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Parenting

Positive Parenting: The A – Z Guide

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“Eat your food. How many times must I repeat? Eat your food!” Hello, stop yelling! Have you ever heard about positive parenting? Maybe it’s time you change your parenting approach. As a mom, I can attest that babies can drive you nuts. However, let me mention that there are no good or bad kids. How we raise them makes all the difference. The good news is that it’s never too late to change. In this article, I will explain what positive parenting means, how to practice it, and why you should join the positive moms and dads club. Let’s get started.

What Is Positive Parenting?

I would define positive parenting as a style of parenting that focuses more on positive correction methods, rewards, and gentle reminders on our children as opposed to a punitive approach. For example, instead of always saying “no”, “don’t do that”, “stop” etc., I find myself saying “yes you can but not right away”, “do it this way”, “that’s my good boy”. Sounds familiar?

Understanding Your Kid

mother and daughter image

I mentioned before that there are no bad or good kids. However, psychology categorizes kids into two groups: The compliant type and the spirited type. Some kids can be an extreme of one type while others lean mildly.

The compliant kid is what most people refer to as “the good kid”. They always know what to do to make mommy happy. They are also the best performers in school because they follow the rules and are afraid to say no. The spirited kid, on the other hand, is not afraid to challenge you. If you try getting on their way, they will stop you. These are the type of kids that most parents have trouble with.

Approaches to Positive Parenting

  1. The Straight Talk

This approach works best with compliant children. All you need to do is to tell them “I don’t like 1, 2, and 3. How about doing 4, 5, and 6?” And they will remember and respect the rules. However, as a parent, I always emphasize being more cautious with the compliant children. Since they are so afraid of offending you as a parent, they will hide things from you even if those things hurt them.

At some point in life, you need to teach the compliant child how to say no. They also need to learn that pleasing everyone is not necessarily OK. And that they should also expect something in return. Consequently, they will grow up knowing the difference between being obedient and being used negatively.

  1. The Choice Technique

The choice approach works best with spirited children. I usually bend low to my kids’ level when issuing instructions and give them a choice. For example, when I need them to exercise the dog, I will tell them; “you can go play outside with the dog, or stay indoors and help me clean up your room.” Isn’t it obvious that they will choose to play with the dog? And I don’t have to shout.

When I need them to eat, I tell them; “If you finish your food before 2 pm, we’ll go to the market together. But if you don’t, I’ll have to leave you at home.” The trick is to work with your children’s weaknesses. If they love the outdoors, or gaming, then use that to your advantage.

  1. The Reward Method

In this approach, I emphasize on rewarding good behavior and having zero tolerance for bad behavior. This is a common approach for many parents I have interacted with. However, most of them make a grave mistake. There is a difference between a reward and a bribe.

I hear parents tell their kids “If you do your homework, I will buy you a new PlayStation tomorrow.” That is bribing. The best approach is to explain to them why doing their homework is good and then let them do it without further pushing. Once they do it as per your instructions, offer them the PlayStation. Now that’s a reward.

Advantages of Positive Parenting

It builds self-esteem and self-discipline:

When I let my children decide, they tend to feel more responsible for their actions. And if they make an independent choice on their own, they gain more confidence.

Positive parenting builds trust:

Father and son blowing bubbles Image

I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to build trust with your children. Let them know that in case they get hurt, bullied, or molested they can trust you. This trust will only develop if you stop behaving like you rule their world. Instead, find common ground with your kids and communicate often.

Your children become psychologically aware of negative and positive energy:

I see very often that when a mother shouts or gets angry, their child throws even more tantrums. But when you change your tone and become gentle, the child retaliates. Practice positive parenting from the day your baby is born and you’ll enjoy smooth parenting all the way.

Your spiritual connection intensifies:

Every time you argue or shout at your kid, you become angry, frustrated, and sometimes depressed. This draws you further away from your spiritual realm. Positive parenting, on the other hand, intensifies your spiritual connection; both you and your children.

Parents can appreciate parenting:

I believe that the less a parent shouts, the more their subconscious is at ease. I don’t have to apologize every time I discipline my kids. It also makes me appreciate our moments together. Less arguing and shouting creates a quiet and conducive environment for all of us.

