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Relationships

10 Tips To Help Deepen Relationship Connections

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We, as human beings, are relational in nature because we are all intrinsically connected. For healthy relationship connections, we want to be able to relate and achieve cohesive and synergistic relationships, whether it’s romantic, platonic, business or casual.

How we choose to communicate and relate with ourselves and others is one of the most important factors in life. Our relationship with ourselves determines how we relate to others and how pleasant our interactions are with our companions, friends, employers, employees and virtually every relationship in your life you hold.

In this article, I’m going to give you some useful tips and practical communication hacks that you can put to use. As you practice these tips, watch your relationships be enhanced on a greater level than ever before.

Tip #1: Self Talk

This is crucial because your internal dialogue dictates your external expressions. It’s important that you affirm positive, upbeat and encouraging thoughts to yourself. You will be much more likely to reflect this to others as well. Most people naturally respond more positively when you yourself are positive, self-assured and friendly. Your conversation with yourself should be gentle, loving and supportive. When you treat yourself this way it sets an example and reflecting how you would like to be treated.

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Tip #2: Be Present

We have a tendency to get distracted, consumed or checked out. Being present with your partner and the people in your life will deepen your connection and level of awareness and will help you prepare for effective and meaningful communication.

To be present means listening with the intent to understand not to reply. Being present means putting your technology and other tasks aside while you are in conversation. If you’re not able to do this, take time to communicate that you desire to be fully present and reconvene your conversation when you can give your undivided attention.

Being present can also mean showing up to support your loved one’s dreams and aspirations. There are many ways you can express presence. It takes practice and diligence to be present with yourself and others.

Tip #3: Be Considerate and Kind

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Being considerate of others goes a long way. People will usually appreciate personal consideration. There are also a variety of ways to show consideration and kindness to those you relate closely with on a consistent basis: refrain from using harsh language. Choose your words wisely. Refrain from blame and judgment. Be accountable and dependable. Follow through on your intentions with action. Use positive affirming language. Take the initiative to settle disputes and disagreements. By doing this you have more of a likelihood of setting a tone for the energy exchange that you would like to see in your conversations.

Tip #4: Set Clear Boundaries

It’s vital that you set healthy boundaries for yourself with others. By setting boundaries you ensure relationships are mutually respectful and caring.

Healthy self-esteem will echo that you deserve to be treated well. Let your actions speak for you, not your words. Say thank you with no apology, regret or shame. Protect your time – don’t over commit. Say yes to help. Ask for space when you need it. Agree to come back to the center when difficult times arise. Never assume or guess what others are thinking. Engage with clear communication by asking pertinent questions to help you innerstand what others may be trying to convey. Respond with calm and assertive energy.

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Tip #5: Release The Need To Be Right

Don’t allow your desire to prove a point or be right to override your ability to allow others to be right. Choose your battles wisely. Discern if it’s worth your precious time and energy to react, explain or justify your position. Releasing the need to be right makes room for peace of mind and increases your maturity levels. It’s not always important to prove a point. At the end of the day, your peace of mind and warm heart matters most.

Tip #6: Speak Your Truth

Sharing how you feel and what’s real for you may be scary. Every time you hold back your truth you make your fear more important than love.

You can communicate and express your truth with grace and clarity. Speaking your truth does not equate to being rude or disrespectful in any way, in fact, it’s completely the opposite.

Reach a level of innerstanding that doesn’t falter or run at the first sign of relationship malfunction or uncomfortable disagreements. Carry your heart gently through those tough moments and be gentle with the heart of others. Learn to remove the blindfolds and see your relationships in all the light they have to offer and acknowledge the light they have yet to offer. Gain such a level of innerstanding that you obtain access to more enlightened and supportive communication. Free yourself of any restraints or restrictions you may have had from past relationships that you witnessed or were a part of.

Stand in your power and truth, remove your masks and bring your whole self.

