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Can the Codependent Relationship Be Saved?

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We all make relationships (knowingly or subconsciously) with people we meet every day. More so, we behave differently in each relationship depending on whether the other person is a child, parent, friend, workmate, boss, student, client, or a significant intimate partner. Ideally, these are healthy interdependent relationships that allow both parties to thrive. But, what if one of you becomes clingy or emotionally dependent on the other? It becomes an unhealthy codependent relationship. So, can the codependent relationship be saved?

Let’s find out below.

Triggers of Codependency

A codependency relationship involves one party voluntarily caring for their partner with a complex lifestyle issue. Here, instead of the caregiver or codependent looking inward for validation, they seek and receive self-worth from their partners to the detriment of their needs.

In addition, they feel at peace when they can control others. Hence, their self-esteem, thoughts, and feelings depend on how the other person feels or responds to them. The most common trigger of a codependent relationship is childhood emotional neglect or abuse arising from: –

  • a child forced to be pseudo-parent to their young siblings due to an absentee parent;
  • growing up or caring for a parent struggling with addiction;
  • a child becoming a confidant to a parent going through domestic violence;
  • the child of a narcissistic parent.

Top 3 Signs of Codependent Personality

people pleaser definition Image

#1: Your Partner Struggles with a Complex Lifestyle Issue

One party in a codependent relationship struggles with alcoholism, drugs and substance abuse, chronic gambling, mental health complications, eating disorders, physical disability, or overall irresponsible behavior. It is this need that makes it possible for a codependent relationship to thrive.

#2: You Are the Caregiver or People Pleaser in the Relationship

Codependents feel a constant urge to “save others”. Whereas this behavior sounds admirable, these individuals go further and want to fix problems or challenges on behalf of their partners. For example, they may try to treat an alcoholic spouse but only end up enabling the addiction. Besides, they make their partners dependent on them for everything, further worsening the situation.

#3: Emotional Intimacy is Not Easy for You

Most codependents struggle with low self-esteem and trust issues. In turn, they may avoid active physical contact. For example, they may look emotionless when hugged. Others don’t know how to respond when others praise them. This inability to form emotional intimacy makes them not able to sustain a long-term relationship. Even when they do, they have insatiable sexual desire since their needs are never fully met in the relationship.

Fixing Your Codependent Relationship

Can the codependent relationship be saved? Let’s take the self-evaluation approach here.

#1: Take a Break

Yes, anytime you sense you are in a toxic relationship, including codependency, find a safe way to break away from it. This detachment helps you look back at the relationship with a rational and unbiased perspective. Use this time alone to listen to your thoughts and feelings to discover the new you.

Here are some ideas to help you take a break from a codependent relationship: –

  • Acknowledge that you are in a toxic relationship
  • Decide to pursue a healthy and loving relationship
  • Seek self-compassion as you detox your former beliefs and values that sustained the codependent relationship

Note that detaching from a toxic relationship is never easy. Without a coping mechanism, you may find yourself running back to pick up where you left. Then, opt to live one day at a time, rewarding yourself for small milestones. Also, fill this sudden void by surrounding yourself with positivity. It could be listening to affirmations or practicing self-care.

#2: Rediscover Yourself

Can the Codependent Relationship Be fixed image

Codependent relationships make us neglect our needs as we seek validation from other people. Like, do you recall your identity before getting into this unhealthy union? Rediscover yourself by prioritizing yourself for a change. Use the “me time” to listen to yourself, prioritize your happiness, and show yourself some love. Here are some ways you can practice self-care:

  • Spare some time to explore nature
  • Binge-watch your favorite comedy series
  • Take a spiritual bath
  • Revisit your hobbies and interests
  • Pamper yourself with gifts
  • Join a local gym

#3: Self-Assessment

How do you end up becoming codependent? What are the circumstances or events that happen when you are in a codependent relationship? By understanding your triggers, you can fix your current unhealthy relationship or avoid getting into one in the future. One way to assess yourself is by journalizing your relationships.

Anytime you sense you are becoming codependent, take note of: –

  • Events happening at that particular time.
  • Who is in that codependent relationship?
  • What emotional need do you feel fulfilled in this relationship?

#4: Have a Support System

Share what you are going through with a family member or a close friend that your trust. Also, join forums or local community support groups for other individuals breaking away from toxic relationships. It can be a one-on-one meeting with a coach, an online discussion forum, listening to a podcast, or watching YouTube videos. These resources help you understand your personality and how to heal from a toxic relationship.