Marriages are restored:

When you co-parent using positive parenting techniques, you’ll get along better. You also reduce anger problems and the blame game. “This child turned out like this because you always defended him, or you always shouted at him” and so on and so forth. And there is nothing as fulfilling as partners who appreciate each other’s input in a marriage.

The Downside

If not used correctly, positive parenting can spoil your children’s behavior. All the praise and rewards can backfire if you’re not careful. I reserve praise and rewards for actual accomplishments. And not every time! The child needs to know that being good is not doing mommy or daddy a favor but rather a way of life.

The Bottom Line

I am a firm believer that positive parenting imparts our children with better morals and skills. However, I can’t help but feel over-protective of my parents when every other article on the internet keeps condemning how they raised us. I mean, we turned out fine. That said, let me remind you that today’s life is nothing compared to our life back in the days. The internet, revised education curriculums, and our children rights activists changed everything. So stop clinging to the unorthodox methods used in the past. Keep up with the generation and embrace positive parenting for a more prosperous future generation.

Rachel is a mom of two boys, a wife, and a part-time chef. By trying and testing new parenting trends she takes her motherhood to the next level! She finds that she processes things better when she writes about them, which has unleashed her passion for sharing her thoughts on life and parenting through her articles for SOLANCHA Magazine.

Parenting

Teaching Empathy to Kids: 5 Simple Strategies

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teaching empathy to kids image

Is teaching empathy to kids apt? Or, is empathy inborn? Well, your child is at an early stage of their lives where they are open to new thoughts and habits. And, we all have a level of empathy in our lives. So, you can help your child bring out their empathetic side for their own benefit and the benefit of those around them.

Likewise, use this stage to counter any negative traits that may interfere with the child’s behavior and spiritual growth later on. But how do you teach empathy to your child? Today I will discuss with you 5 simple strategies that actually work.

But first let me define empathy.

Understanding Empathy

Empathy refers to the ability to understand and be compassionate to others. You know, walking in that person’s shoes to experience their pain and triumphs first hand. That way, we can easily make life decisions that are mindful of others.

How Does It Work?

Empathy works the same way our life skills do. You learn to do small acts of kindness from childhood. Eventually, these acts build up to make a positive impact in your adult life. For example, a child may grow knowing that pets and domestic animals feel pain too. Hence, they will learn to treat all animals with dignity.

Why Should Children Develop Empathy?

how to teach empathy to children image

Here is the thing. We live in a world where individualism, greed, and self-centeredness allude as part of one’s success. Most people believe that for them to succeed, they must hurt others in the process, whether directly or indirectly. In turn, any show of kindness or compassion to the suffering is often done as a bonus via social responsibility initiatives. If not, society categorizes you as weak. 

In contrast, if you mix kids from different parts of the world, they will find a way to have fun without showing any bias to one another. These children will accept each other and form a lasting friendship. In addition, they are understanding, show empathy, compassion, and tolerance. These kids will also recognize bullies and call them out.

Yet, as the child grows, they encounter the harsh world and learn to adapt to it through complacency. You know, all of a sudden, kids start picking their friends depending on what toys they have, which house they live at, or where their parents work. That’s why as a parent, you play a crucial role in harnessing the empathetic traits in kids. That way, they can lay a solid foundation that is unshakable into adulthood.

5 Simple Strategies for Teaching Empathy to Kids

#1: Invest Your Time in Teaching Empathy to Kids

Choose one day of the week and volunteer at your local senior residents’ home, homeless shelters, or charity drives. Here, let your child tag along to witness as you feed and clothe the homeless, clean the streets, or donate blood at the local blood bank. And, if you have a passion for working with kids, take up teaching classes and be a certified preschool teacher. Volunteering is an excellent way of walking the talk.

#2: Lead by Example

lead by example image

Kids are keen observers of what we do. They watch how we, their parents, interact with others, taking note of most of the words and emotions we use. More so, a child may not recall their school lesson, but they will copy the parents’ responses when faced with similar challenges.

For example, a child may not know how to prepare food. However, this child will show compassion to a beggar they meet, and give that person some coins. They learn this compassion by watching their parents.