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Tip #7: Learn how to embrace vulnerability

Being vulnerable means your comfortable opening up to others, it means you care deeply about things.

Vulnerability means you are content with the spectrum of your emotions and that you have a clear understanding of who you are as a person.

Instead of suppressing your emotions you are able to express them fully.

Admitting when you’re upset, hurt, afraid, or feeling alone instead of trying to appear strong when you may be crumbling inside.

When you have the courage to be vulnerable it transforms the way in which we relate to others and how we show up in our lives.

Being vulnerable can be tough when we’re terrified about what people might see or think.

Be careful about attaching your self worth to what others opinions are or your ability to produce or earn.

When we are fueled by the fear of what people think we end up hustling for our worthiness rather than standing in it.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Take ownership of your mistakes.

People tend to connect deeper with those who have an open heart and willingness to share their own fragilities.

Tip #8: Be Authentic

This goes hand in hand with being vulnerable.

Most of the time we are afraid of being authentic and real because we spend so much time creating masks and facades to protect the image that our egos have created.

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When you are authentic in your expressions you release the need for approval from others.

Being authentic requires courage and fearlessness.

Ignore Cynics.

Transparency and honesty make you vulnerable, embody these traits anyway.

Being authentic will radiate more pure energy rather than trying to be something you think others will approve of.

Don’t underestimate the quality of authenticity it can transmute uncertainty and enhance the lines of communication.

Tip #9: Nurture Your Relationships

Relationships require attention they don’t just blossom on their own they require water and food to bloom. Set a strong foundation of truth, there lies a fertile ground. Connect in with your relationships consistently. This could mean a phone call, a letter, an email, a visit, a date, tea time or a favored returned. Develop reciprocity in your relationships. Feed where you’re being fed. Be discerning about where you give your energy and time. Make sure that the other person involved is also a source of support for you.

Tip #10: Be willing to do better

One of my favorite quotes is: “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” ~ Maya Angelou

Having a genuine desire to evolve yourself on all levels will only deepen your relationships.

Don’t underestimate the small acts of kindness.

Make a commitment to your personal growth and you will certainly see the difference in your relationships and the quality of your connections.


Angela is an Empowerment Ambassador, Health and Wellness Advocate. She is a student and an example of holistic, spiritually enhanced and youthful living. Angela empowers people to live the heart's path and to believe that life doesn't require one to age quickly and live a life of illness. Writing articles for SOLANCHA Magazine is one of the ways she expresses her passion for inspiring people to become a happier and healthier version of themselves.

Relationships

Sexual Harmony: Living In Peace With Yourself And Your Partner

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Quarantine made married and engaged couples face big challenges in the relationship. 40% of couples surveyed reported spending more than 20 extra hours per week with their partners as a result of social distancing. However, only 18% of surveyed couples reported satisfaction in communication with their partner, with the largest source of conflict reported was how often to have sex. In this article, we want to introduce you to sexual harmony and how to achieve it based on Ayurvedic principles.

If you happen to struggle in your relationship during this global pandemic, sexual harmony principles can not only help you to balance and improve your relationship, but more importantly, can help you to be in harmony with yourself and your true nature!

Ayurveda And Sexual Harmony

To achieve wellness, the principles of Ayurveda work to equate the three elemental doshas (also known as mind-body types) of Pitta, Vata, and Kapha within the body. 

According to Ayurveda, proper nutrition, healthy sleep, and harmonious sexual relationship are the basis of human health.

If we look at the Ayurvedic texts, we will see how important sex life was and how seriously it was taken. In ancient treatises, you can find detailed recommendations on how to establish an intimate life, how much sex we really need, and how to have sex properly. This all leads to sexual harmony.

All the recommendations below are based on the experience of many generations who lived in harmony with nature and natural biological rhythms.

How Much Sex Do We Need?

