you empathize with persons from different backgrounds? Then, as a leader, you gain their acceptance. It also includes being sensitive to your customer’s needs, beyond making a sale. It is about making it your duty for your clients to be happy.

#4 Relationship Management

The last of the four components of emotional intelligence is relationship management. It is about embracing your emotions and those of others for success. It is admitting that all relationships need a deliberate effort from you to work. Hence, you use the first three components of EQ to develop your relationships. 

To be successful, start by working on your communication style. Aim at a positive natural interaction. Next, be open to all types of feedback. Use criticism as a chance to learn. Third, never shy away from individuals who rub you the wrong way. Instead, deal with them on a case by case basis. All in all, the ultimate goal of relationship management is becoming a spur leader.

Helpful Practical Tips to Becoming an Emotional Intelligent Person 

Emotional Intelligent Person Image

Emotional intelligence is a valuable skill in the professional world. Now that you understand the four components of emotional intelligence, below are quick tips on how you can learn and strengthen your EQ.

Be Assertive In All Your Interactions

An assertive approach is a bridge between an aggressive and passive response. You, therefore, want to send your message across in a respectful way and expect others to take you seriously.

Avoid Emotional Outbursts When Under Pressure

Emotionally intelligent persons are never hasty when dealing with stressful situations. Instead, they stay calm and aim for an amicable solution. Hence, always focus even when under pressure. Plus, check that your actions are in line with what you say.

Practice Active Listening

How attentive are you to what the other person is saying? Active listening is about listening before responding. This conscious communication includes reading both the verbal and nonverbal parts of a conversation. As a result, you’ll express appreciation and avoid misunderstandings. 

Have A Self-Motivated Attitude

An emotionally intelligent person knows what he wants and strives to achieve it. Hence, he doesn’t rely on others to motivate him toward action.

What Next? Practice, Practice, Practice!

So, do you want to be an emotionally intelligent person? We hope this guide gives you an idea of what EQ is all about. Your next step is to practice the four components of emotional intelligence to strengthen your EQ. This skill is not inborn. Practice your self-awareness skills. If you never paid attention to peoples’ body language, start doing so. Empathize with your peers. Let them know that you are approachable. Finally, be a considerate leader!

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Anandamayi Ma: The Divine Life of the 20th Century Mystic



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Anandamayi Ma is one of the greatest saints of the 20th century. She was born in 1896 in present-day Bangladesh. Her sweetness and tranquility struck anyone who got a chance to visit her. This is one of the reasons the communities she lived in called her “Our own Ma.”

But what may stand out even today is how accommodating she was. Despite growing up surrounded by Muslims, Anandamayi had space for people of any religion.

One of her famous quotes is, “Whether you worship Christ, Krishna, Kali or Allah, you worship the one Light which permeates all things.” It is one of her greatest teachings our current world could make good use of; there is space and light for everyone and all religions. 

The Early Life of Anandamayi Ma

Anandmayi was born as Nirmala Sundari in a small village in the present-day Brahnabaria District in Bangladesh. Her family lived in poverty, and she attended village schools. In school, her teachers considered her an above-average student. This did not stop her mother from worrying about her; Anandamayi Ma was always indifferent with a very happy demeanor. Her mother always thought there was something wrong with Anandamayi’s mental development. 

At the tender age of 12, Anandamayi married Ramani Mohan Chakrabarti, under the customs of her culture. After her marriage, she lived with her brother-in-law, where she started developing her spiritual eminence. 

At seventeen, Anandamayi moved in with her husband to Austagram, where her husband worked. They had a celibate marriage. It was during this time that she received a lot of revelations. 

Anandamayi with her husband image

One night in August 1922, the 26-year-old Anandamayi organized an initiation ceremony in which she explained the rites that were revealed to her. She relinquished her human lifestyle and started living the life of a Saint. 

Despite being clueless on this matter, the rites she performed significantly corresponded with those of ancient Hinduism. These rites included:

  • Yantra (mystical diagrams)
  • Yajna (fire ceremony)
  • Flowers offering

One of the revelations also became apparent: she always referred to herself in the third person. For example, she would call herself “this girl” or “this body.” This standard method of speech in Hinduism is used as a detachment from the Ego. 

With her divine and spiritual eminence, she traveled widely but often seemed at home everywhere she went. Her aloofness was mysterious. 

The Teachings of Anandamayi Ma

The teachings of Anandamayi focused on self-realization. She always stated that the primary calling of every human being is to understand their self-realization. She taught people that all the other obligations are secondary.

In her teachings, she also stated that human beings should focus on actions that rekindle their divine nature. She often refused to be called a guru or a spiritual teacher. This is why she did not give any formal initiations. 

She also stated that there is no single spiritual path for everyone to follow. This is why she never advocated for any specific religion. She believed that God reveals Himself to everybody, and everyone should advance according to their inborn nature. 