#5: Establish Healthy Boundaries

Emotional Healing From Narcissistic Abuse Clear Boundaries Image

Now, a codependent person finds it convenient to be in relationships where they need to fix or look after their partners. Due to this tendency, such a person struggles to set healthy boundaries. Typical signs of unhealthy boundaries include:

  • Feeling overly responsible for other people’s feelings
  • Fear of failure or letting other people down
  • Oversharing your past experiences and using them to manipulate others
  • A burst of anger when you do not get the help you want

You can set healthy boundaries by:

  • Knowing what triggers you to break your boundaries
  • Differentiating support and codependency
  • Holding yourself responsible for your feelings only
  • Practice saying “NO”
  • Acknowledging and dealing with your guilty feelings
  • Seeking help

Conclusion

We all have the carnal drive to connect to other people. However, these connections can turn into codependency when one of the parties relies on the other emotionally. So, can the codependent relationship be saved? If you suspect you are in a codependent relationship, take time to reflect on the possible triggers.

Then, seek ways to fix turn this relationship into a healthy one. It may need you to step back, assess and rediscover who you were before this connection. That way, you can establish healthy boundaries and have a support system that helps you heal one day at a time.

Relationships

Codependent Narcissist: Are You In a Relationship With One?

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Codependent Narcissist Image

What comes to mind when you think of a narcissist? A selfish person who uses their victim for self-gain, right? In contrast, we see a codependent person as excessively selfless and an easy victim to a narcissist. Yet, both the narcissist and the codependent person have unhealthy views of themselves. See, they share similar needs but portray them through opposite behaviors. In a nutshell, a narcissist can be codependent.

Codependency vs. Narcissism

Three aspects make it possible for a narcissist to be codependent. These three factors facilitate the bond between a codependent person and a narcissist. They are: –

#1: A History of Trauma and Abuse

Many narcissists come from a childhood background characterized by neglect, parents who are inconsistent or abusive. This unhealed trauma results in unresolved shadow emotions. It sets up the narcissist to display codependent traits towards those around them. The same applies to codependent persons recovering from abusive relationships or upbringing.

#2: Undefined View of Self

Both a narcissist and a codependent person struggle with their identities. In turn, they rely on those around them to dictate who they are. For example, a narcissist values what their victim says about their strengths. However, a codependent person pegs their self-worth on the current mood of their narcissistic partner.

#3: Extreme Focus on Others vs. Self

Narcissists are self-centered. They hardly show empathy to those in need. More so, they only display concern for others if it will benefit them in some way. For example, a narcissist will help their victim to get the recognition that inflates their self-esteem. 

A codependent person focuses on others to the point of trying to control the other person’s behavior. This individual is always looking for opportunities to serve others. In turn, they peg their identity on how this other person responds to them.

How Do Narcissists Become Codependent?

Signs You Are In Love with a Narcissist Image

Note that codependency is a pattern that makes a person prone to getting stuck in a narcissistic relationship. Yet, a narcissist relies more on their victims for their narcissistic supply and validation. Hence, there are instances when the narcissist looks to their partner for reassurance, displaying their codependency tendencies.

How Does a Relationship with a Codependent Narcissist Look Like?

A narcissist can be in a relationship with a codependent person if the two depend on each other to feed needs that sustain their harmful behaviors. Here, a narcissist exploits the codependent person in achieving their selfish goals. And, the codependent person is over-dependent on the narcissist to make decisions for them. This interaction reinforces their negative traits like alcohol and drug addiction, domestic violence, or self-harm.

Trauma Bonding with a Codependent Narcissist

A relationship with a codependent narcissist has trauma bonding as its underlying foundation. It features typical behaviors like dismissiveness, invalidation, and thoughts of worthlessness. For example, someone who is struggling with negative beliefs about themselves becomes prone to trauma bonding.

As a result, they get confused when in a narcissistic relationship. In the process, they feel that they need to be more than enough to keep their narcissistic partners happy. Next, they get stuck even though the narcissist needs them more than they need the narcissist.

Coping Mechanisms

Do you identify your codependent person? And, are you currently in a relationship with a narcissist? If so, you need to make lifestyle changes that free you from the cycle of this toxic relationship. This association with a codependent narcissist makes you derive your sense of self and identity from your partner’s ups and downs.

Here are some healthy habits you can develop: –

#1: Speak up

Speak up codependent narcissist image

Often, we can tell when we are in a toxic relationship. If you suspect abuse, talk to a friend or other family members. Let them give you their opinion about your current situation.