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Advice on regulating sexual life can be found in the treatise “Ashtanga Hridayam”, which was written by Vagbhata more than 2,5 thousand years ago. According to this sacred text:

  • during the winter season, a person can have sex every day, as long as he/she can;
  • during the spring and fall season, a person can have sex once every three days;
  • during the summertime, a person can have sex once a fortnight.

Why is it recommended to limit sex in the summer? You see, during the summer heat, Pitta dosha can get out of control, and frequent intercourse can worsen this imbalance. Spring and autumn are considered a moderate period. Therefore, sex every three days will not exhaust the body and will not bring the dosha out of balance.

Sexual Harmony Based On Your Dosha

Not only in nutrition but also in intimate matters, you need to take into account the individual constitution – dosha. After all, dosha reacts differently to a relationship with a partner.

If you don’t know your dosha, please take our Ayurvedic Body Type Quiz!

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Pitta Dosha

The people of the Pitta dosha are strong, energetic, and passionate. They like frequent sex, which can bring the fire element out of balance. Therefore, Pitta dosha is better to observe moderation, especially during the summer season.

Vata Dosha

The people of the Vata dosha are lean, lively, and creative. They may have trouble sleeping and may be overly sensitive. Vata dosha people should take care of the preservation of Ojas and restrict sexual contact until full energy recovery.

Kapha Dosha

The people of Kapha dosha tend to be overweight, emotionally calm, and stable. This dosha type has a strong body and therefore, these people can have sex more often without draining the Ojas.

How To Get Energy?

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Aphrodisiacs are often mentioned in the sacred texts about sexual relationships. Why are they needed? The fact is that sex drains Ojas — the life force that gives energy and is responsible for the immune system. Strong Ojas not only supports the body’s tissues in a healthy state, but it is also responsible for a stable mind, clear consciousness, and stress resistance.

For a strong libido and recovery of Ojas, you need to eat well. Did you know that usually people burn up to 300 calories during sex? Therefore, a light salad or smoothie will not make up for the energy spent. Make sure you eat nutritious meals that contain coconut or olive oil.

Ayurvedic Remedies to Support Libido

Ashwagandha

The Kama Sutra mentions ashwagandha in its literature as a potent sexual stimulant. Ayurvedic doctors recommend ashwagandha to men. Its use increases the level of testosterone by 40%, as well as improves mobility and sperm count, which has a positive effect on the treatment of male infertility.

For men, ashwagandha stimulates the production of nitric oxide in the body. This causes a dilatation of the blood vessels that carry blood to the genitals, leading to increased sexual desire.

For women, taking ashwagandha typically produces an increase in sexual desire and satisfaction.

Safed Musli

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This ayurvedic remedy is effective for erectile dysfunction, low libido in both men and women. Safed Musli increases stamina in general and during sex in particular.

It increases the production of testosterone, improves the sperm count and enhances sexual desire.

The benefits of healthy intimacy go beyond sexual satisfaction. Partners who enjoy healthy sexual life also experience its beneficial effects in other areas of their romantic life. Better intimacy leads to better communication and togetherness – which is the secret to any conscious relationship.

Shatavari

This is the best ayurvedic herb for the female reproductive system: it rejuvenates and normalizes the hormones. As an aphrodisiac, it removes frigidity and restores sexual desire.

Shatavari has a toning and calming effect on the woman’s body which helps restore her libido. Also, it enhances the reproductive system.

Chyawanprash

It is a nourishing jam that blends Ayurvedic herbs into a base of amla, a fruit known to be a natural source of antioxidants.

Chyawanprash was originally formulated to strengthen and revitalize the reproductive organs. It plays a very important role in triggering the reproductive system and promotes vitality and sexual health. In addition, chyawanprash promotes fertility, healthy libido, sexual stamina in both men and women.

Coconut oil

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Give each other a tantric massage with coconut oil. Its cooling effect protects against overheating during sex. In addition, it will make your skin soft and pleasant to the touch!