Here are some ways you can demonstrate kindness to your kids:

  • Smile
  • Compliment kind habits
  • Do random acts of kindness
  • Read or share stories of how you showed or received compassion
  • Send random kind thoughts to kids
  • Acknowledge the children’s efforts in being empathetic

#3: Allow the Children to Experience Empathy

Now, opportunities for showing and receiving compassion are always spontaneous. A child who is on the receiving end can better appreciate what empathy does to others. Hence, create scenarios around the home or school where kids depend on the empathetic side of others to excel.

For example, you may ration the kids’ allowances, and give the older children the opportunity to share with their younger siblings. Or, when the child is hurt, use this time to show compassion by caring for them.

#4: Introduce Your Kids to Reading about Empathy and Kindness

children’s books on empathy image

Do you have kids in the toddlers to pre-teens ages? They can learn about empathy by reading about it. And, guess what, it doesn’t have to be boring. Today, there are lots of children’s books on empathy and kindness that include nursery rhymes and songs, word cards, word games, or even letter magnets.

These books focus on such topics as respect, gratitude, tolerance, acceptance, and understanding. Better still, you can use the exercises and role-plays in the books to create a print-rich surrounding to instill the values of being empathetic.

#5: Adopt a Pet

Finally, having some furry friends at home has lots of opportunities for teaching empathy to kids. Think of the times the dog needs to feed, clean, vaccinate, go for a walk, or train. Let your child participate in all these tasks to ensure the pet is well taken care of. And, when you need to travel, seek the help of another child in looking after the pet until you come back.

Likewise, a child who is allergic to fur may adopt an orphaned animal at the zoo. Here, the child commits to visiting it regularly to feed it. And, this child will practice saving by donating a part of their allowance towards the animal fund.

Conclusion

Are you already raising an empath child or do you need to teach them how to be empathetic? Either way, teaching empathy to kids creates a culture of kindness and compassion to humanity. It is a win-win strategy for all. Parents, older siblings, and extended family can also teach empathy to kids by living it.

Be on the lookout for opportunities to be kind, understanding, and compassionate to others. Use these chances as practice lessons. Expand your knowledge on empathy through reading. Let the child pick a book that appeals to them and try to be part of the children’s book club.

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Parenting

Narcissistic Child: Signs + How to Avoid Raising One

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Do you suspect that you are raising a narcissistic child? At that age, there is hope. As a parent, you have a lot of ways to regulate this trait and guide your child towards empathy. Children are at a teachable stage where they form new habits with ease.  

If you know of a narcissistic spouse, sibling, kin, or friend, chances are this person has had these traits since childhood.  A narcissistic child emotionally abuses or manipulates others innocently and gets away with it into adulthood. Unfortunately, this mental disorder grows tough to tame in adulthood. In addition, this now narcissistic parent may pass on this habit to their children.

This explains why most researchers and child psychologists avoid labeling any child as a narcissist. They argue that a child’s personality will continue developing until their mid-20s. Hence, a child who behaves entitled will not necessarily turn into an adult narcissist, and so forth.  

So, this guide will help you identify narcissistic children and give you tips on positive parenting. But before I get there, let me help you understand what we mean by a narcissistic child and the key character traits.

Who is a Narcissistic Child?

narcissistic children image

Narcissism is a personality disorder whereby the individual has a yearning for control. They manipulate others to achieve their selfish goals. In other words, this person always targets another person with emotional needs, to make them their victim. Consequently, the narcissist gets nourishment from the attention and respect they get from the victim.

Usually, most ties with a narcissist are superficial and lack any empathy. The narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) often comes with substance abuse, eating or bipolar troubles, and other psychiatric disorders that hinder its treatment.

Child neglect, trauma, or unnecessary appraisals (over-pampering) are some of the reasons that trigger narcissistic habits in kids. This child looks up to others to fulfill the emotional void they have.

For example, a child who feels not accepted as they are by the parents will have a constant need for warmth and approval. In turn, the child becomes self-centered, to the point of hurting other kids.

