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5 Simple Steps To Boost Your Self-Love

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All of us have heard about the importance of loving ourselves. We are well aware that self-love is the key to success, harmony, and abundant living. Until we learn how to love ourselves we can’t spiritually develop.

Theoretically, it would seem that everything is so clear and simple. But when it comes to practice, we all face difficulties.

So what is self-love?

The first thing we learn from any master class or book on positive thinking is that we have to love, respect and accept ourselves. Without this, we can’t develop. But when it comes to practice, the big question arises: “What does it mean to love yourself

Self-love is the foundation on which our whole life is built. If this foundation is not strong enough or does not exist at all, then our whole life is very shaky and unreliable. It can collapse at any time. In order to avoid this, we need to learn to love ourselves.

Unfortunately, many people are convinced that loving yourself means being selfish or narcissistic. However, it is not like that at all. Self-love and selfishness or narcissism are completely opposite concepts. To love yourself means to accept yourself and to realize your divine nature. To be selfish or a narcissist means to put your ego on display.

Moreover, if we can’t love ourselves, we can’t love anyone. If we can’t love the closest and dearest person in the world – ourselves – how can we love someone else? It can be passion, affection, but not love. Love always comes from the inside, and only when it overflows us, it pours out to the outside.

5 Steps Towards Self-Love

Step 1: Acceptance

smiling young woman image

Accept yourself as you are! Whatever mistakes you made in your life, accept them and don’t judge yourself. Everything happened the way it was supposed to happen. And you did what you had to do. Respect the choices that you have made in the past and that you are making now.

Accept what you don’t like about yourself. Realize that what you call “imperfections” are actually your unique qualities that fall out of the scope of the “standard.” We have been taught since our childhood to be like everyone else. And everything that distinguished us from others was condemned. But it shouldn’t be that way! We must learn to be ourselves without any limitations. We need to learn to perceive our “imperfections” as unique manifestations of ourselves.

Step 2: Self-Sufficiency

Realize that no one or nothing can make you whole. You’re already self-sufficient! You need to learn to love yourself regardless of whether someone else loves you or not. Your happiness cannot be dependent on your relationships.

Besides that, many people believe that certain achievements in life will help them love themselves more. But this is far from reality! Neither a career, nor an expensive car, nor a luxurious mansion on the beach, nor designer clothes, will make you love yourself. All this luxury can only enhance your ego, but self-love will never depend on such things. And it is very important to understand this!

You don’t need a reason to love yourself. True love is always born for no reason. We start to love ourselves just like that, here and now, just the way we are.

Step 3-Destruction Of The Pedestals

young redhead curly lady looking at mirror image

Stop putting people on the pedestal. Stop thinking that someone might be better than you are or worse. Learn not to compare yourself to other people. If you accept and love your uniqueness (which, as I have already said, consists of those qualities that society calls “imperfections”), then you realize that any comparison is inappropriate! You are who you are. No one is better or worse than you. Destroy all the pedestals that you have created. And understand that all people are equal. Don’t idealize anyone. We’re all just humans – nobody is perfect! Besides that the ideal is always dead, there is no movement, there is no need for development. So throw away all those thoughts about reaching this illusional ideal level of yourself. Stop this race to perfection! It doesn’t make any sense!

Step 4-Self-Respect

Self-love can’t exist without self-respect. Learn to respect yourself, your time and space!

Free your space from negative people, as well as from those people with who you are uncomfortable with or who are not interesting for you to communicate with. Free yourself from those people who steal your energy. Stop talking to people who only talk about themselves, but are never interested in you. Change your environment! As soon as you free yourself from people you don’t resonate with, you will attract a new environment into your life. From now on surround yourself only with people you enjoy interacting with.

Sometimes we can’t explain to ourselves why we don’t resonate with someone. I would advise not even try to find out the reasons why, but just keep a person you don’t resonate with at a distance. You should trust your intuition. If you don’t want to interact with someone without any particular reason, it means that you subconsciously (intuitively) feel that this person can bring nothing but problems into your life!

Step 5 – Alignment

Beautiful young woman blowing dandelion flower Image

Live in alignment with yourself. Don’t do things you don’t want to. I am not talking about everyday duties that cannot be avoided. I am talking about things that don’t resonate with our beliefs and contradict our worldview. For example, when we go to dinner though we don’t want to. And we doing it only because we don’t want to offend someone who invited us. Or, when the seller starts to impose on us some product that we do not need at all, but we buy it because we don’t want to upset the seller. These kinds of acts destroy our self-respect and our authority in our own eyes!