The Bottom Line

Sex begins outside of the bed and even the bedroom. A full sexual life is based on trust and conscious communication. Be attentive to each other, show care, and understanding. This way you will create a comfortable space for each other and be able to openly express your feelings, talk about what turns you on, what you want to recieve from your partner. Openness and trust will fill your sex life with joy and pleasurable experiments. And by following all the above Ayurvedic tips you will increase your passion and create a sexual harmony in your relationship!


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Relationships

Sexual Narcissist: The 7 Signs You are Dealing with One

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Do you know someone with a high sense of his abilities, in total disregard of everyone else? You could be dealing with a narcissist. And, it gets a bit twisted with a sexual narcissist. These types manipulate those around them for their sexual pleasure. They want to have as many partners as possible to portray a sexual prowess that they believe they possess. Yet, such a person never gets intimate with anyone.

Who is a Sexual Narcissist?

A sexual narcissist is a master seducer. His personality disorder means that he seeks sexual pleasure from others with no plans of reciprocating. That is, his sexual needs come first. Since they feel superior over their partners, they will want to control their spouses, yet remain noncommittal.

So, what happens if you are in a sexual relationship with such a person? It is almost certain that you will get hurt in the process.

How to Identify a Sexual Narcissist?

What are the telltale signs that you are dating a sexual narcissist? Can you protect yourself from such a toxic relationship?

1. A Natural Charmer

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Sexual narcissists know what to say or do to appear romantic to their partners. Picture this: Does his allure win you over the first few encounters? Does his charisma make you feel appreciated and special? Or, do you find yourself having a weak spot for his seductive ways? All those dinners, gifts, and special attention he gives you are intentional. He wants to prove himself that he can conquer whoever he wants with his sex appeal. However, such a stance never lasts.

2. No Intimacy in The Relationship

A relationship with a sexual narcissist dwells more on the physical gratification. He finds it impossible to invest emotions in the relationship.

For example, does your partner focus more on perfecting his lovemaking techniques? Does it seem like he cares less whether you have an intimate connection in the first place? Plus, do you often feel like you are his object of sexual pleasure?

Such partners insist on you maintaining a specific sexy look. Alternatively, they want you to take a crash diet to look a certain way, not caring how you feel about the change.

Intimacy requires partners to empathize with one another. In turn, you must show that you care about the other person’s feelings. However, a sexual narcissist will struggle with showing such intimacy.

3. Available For Sex Only

A sexual narcissist will put a lot of pressure on the partner so that they can meet for sex. But, he quickly leaves and never checks on the partner afterward. It’s the kind of person that leaves their spouses feeling empty and used.

This neglect after sex only shows that they are in the relationship for sexual pleasure and not love. The only other time he will show interest in the sexual partner is when he looks forward to another sexual encounter.

4. Cheating with Multiple Partners

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Since a sexual narcissist is never intimate with anyone, he tends to have many sexual partners at the same time. It is a sexual addiction that can only be satisfied by seeking enjoyment from more people. Even in a marriage, such a person will be cheating on the spouse continuously. To cover his behavior, sexual narcissists have a violent relationship with their spouses.

In contrast, when single, they will never commit to the relationship. Instead, he will hop from one partner to another, trying to quench his thirst for sexual gratification. 

5. They Belittle Their Partners

Does your partner insult you for no reason? Don’t be quick to blame yourself. For a sexual narcissist, nothing good can come out of their partners. They always find fault in the way their partners carry themselves. Often, they will point out flaws to their partners to put them down in public. It is their cruel way to appear superior and relevant.

Indeed, in the eyes of the sexual narcissists, their partners are little to them. So, before you start doubting and blaming yourself for things you did not do, first confirm if your partner is a sexual narcissist or not. 

6. They Will Not Handle Criticism Well

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Have you ever tried to point out a mistake to a sexual narcissist? He will throw a tantrum, give you the silent treatment, or shift the blame on you. More so, he behaves like a bully or an angry child to avoid facing the consequences of his actions. In fact, they often make ridicule out of the situation.