Everyone was welcome to her teachings, despite their religion. To date, the Muslim people of the villages she lived in still call her their own “Ma.”

Anandamayi Teachings on How to Lead a Godly Life

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Anadamayi’s teachings typically focused on how to live a God-centered life. She always provided support and inspiration to let people take in the noble lifestyle. She was also a strong advocate of spiritual equality. Before her, the sacred rituals and places were only preserved for men. She, however, opened spiritual leadership for women. 

 In her teachings on how to live a Divine lifestyle, she often used a lot of jokes, scriptures, songs, silent meditations, and long discourses. 

Anandamayi Ma’s Miracles

People who attended Anandamayi’s sessions describe how impactful they were in their lives. Her methods were unique but full of life. Whenever she did public kirtans, she would sway gracefully to some music at the start of her sainthood. Her dances were typically in line with vibrational material through which her spirit left her body and rose. 

A light came upon the attendees as her spirit moved around the room. The attendees were always filled with light and realization. This often resulted in healing, deep inner peace, and even revelations. These happenings were typical to all the attendees. Everyone who attended her sessions confessed to experiencing deep divine happiness and peace.

Her charming mantras did not just impact the soul. The impact was evident in her attendees’ spiritual, physical, and mental health and growth. People who visited her said she had a serenity that felt like the wind. Some even described her as the breeze itself. Her very accepting nature took in disciples through her mantra initiation.

Teachings of Sri Anandamayi Ma on Life and Religion

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Anandamayi taught her disciples that material life and spirituality were one. She encouraged her followers to do everything with sincerity, love, and compassion. Living in sincerity and compassion should be the order of the day. 

This would, in turn, make religion natural and easy for people.

She also taught people to love everyone. Besides, she encouraged people to see the different people as God’s manifestation. For example, working as a cook, waiter, or even serving your parents or friends can be deemed as serving God. This is because God manifests himself in everybody. She told people to do all they could for God’s sake.

Furthermore, she taught people that they remained the same, no matter what they did. For instance, she used to say she was the same person before she came to Earth and will be the same even after she leaves. According to her, the body was just a temporary vessel in which our souls live.

Anandamayi continued serving the people even when she was becoming sick and fragile. Her physical health deteriorated when she was around 90 years old, but that did not stop her spiritual radiance from shining on her disciples and visitors.

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Feng Shui Astrology For October 2022: What to Expect This Month?



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Feng Shui astrology is based on the Chinese calendar. The dates of the beginning and the end of the months are different from those generally accepted in the Gregorian calendar. According to the Chinese calendar, the year’s eighth month starts on October 8th and ends on November 7th. Therefore, all the recommendations given in this article will be accurate until November 7th.

Feng Shui astrology believes that each month has its unique energy and character. Therefore, each month’s energy is expressed through one of the 12 Zodiac animals and connected to one of the five elements.

October 2022 is the month of the Metal Dog. In this article, I will share what kind of energy and events to expect in October 2022 and how to choose dates for different events properly.

Feng Shui Astrology for October 2022

The Energy of the Month of the Metal Dog

According to the Chinese calendar, October 2022 is ruled by the Metal Dog.

In Chinese mythology, the Metal Dog is an image of a heavy sword. This powerful energy gives such qualities as perseverance, rigidity, firm principles, and courage. The Metal Dog by nature is a brave fighter, who can sacrifice personal gain for the sake of a great goal. This is one of the most militant signs. Under the influence of the month’s energies, people can acquire similar traits and become even more prone to pressure and less able to compromise.

It is not a good time to start construction or any other important things – whether it is starting a business or getting married.

This month, it is recommended that you monitor your internal state carefully – do not overwork, rest more often, and do not give in to panic, which is largely based on fake news. Avoid any confrontations this month. Any arguments will take away your energy and lead nowhere. Don’t waste your time and energy. Better go out somewhere close to nature – park, forest, lake, beach, etc. It will help you to calm down and recharge. It’s also beneficial to do weight lifting exercises or even take a martial arts class this month (to balance the Metal element of the month).

October doesn’t promise to be calm. The energies of the month may bring natural disasters, such as earthquakes, volcano eruptions, wildfires, etc. Use natural disaster protection this month to ensure your safety.

In October, it is recommended to avoid traveling in the West direction. This recommendation only applies to long-distance trips. It is ok to take a walk or move around the city or close to it in the West direction.

Auspicious Days In October 2022

October 16th is a good date for starting long-term affairs. Any project started on this date will not promise rapid development, but it will bring stable, reliable results. However, these dates are not suitable for those born in the year of the Monkey.

October 8th and 20th and November 1st are good dates for starting a new business. The business started on these dates will get all chances of success. However, these dates are unsuitable for those born in the year of the Rat.