5 Signs/Symptoms of a Narcissistic Child

#1: Sense of Entitlement/Denying Dependence

All kids naturally look up to adults for admiration and dependence. They get age-appropriate attention and will acknowledge this care. More so, kids value correction and will be grateful for it.

However, narcissistic children deny that they are dependent on anyone. Rather, they have an entitled view to any nurturing they receive from the adults. And, they will neither return this attention nor accept correction.

#2: Constant Need for Attention

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A narcissistic child feels stably loved. They feel that they get conditional love that only comes when they succeed. This scenario is quite common in competitive families where kids are rewarded for the highest achievements only.

For example, the child may get praise and notice only when they become top for their science fair contest. And, when the child scores an “A” in mathematics, the parent may ask for an “A+”. This constant pressure to perform leaves the child looking for attention and approval from the parents, siblings, and peers.

#3: Lack of Empathy

Since a narcissistic child has a constant need for attention, the child struggles to relate to others. This child never sees the other person’s point of view, hence, grapples with closeness. In turn, a narcissistic child has limited social interactions. This kid is the one who always feels out of place in a team or a crowd. The retreat may lead to anxiety and depression, triggering self-destructive habits.

#4: Breaking Boundaries

Does your child break the rules? See, if a narcissistic child knows that misbehaving will get them what they want, they will constantly break rules at home and school. Think of instances when kids get away with whining over nothing. Or, a parent who buys toys for a child throwing fits at Walmart just to make them stop screaming. The child simply discovered that mischief works.

#5: Impulsive Behavior

A narcissistic child acts without any thought or whim. For example, they are the first to interrupt you when talking, cut queues at school, blurt out things, and take random risks. This child has low self-control. More so, they may get on the defensive if they sense you treat them, not the behavior, as the problem.

narcissistic personality disorder children image

Tips and Recommendations to Avoid Raising Narcissists

#1: Teach Empathy and Compassion

Children can switch from being self-centered to becoming empathetic as per your guidance. Here, you can show empathy and compassion by creating the right conditions at home that sustain empathy.

For example, do random acts of kindness, thank your kids for doing their best, and let them know that it is okay to make a mistake while learning. Next, volunteer at a nearby homeless shelter; adopt a pet and read stories and books that teach about empathy and kindness.

#2: Encourage them to Pursue Their Passions

Most narcissistic children are born creative. They know what they want and will use those around them to get it. Use this drive to guide your child into pursuing their passions as early as possible. This approach helps the child stay busy instead of lonely away from the peers. Plus, they feel wanted and valued as a special member of the family.

#3: Nurture Responsible Behaviors

Finally, counter the impulsive behaviors in narcissistic children by encouraging responsibility. For example, let the child know that every action has a repercussion. It will make them think before engaging in unnecessary risks.

Likewise: –

  • Reward them for being patient
  • Walk the talk
  • Practice effective listening
  • Get down to the child’s level
  • Strive to keep your promises
  • Know which battles to pick with the child

In Conclusion

Children can outgrow their narcissistic tendencies. They do so with the help of parents and their peers, using course-correction strategies. If you fear that you are raising a narcissistic child, start by taking the personality test. Then, examine the child’s lifestyle to pick out any abuse, neglect, or over-pampering that could be triggering the behavior. Finally, counter it with passion, compassion, and responsibility.

Children learn fast. They adapt to the home environment you create. With the right guidance, you can turn any narcissistic child into an empathetic one.

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Parenting

Gratitude Journal for Kids: The What, Why, and How to Guide

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gratitude journal for kids image

Sometimes we are so worried about what our kids will become that we forget we have the power to mold them in our hands. Like we can sit back and let our children whine and complain about all the things they think they deserve or teach them to accept life as it is and work towards a better tomorrow. Today I will share with you how to harness the power of gratitude in their young minds irrespective of which age your kid is as long as they can speak and understand. A gratitude journal for kids will achieve just that and more.

What is Gratitude?

Gratus is the Latin word from where gratitude is borrowed. It means showing appreciation. Most religions and traditional spiritualists over the years have taught gratitude to multiple generations. And, in recent times, psychologists have also joined the bandwagon; preaching the importance of gratitude. What are you grateful for?