Remember that every time you step over yourself in order to not offend someone, you show a deep disrespect for yourself and the absence of self-love.

The Bottom Line

It is impossible to teach self-love in one minute. This process can take months or even years. Just understand that self-love is your path, your daily practice, but not the final destination. Self-love is made up of simple things you do every day. Only by learning to love yourself can you learn to truly love others. Not only family or friends, but also every living creature that you meet on your way!

Namaste!

Katya Ki is the Founder of SOLANCHA Magazine, a Metaphysical Expert, a Reiki Master, and Human Rights Attorney. She has been studying Eastern metaphysics, cosmology, and esotericism for almost 20 years now. And she's still discovering new knowledge, which is hidden in ancient teachings. During her pilgrimage to the monastery of Saint Catherine in Egypt, she discovered the SOLANCHA System. This is how the SOLANCHA journey started!

Relationships

Can the Codependent Relationship Be Saved?

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We all make relationships (knowingly or subconsciously) with people we meet every day. More so, we behave differently in each relationship depending on whether the other person is a child, parent, friend, workmate, boss, student, client, or a significant intimate partner. Ideally, these are healthy interdependent relationships that allow both parties to thrive. But, what if one of you becomes clingy or emotionally dependent on the other? It becomes an unhealthy codependent relationship. So, can the codependent relationship be saved?

Let’s find out below.

Triggers of Codependency

A codependency relationship involves one party voluntarily caring for their partner with a complex lifestyle issue. Here, instead of the caregiver or codependent looking inward for validation, they seek and receive self-worth from their partners to the detriment of their needs.

In addition, they feel at peace when they can control others. Hence, their self-esteem, thoughts, and feelings depend on how the other person feels or responds to them. The most common trigger of a codependent relationship is childhood emotional neglect or abuse arising from: –

  • a child forced to be pseudo-parent to their young siblings due to an absentee parent;
  • growing up or caring for a parent struggling with addiction;
  • a child becoming a confidant to a parent going through domestic violence;
  • the child of a narcissistic parent.

Top 3 Signs of Codependent Personality

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#1: Your Partner Struggles with a Complex Lifestyle Issue

One party in a codependent relationship struggles with alcoholism, drugs and substance abuse, chronic gambling, mental health complications, eating disorders, physical disability, or overall irresponsible behavior. It is this need that makes it possible for a codependent relationship to thrive.

#2: You Are the Caregiver or People Pleaser in the Relationship

Codependents feel a constant urge to “save others”. Whereas this behavior sounds admirable, these individuals go further and want to fix problems or challenges on behalf of their partners. For example, they may try to treat an alcoholic spouse but only end up enabling the addiction. Besides, they make their partners dependent on them for everything, further worsening the situation.

#3: Emotional Intimacy is Not Easy for You

Most codependents struggle with low self-esteem and trust issues. In turn, they may avoid active physical contact. For example, they may look emotionless when hugged. Others don’t know how to respond when others praise them. This inability to form emotional intimacy makes them not able to sustain a long-term relationship. Even when they do, they have insatiable sexual desire since their needs are never fully met in the relationship.

Fixing Your Codependent Relationship

Can the codependent relationship be saved? Let’s take the self-evaluation approach here.

#1: Take a Break

Yes, anytime you sense you are in a toxic relationship, including codependency, find a safe way to break away from it. This detachment helps you look back at the relationship with a rational and unbiased perspective. Use this time alone to listen to your thoughts and feelings to discover the new you.

Here are some ideas to help you take a break from a codependent relationship: –

  • Acknowledge that you are in a toxic relationship
  • Decide to pursue a healthy and loving relationship
  • Seek self-compassion as you detox your former beliefs and values that sustained the codependent relationship

Note that detaching from a toxic relationship is never easy. Without a coping mechanism, you may find yourself running back to pick up where you left. Then, opt to live one day at a time, rewarding yourself for small milestones. Also, fill this sudden void by surrounding yourself with positivity. It could be listening to affirmations or practicing self-care.