Where possible, he will try to attack the other person at a personal level to belittle them. When this does not work, he will resort to the cold shoulder. You know, denying the other love and affection in any given relationship. This cold treatment will continue until the day the partner gives in.

Often, sexual narcissist also plays a victim. He can accuse the other person of being ungrateful for his contribution so far. 

7. It Is A One-Sided Relationship

How much can you meet his sexual demands? A typical sexual relationship with a sexual narcissist revolves around his narcissistic needs. For example, he will dictate what to wear when going out, how long you can stay out, and with who. He wants to control your thoughts into believing that your sole purpose in the relationship is to please him. Even so, he will try to make you feel guilty anytime you decide to enjoy the union.

A one-sided relationship is more of a slave and master association than an intimate couple is. In extreme cases, sexual narcissists will control every aspect of their partner’s lives, disconnecting them from the rest of the world.

Conclusion

Are you in a relationship with a sexual narcissist? A sexual narcissist cares more about portraying a happy relationship. Yet, he does nothing to make his spouse feel loved and wanted. If you’re a victim, understand and appreciate your self-worth. That way, you can take measures to protect your emotional wellbeing because such links can drain a spouse leading to stress and depression.   


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Relationships

How To Master Conscious Communication? 8 Effective Tips

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In everyday communication, it is not so important how smart, wise or spiritual we are as much as what frequency the communication takes place on. The frequency of communication is influenced by many factors such as the emotions and feelings we express, the words we choose, how we build phrases, our intentions, our energy, mood, and more. In this article, I will share with you what conscious communication is and effective tips you can use to master it!

What Is Conscious Communication?

Conscious communication is a way of talking and listening that is focused on growing strong, mutually enriching relationships.

A key principle of conscious communication is to make it as easy as possible for the other person to satisfy your needs by asking for a specific behavior that will fulfill it.

When people feel vulnerable, they usually often try to compensate for it by becoming demanding and threatening. They are convinced that forcefulness will increase the likelihood of getting what they want. However, this approach usually has the opposite effect, leading to conflict situations and misunderstandings. Some people feel unaccepted. Others feel pressure and violation of personal boundaries. As a rule, such things lead to ruining relationships.

The Secret Of Conscious Communication

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So what is the secret of conscious communication?

According to Yogi Bhajan, we need to strive for pure, intuitive communication, without hidden meaning and desire to benefit from dialogue, without trying to convict the interlocutor of falsehood or being wrong. We also need to elevate people around us, to give them a chance to see and be aware of themselves from the outside on their own.

“When you speak unconsciously, you represent your emotions, your feelings, your neuroses, your handicaps, your shortcomings, and your insecurities. When you speak subconsciously, you are a con-person, you are a thief, you are a cheat, you manipulate, you are dishonest. All you want is to win the moment or impress the moment. Such people are never true to a bigger picture; they are never real in their lives. When you speak consciously, that which you speak about happens. When you speak super-consciously from the supreme self of you, that becomes the guiding line for the Universe. Then the akashic record has to move with that angle.” – Yogi Bhajan

8 Tips On Conscious Communication

Tip #1: Practice Self-Observation

Conscious dialogue, first of all, involves observing yourself during the communication process. It includes the understanding of what emotions and feelings are hidden behind each spoken phrase. Moreover, we need to be aware of what exactly motivates us to be involved in this dialogue and what we want to achieve as a result.

All these factors affect our voice tone, facial expressions, and gestures. Therefore, it is very important to monitor the reaction of the body, to feel the emotions that guide us in the process of dialogue.

Tip #2: Keep Emotional Neutrality And Inner Silence

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Neutrality does not mean that we need to get rid of feelings, but it means that all our emotional manifestations are under observation. It is like control, not in the sense of “I restrain myself,” but in the sense of “I observe myself from the outside.”

You might notice how radically your speech changes if you conduct a dialogue from the point of irritation and fear. I’m sure you know that feeling of how it is difficult to agree when there are a hidden resistance and unwillingness to compromise.