#2: Learn all you can about a codependent narcissist

This knowledge helps you appreciate how they think and view you.

#3: Channel your emotions appropriately

Indeed, there are days when you wake up feeling sad, angry, or disgusted. When these emotions overwhelm you, avoid looking up to the narcissist for validation. Instead, exercise or engage in a hobby to release this surge of negative emotions.

#3: Invest in self-care routines

These are healthy habits that shift your focus from the narcissist. They help you appreciate your strengths and accept your weaknesses.

#4: Go for psychotherapy

More so, if your relationship is draining your mental and physical health. Get professional guidance to help you overcome addictions, emotional and physical abuse in your current relationship.

#5: Set healthy boundaries

Emotional Healing From Narcissistic Abuse Clear Boundaries Image

By having clear boundaries on what you accept or refuse, you limit narcissistic abuse.

#6: Know when to call it quits

If your relationship includes instances of name-calling, yelling, false accusations, public humiliation, and threats, you could be in physical danger. Here, reach out to your local shelters or service providers for temporary refuge from the immediate risk. Then, engage a counselor, family member, or the local authorities to end the relationship peacefully.

What Happens When You End a Relationship With a Codependent Narcissist?

A codependent narcissist gets stuck in a toxic relationship for a long time. Still, should their victims end the relationship; this narcissist will look for someone else to replace them right away.

See, a codependent narcissist often has a past or current history of addiction. This person gets enraged and needy towards their partners on any given day. Their anger feelings come about since they need their partners for their narcissistic supply. And they feel needy because they are scared that their partner can leave them. Hence, when the relationship ends, the codependent narcissist struggles to stay alone.

Conclusion

A codependent narcissist is always in a toxic relationship with those around them. And a codependent person is an easy target to a narcissist. Both persons find it almost impossible to end the relationship. So, if you suspect that you are relating to a codependent narcissist, take time to understand their behavior. And since a narcissistic abuse recovery takes time, practice self-care and reach out for professional help to facilitate your recovery journey. That way, you will be more prepared to deal with them or manage the daily narcissistic situations for better living.

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Enmeshed Relationship: 10 Signs You Could Be In One

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Do you feel guilty or excessively responsible for your parents? And, does this over-concern meddle with your ability to tap into opportunities either professionally or romantically now that you are an adult? Well, an adolescent or young adult who is uneasy about leaving home, or feels less supported upon return is probably growing in an enmeshed family. The same applies to spouses, friends, or colleagues in an enmeshed relationship. If you find yourself in such a relationship, the first step to freeing yourself from this reliance is by understanding how it started and pinpointing its tell-tale signs.

What Is Enmeshment?

Enmeshment is a term used in family therapy circles to define relationships with unclear or intertwined boundaries. It is a disruptive interplay whereby a family member sees the blurriness as a sign of remaining loyal, loving or feeling safe. Simply put, you are a highly empathic person with low boundaries.

The Causes

Now, two people may become enmeshed following events that force one of them to be over-protective of the other. For example, parents with children recovering from a sudden illness, an accident, or a traumatic experience. They see it necessary to take charge of every aspect of the child’s life.

This intervention is welcome at that time because it promotes healing. However, the parents often get stuck and continue interacting with the children that way into their adult life. Consequently, the young adult becomes trapped, guilty to express any views that will contradict the parent.

The Implications

An enmeshed relationship may disrupt your spiritual, emotional, and mental growth. This may lead to complications like eating disorders, lack of autonomy and individuality, or becoming an easy target for narcissistic partners

10 Signs You Could Be in an Enmeshed Relationship

what is enmeshed relationship image

You can tell you are in an enmeshed relationship if you or your loved one depicts any of the following signs: –

#1: Your Lack Your Own Identity

A person in an enmeshment relationship has their identity and worth dependent on fixing others. You hear phrases such as: –

  • You need to see things my way for us to be okay
  • I need to fix you for me to be okay
  • The other person has to be okay for me to be okay
  • I need to rescue you from your emotions
  • Someone else needs to rescue me from my emotions
  • I cannot tell the difference between my emotions and those of others

#2: Feeling guilty when pursuing your interests

Do you love cooking but are now working as a banker or an office employee, to please your parents, friends, or spouse? If you made this decision to avoid shame or the guilt feelings you have, you are in an enmeshed relationship with your loved ones.

#3: Feeling anxious when separated

If the thought of being away from your loved one gives you jitters, you could be over-dependent on them. Here, you are used to the other person to the extent that you doubt your ability to make the right choices when independent.