#2: Rediscover Yourself

Can the Codependent Relationship Be fixed image

Codependent relationships make us neglect our needs as we seek validation from other people. Like, do you recall your identity before getting into this unhealthy union? Rediscover yourself by prioritizing yourself for a change. Use the “me time” to listen to yourself, prioritize your happiness, and show yourself some love. Here are some ways you can practice self-care:

  • Spare some time to explore nature
  • Binge-watch your favorite comedy series
  • Take a spiritual bath
  • Revisit your hobbies and interests
  • Pamper yourself with gifts
  • Join a local gym

#3: Self-Assessment

How do you end up becoming codependent? What are the circumstances or events that happen when you are in a codependent relationship? By understanding your triggers, you can fix your current unhealthy relationship or avoid getting into one in the future. One way to assess yourself is by journalizing your relationships.

Anytime you sense you are becoming codependent, take note of: –

  • Events happening at that particular time.
  • Who is in that codependent relationship?
  • What emotional need do you feel fulfilled in this relationship?

#4: Have a Support System

Share what you are going through with a family member or a close friend that your trust. Also, join forums or local community support groups for other individuals breaking away from toxic relationships. It can be a one-on-one meeting with a coach, an online discussion forum, listening to a podcast, or watching YouTube videos. These resources help you understand your personality and how to heal from a toxic relationship.

#5: Establish Healthy Boundaries

Emotional Healing From Narcissistic Abuse Clear Boundaries Image

Now, a codependent person finds it convenient to be in relationships where they need to fix or look after their partners. Due to this tendency, such a person struggles to set healthy boundaries. Typical signs of unhealthy boundaries include:

  • Feeling overly responsible for other people’s feelings
  • Fear of failure or letting other people down
  • Oversharing your past experiences and using them to manipulate others
  • A burst of anger when you do not get the help you want

You can set healthy boundaries by:

  • Knowing what triggers you to break your boundaries
  • Differentiating support and codependency
  • Holding yourself responsible for your feelings only
  • Practice saying “NO”
  • Acknowledging and dealing with your guilty feelings
  • Seeking help

Conclusion

We all have the carnal drive to connect to other people. However, these connections can turn into codependency when one of the parties relies on the other emotionally. So, can the codependent relationship be saved? If you suspect you are in a codependent relationship, take time to reflect on the possible triggers.

Then, seek ways to fix turn this relationship into a healthy one. It may need you to step back, assess and rediscover who you were before this connection. That way, you can establish healthy boundaries and have a support system that helps you heal one day at a time.

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Relationships

Codependent Narcissist: Are You In a Relationship With One?

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What comes to mind when you think of a narcissist? A selfish person who uses their victim for self-gain, right? In contrast, we see a codependent person as excessively selfless and an easy victim to a narcissist. Yet, both the narcissist and the codependent person have unhealthy views of themselves. See, they share similar needs but portray them through opposite behaviors. In a nutshell, a narcissist can be codependent.

Codependency vs. Narcissism

Three aspects make it possible for a narcissist to be codependent. These three factors facilitate the bond between a codependent person and a narcissist. They are: –

#1: A History of Trauma and Abuse

Many narcissists come from a childhood background characterized by neglect, parents who are inconsistent or abusive. This unhealed trauma results in unresolved shadow emotions. It sets up the narcissist to display codependent traits towards those around them. The same applies to codependent persons recovering from abusive relationships or upbringing.

#2: Undefined View of Self

Both a narcissist and a codependent person struggle with their identities. In turn, they rely on those around them to dictate who they are. For example, a narcissist values what their victim says about their strengths. However, a codependent person pegs their self-worth on the current mood of their narcissistic partner.

#3: Extreme Focus on Others vs. Self

Narcissists are self-centered. They hardly show empathy to those in need. More so, they only display concern for others if it will benefit them in some way. For example, a narcissist will help their victim to get the recognition that inflates their self-esteem. 

A codependent person focuses on others to the point of trying to control the other person’s behavior. This individual is always looking for opportunities to serve others. In turn, they peg their identity on how this other person responds to them.

How Do Narcissists Become Codependent?

Signs You Are In Love with a Narcissist Image

Note that codependency is a pattern that makes a person prone to getting stuck in a narcissistic relationship. Yet, a narcissist relies more on their victims for their narcissistic supply and validation. Hence, there are instances when the narcissist looks to their partner for reassurance, displaying their codependency tendencies.

How Does a Relationship with a Codependent Narcissist Look Like?