Therefore, internal neutrality allows not only to say the necessary words but also to monitor everything you say, every influence on the change of the mood of the dialogue.

Tip #3: Be Aware Of What Chakra The Dialogue Is Coming From

Every conversation we have is connected to a certain chakra. This energetical connection is very important since it affects the energy of the whole conversation and your interlocutor can sense it.

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If we speak from the first energy center (Muladhara chakra), our speech can be unnecessarily cautious. However, in a state of anger, our speech can be rough.

When we speak from the second energy center (Svadhisthana chakra), our speech is soft, sometimes – sexual.

If we speak from the third energy center (Manipura chakra), the conversation acquires persistence, the effect of pressure.

When we speak from the fourth energy center (Anahata chakra), we present ourselves from the heart. In this case, our words are colored by emotions. Sometimes it prevents us from seeing the objective truth.

If we speak from the fifth energy center (Vishuddha chakra), we sound like diplomats with a structured analytical mindset.

When we speak from the sixth energy center (Ajna chakra), our speech turns into an endless stream. If communication is based on your Third eye chakra it usually brings more truth into conversation. This type of communication is based on intuition and empathy.

Tip #4: Surrender To The Circumstances

The main rule of tantric practices is: to win by surrendering to the situation, circumstances.

Use this rule in communication if there is a dispute. This will help to find the right words, build a dialogue. Release all emotions inside yourself, surrender to circumstances and watch the result.

Meditation is an important assistant in communication. Here we not only calm our emotions, reach a state of neutrality, but also learn to be aware of our space, boundaries, observe our reactions in the process of dialogue.

In this state of balance, communication becomes constructive, and there is a stable ability to timely select the right words and competently build the entire dialogue.

Tip #5: Take Responsibility For Your Feelings

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When describing your feelings, choose words that express the sensations you’re experiencing, such as: “I feel sad”, or “I feel frustrated”, or “I feel lonely”, etc. Avoid words that describe you as a victim, such as: “I feel betrayed”, or “I feel rejected”, or “I feel neglected”, etc. These “victimizing” words suggest that someone else is responsible for your feelings. When you take responsibility for your feelings and emotions, you are informing rather than blaming the people.

Tip #6: Keep The Message Positive

Under no circumstances are you required to speak negatively. Make sure that your speech doesn’t sound offensive. Neither should you speak in a way that would be just buttering. Speaking should be neither overdoing nor under-doing nor super-positive nor super-negative.

Keep in mind that communication is just vibration. Therefore, pay attention to what frequency you are vibrating. Keep producing positive vibrations and don’t allow a conversation to turn to in a negative way. A conscious person talks with absolute dignity and faith.

Tip #7: Ask For What You Want

What specific behaviors or actions would fulfill your needs? For instance, if you want more attention from your partner, do not just ask him/her to spend more time with you. Instead, ask him/her to take you for a walk after dinner, or go to a movie on Saturday night. Express your need in the form of a request rather than a demand. Everyone has an inherent impulse to resist demands, whereas our self-esteem goes up when we’re able to fulfill requests.

Although using this process doesn’t guarantee that you’ll always get what you need, it will substantially increase the likelihood that you will spend more time feeling comfortable and at ease and less time in emotional distress.

Tip #8: Be Conscious Of Timing

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Timing can make a big difference. Sometimes it can be just as important as how and what you say. For example, it is usually not a good idea to bring up sensitive topics right before a meal when blood sugar is low. It is also not a good idea to bring up issues in the heat of the moment when you or the interlocutor is angry and hurt. It would be a good idea to find a good time for both. This conveys mutual respect and sets the stage for a productive discussion.

Conclusion

Conscious communication is an inner driven focus to grow strong and mutually enriching relationships. Remember that conscious communication includes not just conscious speaking but conscious listening. Like giving and receiving, the effects of how you talk are inseparable from how you listen.


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