#4: Pegging your happiness on your partner

If you know what makes you happy, but consciously decide to set it aside for the sake of your spouse or parent, you could be in an enmeshed relationship. For example, a son may forgo a well-paying job in another state to stay close to the parents. Or, a wife may postpone starting a family to free the husband to travel the world and build his career.

#5: Set your priorities to march your partner

Often, partners have conflicting priorities. However, they come to a compromise to maintain a healthy relationship. In contrast, one person in an enmeshed relationship pushes back their priorities, to give room for the other. And, they may even own these new priorities subconsciously.

#6: Compromising your commitments for the sake of your partner

In a marriage where there are no clear emotional or physical limits, a wife may find herself “echoing” what the husband says or feels; with total disregard to her cares. This wife does this subconsciously to please the partner, or try to cope in the union.

#7: Your relationship isolates you from other family members and friends

Persons in an enmeshed connection feel ultimately and exclusively loyal to each other, to the extent of isolating themselves from outsiders. For example, an adult from an enmeshed family may view a fiancé as a threat to their bond with their parents or siblings.

#8: One person oversteps, ridicules, or shuts down the other’s boundaries

The bossy partner in an enmeshed relationship sees no limit to how far they can interfere in their partner’s life. Hence, they ignore any suggestions that they could be overstepping their limits.

#9: You highly value the close-knit relationship

Enmeshed relationships demand unreasonable loyalty. In turn, the parties feel obliged to be extremely close and dependent on each other. For example, a child growing up with a single mum or dad may assume the role of a surrogate spouse to the surviving parent.

#10: You feel trapped, helpless, and out of control

Enmeshed relationships make you feel responsible for the other. Yet, they leave you unable to help yourself. You base your emotions on your spouse, child, or friend.  In the process, you become trapped and helpless.

Tips for Setting Boundaries When in an Enmeshed Relationship

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Do you suspect that you are in an enmeshed relationship? If so, here are some tips to help you form healthy boundaries: –

  • Understand that, it is not your duty to sacrifice your life for the sake of your parent or family. Instead, strive to exercise a degree of caring that allows you to be free to live as a separate person.
  • Create your private time and space.
  • Learn the art of saying “No”.
  • Practice self-care to overcome low self-esteem.
  • See a counselor who understands enmeshment.

Conclusion

We all can live our lives with passion and purpose. Yet, when we make life decisions out of obligatory guilt, we miss out on a chance to self-fulfillment. You can also tell if enmeshment applies to you by the way you feel guilty, anxious, overshadowed, or over-dependent on the relationship. Strive to set clear boundaries by prioritizing your privacy, self-care routines, and seeking professional help.

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Let’s Make Non-Physical Compliments a Thing! 60+ Ways To Do It

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We all love a good compliment now and then and we love to compliment others. But have you ever stopped to think about how often your compliments are based solely on appearance? In this article, I want to talk about non-physical compliments that are not used too often, however, it is such compliments that can contribute to the higher form of conscious communication. I believe that if we shift our focus from a physical appearance to the unique qualities that each of us has, we can build a more conscious society that recognizes not just the body but also the soul and the spirit of the individual.

Let me explain what I mean by that.

What’s Wrong With the Compliments That Are Based On Physical Appearance?

Of course, there is nothing wrong with physical compliments, and especially what woman doesn’t enjoy a compliment from their husband or partner. The problem comes about when we begin to believe that our physical appearance is our most important attribute as a woman and our primary expression of femininity.

I don’t know about you but to me, to be admired only for my appearance is no admiration at all. It’s objectification that shows me that my spiritual and intellectual qualities are not being recognized and my personality is being reduced to the level of my physical appearance. Mere things display the entirety of their value on the surface. We can look at a piece of jewelry and say it’s pretty, or a coffee table and think it’s cute, and have that be all that it is. Some people even refer to cars as sexy.

However, we need to remember that humans are complex beings with layers of interesting details, distinctive qualities, and unique experiences. Therefore, to reduce the worth of a woman to only what she looks like is not really a compliment. Although, there are women who are fine with that I find that it is becoming increasingly important to elevate our consciousness and understanding around the expression of the divine feminine.

Women have been taught to revel in the attention of men. Men have been taught that we should be flattered by their attention. Even, in the conscious community, some women are being objectified not just by men but even by themselves. They may use the term “sexual expression” or “sexual freedom” whereas it is still another word for “sexual objectification”. You see, sexual energy has nothing to do with your physical body. You’re not releasing this energy by showing naked parts of your body but rather you’re wasting it.