Inauspicious Days In October 2022

October 10th, 18th, 22nd, and 30th, and November 3rd are unfavorable dates to start anything important. These dates bring difficulties, obstacles, and problems.

October 11th and 23rd, and November 4th are not suitable dates for a lot of activity, organizing important events, or starting medical treatment. But you can use these dates to complete ongoing projects.

October 10th and 12th are “No Wealth Days“. These dates are not suitable for starting a business, making investments, or signing financial agreements.

October 28th and 29th are “Loss Days“. These dates are unfavorable for starting new important projects.

Feng Shui Astrology For October 2022: Check Out Your Bagua Sectors

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If you are new to Bagua, make sure to read my articles:

Feng Shui Bagua: 8 Aspirations

The Feng Shui Bagua Map: How to Use It?

According to Feng Shui astrology, each of the nine sectors of your house is influenced by a certain type of energy. This energy changes from month to month, from year to year. In this particular article, I will not be talking about the annual chart but focusing on the energy influence of the month.

Now let me share with you Feng Shui Astrology for October 2022!


October 2022 brings quarrelsome and stressful energies to the central part of the house. The energy of this sector brings disagreements, conflicts, gossip, arguments, legal problems, and even violent fights. To neutralize the quarrelsome energies, display the Magical Cosmic Apple here. Also, remove anything that makes too much noise from this sector (windchimes, TV, stereo, etc.). Also, the influence of the 5 Yellow is still very strong this month. This harmful star can bring severe financial problems and all kinds of obstacles in your life. Have the Heart Sutra Pagoda here to mitigate its harmful effect.


The energies of the Northwest sector bring romance luck, academic success, and improved creativity. Spending time in this sector will increase your productivity and creativity. You will feel more inspired and motivated. If you are pursuing academic success, activate your luck by displaying the Dragon Carp with a 3-Legged Toad in the Northwest sector of your house. If you want to increase romance energy in your life, you can activate it by carrying the Peach Blossom Tree Amulet throughout the month.


This sector brings misfortune and loss of money to its residents this month. If your bedroom is located in the West or you have a West-facing house, make sure you protect yourself by carrying the Heart Sutra Pagoda Amulet and by displaying the Heart Sutra Pagoda in this sector. Also, the energy of the West sector brings an increased risk of burglary, betrayal, and injury this month. If you occupy the West room of the house or if your house faces West, you should carry the 28 Hums Protection Lotus Amulet and the Anti Burglary Amulet. Also, display the Armoured Elephant & Rhinoceros in the West sector of your house.


Feng Shui astrology for October 2022 promises windfall luck and monetary gain to the residents of the Northeast rooms and those who have Northeast-facing houses. You may receive unexpected money this month. To activate this auspicious sector, display the Jade Emperor Windchime here. This will help you to attract new opportunities.


This is a very misfortunate sector this month. The energy of the South sector brings an increased risk of burglary, betrayal, and injury this month. If you occupy the South room of the house or if your house faces South, you should carry the 28 Hums Protection Lotus Amulet and the Anti Burglary Amulet. Also, display the Armoured Elephant & Rhinoceros in the South sector of your house.


Feng Shui Astrology for October 2022 promises wealth luck to those residing in the North sector of the house or those whose main doors face the North direction. The energies of this sector are especially beneficial for business, romance, and new opportunities. To activate this auspicious sector, display the 100 Blessings Energetic Deer and spend more time here.


This sector brings increased illness energies to its residents in October. Those sleeping in the Southwest bedrooms are likely to feel extra tired this month. Elderly and sick people should move out of the Southwest bedrooms for this month. Protect your health by displaying the Wu Lou with Joyous Cranes by your bedside if your bedroom is located in the Southwest sector of the house. Also, wear the Medicine Buddha Pendant throughout the month!


Feng Shui Astrology for October 2022 promises an auspicious month full of new money-making opportunities to the occupants of the East rooms and those whose main doors face East. To activate these auspicious energies, display the Sky Horse with the Flag of Success in the East sector of your house. However, there is an indication of relationship problems and conflicts for those whose bedrooms are located in the East part of the house. To protect yourself, display the Magical Cosmic Apple here.


The Southeast sector brings illness energies to its residents. Those sleeping in the East bedrooms and those whose main door is located here are likely to feel extra tired this month. Elderly and sick people should move out of the Southeast bedrooms for this month. Protect your health by displaying the Wu Lou with Joyous Cranes by your bedside if your bedroom is located in the Southeast sector of the house and avoid excessive lightening. Also, wear the Medicine Buddha Pendant throughout the month!

Feng Shui Astrology For October 2022: Bonus Tip

For sectors of the home where good energy resides, it is excellent to activate with plenty of noisy activity. Have the radio, TV, or fan placed here to churn up the energy so that there is a good level of noise. Also, it is very favorable to install brighter lights in these sectors. Moving the energy in these ways will encourage yang chi to manifest to your advantage.

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