Do you know that you can impart the same practice to your young ones using a gratitude journal for kids?

You read that right.

So Why Gratitude Journaling?

Gratitude Journaling For Kids Benefits Image

Your child will enjoy the following benefits once you start practicing gratitude:

#1: Better relationships

Acknowledging help or support from friends can open up new opportunities. This is especially important for introverted kids or kids who are naturally aggressive. Once they start gratitude journaling, they open up to saying “thank you” even for small favors from their peers. In turn, they win more friends. Now, who doesn’t want their kid to be popular for all the good reasons? 

#2: Improved psychological health

In addition to winning more friends over, a gratitude journal for kids can help them reduce toxic emotions. These include frustrations that result in resentment, envy (because they think their peers are more blessed than they are) and regret among others.

You see, when they learn to count their blessings, they will focus on them more than focusing on what they don’t have. So, each time your son says, “mommy Tony has a digital bike”, open the gratitude journal on the day they were grateful for their old-school bike as a reminder.

#3: Better Performance in school

Research has proven that gratitude increases mental strength. In addition, when your kid has little to worry about, they sleep better. And good sleeping patterns have also been linked to higher IQs. So, it’s a win-win for you.

#4: More empathy and reduced aggression

There is this category of kids who are sadly referred to as “bullies”. A gratitude journal for kids will tone the aggression down by introducing them to empathy. Consequently, they behave in a prosocial manner even when those around them behave less kind. See such environments make them hostile but with gratitude journaling, they will look at the positive side instead of seeking revenge. And don’t we all want that for our kids?

So now that we agree, let me share with you how to start journaling with your children.

6 Ways to Introduce Gratitude Journaling for Kids

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#1: Set the Example

Kids at ages 2-6 learn by watching adults. They tend to copy paste what mommy or daddy does. So before you go bonkers with a list of gratitude journaling instructions, show them your gratitude journal first. Other than setting an example, your gratitude journal will also teach you and impact the same benefits you wish to instill in your kids. Because, let’s be honest, you can’t convince your little one that a gratitude journal for kids will have a positive impact unless you experience it first, right?

#2: Invest In an Age Appropriate Gratitude Journal

You will find several gratitude journals; some free and others available online for easy download. The online options also come with customizable templates so you can design a journal that your kids can relate to. Just make it simple to follow and interesting to work with. While at it, include a few prompts.

Like:

“What made you happy today?

“What do you wish for tomorrow?”

Etc.

Such prompts make it easier for children to follow along on their own. 

#3: Drawings and Pictures

Ideas For Kids Journaling Image

Kids under 8 years are visual and creative with colors. If you have a camera, let them take photos randomly. However, there’s a catch: only when they are happy. At the end of the day, review these photos, print them and stick them in their journal with a sentence or two to remind them of these occasions.

The idea is to create a gratitude journal for kids that they can grow with. So three years from now, they will look at these photos in their lowest moments and smile.

In the absence of a camera, you can encourage them to draw pictures of what made them happy during the day. Was it their pet or a walk in the park? Then let them draw their pet or the park and add a description of the exact event? A few colors will bring these drawings to life.

#4: Creative Affirmations

Above 5 years of age, you can teach your child to manifest their life. Start with the basic things they understand. And when these affirmations come to pass, journal them together. See the mind is as powerful as our creativity. Teach your kids the law of attraction as early as now. 

#5: Sing Along Songs

Gratitude song image

YouTube is full of gratitude songs for kids. However, you don’t have to stop there. Create your own lyrics and sing along each day before you go to bed. The good thing about songs is they are easily replayed in the subconscious mind even in sleep. And the secret to effective gratitude journaling is repetition. See what I’m doing?

#6: Poetry and Short Stories

For kids above the age of 8 years, engage them in lengthy scripts. By this age, they are already writing academic compositions anyway, so why not channel that creativity in their gratitude journals?

In Conclusion

A gratitude journal for kids sets a strong foundation for a positive mindset. See we all need positivity to make it through each day. However, with gratitude, you’re not merely surviving the day but enjoying and looking forward to each moment in your life. Let your child experience the same from a tender age and they will effortlessly transit to adulthood as happy and responsible people.

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