We are multi-dimensional beings and our physical expression is not only the densest form of expression we have but also the most temporal. As awakening conscious beings who desire to fully participate in the unfolding of our own spiritual evolution, we must begin to put more focus on the higher expressions of femininity while simultaneously honoring our physical form.

Be the Change

Compliments That Have Nothing to Do With Appearance Image

I’m not really blaming men for seeing women in a certain way, and, in reverse, I’m not blaming women for seeing their bodies as tools for getting attention. It’s not really that important who started that and why. But you can be the one who can start changing this perspective.

No matter if you are a man or a woman, you can start using non-physical compliments to draw people’s attention to other qualities of themselves and others rather than focus on their looks. By giving non-physical compliments you can help people to recognize their spiritual nature, their unique energy, and the vibrations that they radiate. When we start appreciating such things and let people know that this is what we really value in them, it will make a big shift in the collective conscious.

I don’t speak for all people — just myself and those like me who wish to be viewed as all that we are.

I get it though – it may be difficult or awkward to think of compliments that aren’t about physical appearance because, for many of us, that’s all we really know. Therefore, I have created a list of non-physical compliments that may inspire you to focus on deeper things when you compliment someone.

I don’t know about you, but I personally would much rather receive any of these non-physical compliments than “you look pretty” or “you are so sexy”.

Non-Physical Compliments

  1. The world needs more people like you.
  2. You inspire me.
  3. I love how you see the world.
  4. It’s easy to be myself around you.
  5. You bring out the best in me.
  6. I admire how open-minded you are.
  7. The world would be a better place if everyone had an ounce of your compassion.
  8. You have a beautiful soul.
  9. The way you support and serve others is so inspiring.
  10. You inspire me to be a better person.
  11. I am proud of you.
  12. You make me feel comfortable to be myself.
  13. I constantly learn from you.
  14. You’re really going to make a difference in the world someday.
  15. It’s obvious you put a lot of work into this.
  16. Your kindness is beautiful.
  17. You have a really refreshing perspective.
  18. I love how you speak your mind.
  19. You inspire me to show up authentically.
  20. I never get tired of being around you.
  21. Your dedication to self-growth is inspiring.
  22. I feel like I can tell you anything.
  23. You are a good friend.
  24. I always feel awesome after talking to you.
  25. You are so good at being creative.
  26. Your light shines so brightly.
  27. I admire how you stand up for your beliefs.
  28. You are truly making a difference.
  29. The way you treat others is invaluable.
  30. You are a ray of sunshine.
  31. I love how vulnerable and authentic you are.
  32. You have amazing communication skills.
  33. I admire how honest you are.
  34. You always make me feel seen, heard, and understood.
  35. I can be totally relaxed with you.
  36. Your vulnerability is powerful.
  37. I look up to you.
  38. You are an incredible friend.
  39. I love how you follow your heart.
  40. You are one of the bravest people that I know.
  41. I admire how deeply you feel.
  42. You are such a good listener.
  43. The way you speak to people with kindness is heartwarming.
  44. You restore my faith in humanity.
  45. I never feel judged by you.
  46. You always speak with gentleness.
  47. I love your creativity and ability to create such beautiful things.
  48. The way you treat people is beautiful.
  49. You have a calming presence.
  50. I admire your resiliency in the face of everything you’ve been through.
  51. Your presence fills the room.
  52. I love your confidence.
  53. You are so understanding.
  54. I admire your independence. You’re not afraid to pave your own path and speak your mind.
  55. You are kindness personified. From your actions to your words, there is so much kindness in you.
  56. The time we spend together means a lot to me.
  57. You have a great personality.
  58. Knowing you makes my life better.
  59. Your passion is contagious.
  60. You always have the best ideas.
  61. I love the way your mind works.
  62. You’re one of the most intelligent people I know, so I can totally rely on your opinion.
  63. I admire your integrity.
  64. You always give the best advice.
  65. Your tenacity boggles my mind.
  66. You are so talented at what you do. I know you may not get the praise you deserve, but I see your talent.

The Bottom Line

Modern society has taught us to appreciate purely physical/material things. It is a challenge to start seeing people beyond their physical form and embrace new values. But I believe that only when we start showing people that our values about them lay beyond their looks and material possessions they have, can we move a step closer to the soul consciousness. I pray that in the future people will stop spending thousands of dollars on plastic surgeries and expensive clothes just to get the attention and start investing their energy in developing the qualities that will move them closer to the Divine.

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