A narcissist can be in a relationship with a codependent person if the two depend on each other to feed needs that sustain their harmful behaviors. Here, a narcissist exploits the codependent person in achieving their selfish goals. And, the codependent person is over-dependent on the narcissist to make decisions for them. This interaction reinforces their negative traits like alcohol and drug addiction, domestic violence, or self-harm.

Trauma Bonding with a Codependent Narcissist

A relationship with a codependent narcissist has trauma bonding as its underlying foundation. It features typical behaviors like dismissiveness, invalidation, and thoughts of worthlessness. For example, someone who is struggling with negative beliefs about themselves becomes prone to trauma bonding.

As a result, they get confused when in a narcissistic relationship. In the process, they feel that they need to be more than enough to keep their narcissistic partners happy. Next, they get stuck even though the narcissist needs them more than they need the narcissist.

Coping Mechanisms

Do you identify your codependent person? And, are you currently in a relationship with a narcissist? If so, you need to make lifestyle changes that free you from the cycle of this toxic relationship. This association with a codependent narcissist makes you derive your sense of self and identity from your partner’s ups and downs.

Here are some healthy habits you can develop: –

#1: Speak up

Speak up codependent narcissist image

Often, we can tell when we are in a toxic relationship. If you suspect abuse, talk to a friend or other family members. Let them give you their opinion about your current situation.

#2: Learn all you can about a codependent narcissist

This knowledge helps you appreciate how they think and view you.

#3: Channel your emotions appropriately

Indeed, there are days when you wake up feeling sad, angry, or disgusted. When these emotions overwhelm you, avoid looking up to the narcissist for validation. Instead, exercise or engage in a hobby to release this surge of negative emotions.

#3: Invest in self-care routines

These are healthy habits that shift your focus from the narcissist. They help you appreciate your strengths and accept your weaknesses.

#4: Go for psychotherapy

More so, if your relationship is draining your mental and physical health. Get professional guidance to help you overcome addictions, emotional and physical abuse in your current relationship.

#5: Set healthy boundaries

Emotional Healing From Narcissistic Abuse Clear Boundaries Image

By having clear boundaries on what you accept or refuse, you limit narcissistic abuse.

#6: Know when to call it quits

If your relationship includes instances of name-calling, yelling, false accusations, public humiliation, and threats, you could be in physical danger. Here, reach out to your local shelters or service providers for temporary refuge from the immediate risk. Then, engage a counselor, family member, or the local authorities to end the relationship peacefully.

What Happens When You End a Relationship With a Codependent Narcissist?

A codependent narcissist gets stuck in a toxic relationship for a long time. Still, should their victims end the relationship; this narcissist will look for someone else to replace them right away.

See, a codependent narcissist often has a past or current history of addiction. This person gets enraged and needy towards their partners on any given day. Their anger feelings come about since they need their partners for their narcissistic supply. And they feel needy because they are scared that their partner can leave them. Hence, when the relationship ends, the codependent narcissist struggles to stay alone.

Conclusion

A codependent narcissist is always in a toxic relationship with those around them. And a codependent person is an easy target to a narcissist. Both persons find it almost impossible to end the relationship. So, if you suspect that you are relating to a codependent narcissist, take time to understand their behavior. And since a narcissistic abuse recovery takes time, practice self-care and reach out for professional help to facilitate your recovery journey. That way, you will be more prepared to deal with them or manage the daily narcissistic situations for better living.

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Self Love

8 Amazing Healing Crystals For Self-Love

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Self-love is an essential component for our self-healing journey and any spiritual practice. Without self-love, we cannot truly love somebody else and experience the highest form of love – unconditional love. Self-love is the practice of understanding, embracing, and showing compassion for yourself. It involves taking care of ourselves on the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual levels. Self-forgiveness, self-respect, and self-acceptance are essential components of self-love practice. One of the powerful tools that can help you to create the frequency of love within is crystals for self-love.

In this article, we will share with you 8 beautiful crystals for self-love that will assist your self-love journey and give you support and confidence in your self-healing practice.

The Science Behind Crystals

It has been scientifically proven that matter is 99.999999999999% empty space. And what makes up this empty space is energy. Therefore, it won’t be a mistake to say that energy is everything, and everything is energy. You, everything around you – the furniture, the phone you’re holding, and the crystals are vibrating energy.

Each of us has our own unique vibrational frequency. People with higher vibrations radiate love and kindness, peace and compassion, whereas people with lower vibrations experience more low-vibrational emotions like fear, anger, jealousy, or anxiety.

Whatever frequency we are at, as humans, our vibrations are very unstable and can be easily affected by our environment, other people, social media, the news, traffic, the weather, our own memories, etc.

Crystals, on the other hand, have a very stable energy frequency due to the fact that they were made up of a fixed, regularly repeating, perfect geometric pattern of molecules. Therefore, they are able to maintain the perfect stability of the Earth element. This is the opposite quality to our constantly changing, non-stable human nature.

While the healing properties of crystals have not yet been proven, we do know that crystals radiate a unique electrical charge known as piezoelectricity. Piezoelectricity is an electrical charge that is emitted from crystals once they are pressed or cut.

Scientific research has been able to demonstrate that synthetic crystals can actually store data. This could explain why certain crystals have specific qualities.

Thus, the properties of certain crystals work in harmony with our subtle energies, helping to clear any blockages and balance emotions. Crystals for self-love can help to remove whatever blocks we have on our path of self-love and to increase the love frequency in our aura.

8 Must-Have Crystals For Self-Love

Now, let us share with you the 8 self-love crystals that can help you in your self-love journey and inner work. You can program these crystals with your intentions, meditate with them, hold them between your palms while you’re repeating your self-love affirmations, chanting love mantras, or performing your prayers. If you are not involved in deep spiritual work yet, you can let these crystals serve you as mindfulness totems. Whatever way you choose to use your crystals, they will surely enrich your self-love journey and create a beautiful love aura around you.

Here is our list of the must-have self-love crystals:

#1: Rose quartz

rose quartz gemstone

Rose quartz is the Heart chakra stone that manifests unconditional love – not just towards others but yourself too. It helps us to practice self-compassion and love ourselves regardless of any perceived flaws or imperfections. This is a crystal of comfort, deep healing, and compassion.

Rose quartz work by encouraging our heart chakras to open. When our heart chakra is open, we can peel back our inner petals and bloom into love, trust, and compassion.

Use Rose Quartz anytime you feel a negative pull towards self-sabotage or when you are feeling like your self-esteem is low.

#2: Green Aventurine

Aventurine image

Green Aventurine helps to balance energies and see things in an objective way. This beautiful heart chakra stone reduces self-criticism and opens us up to giving and receiving love. If you’re struggling with forgiveness or self-forgiveness, green aventurine will help you let go of guilt and forgive yourself and others. In addition, green aventurine aids in emotional stability and helps to soothe the mind and heal the heart.

Green aventurine honors Kuan-Yin, the Chinese goddess of mercy, compassion, and unconditional love. To many, Kuan-Yin is regarded as a protector of women, children, and unsung heroes.

#3: Carnelian

Carnelian image

Carnelian is a powerful stone that increases your courage, stamina, and the boldness you need to shine. This is the perfect self-love stone for those who feel like a distinguished flame and needs a tool to brighten themselves up.

In addition, carnelian helps to raise feelings of self-worth and allows us to see our true value. This is the perfect stone to increase your confidence and make you feel capable of taking on new challenges and opportunities!

Carnelian is connected to your sacral chakra, a place where a lot of women hold onto past pain and trauma. Therefore, this stone is also effective for healing your past trauma and working through the blocks that prevent you from loving yourself.

#4: Moonstone

polished moonstone image

Moonstone is a beautiful stone that holds the power of the feminine energy of the moon. Working with this crystal helps you increase self-compassion which leads to self-acceptance, self-forgiveness, and self-love. Call on the natural power of the Moonstone when you need to feel those mothering arms around you.

#5: Rhodochrosite

Rhodochrosite crystal for love image

Rhodochrosite is known as the Stone of the Compassionate Heart. This beautiful stone increases the vibrates of love, forgiveness, and compassion towards the inner child, helping to heal old wounds, feelings, and traumas to develop self-love.

If you feel out of touch with your inner child, rhodochrosite can help you to reconnect and reparent him/her in the gentlest of ways. Rhodochrosite helps you to deal with unresolved issues and to find forgiveness.

#6: Amazonite

amazonite image

Amazonite is a beautiful stone that helps with setting the boundaries that are an essential part of self-love. It helps to cultivate self-awareness and compassionate thinking. Also, amazonite helps to boost self-esteem, develop forgiveness, calm the nervous system, clear away stress, and reduce anxiety.

For those times when you feel like you can’t stand up for yourself, amazonite can help you find confidence and support. This stone connects with both the heart chakra and the throat chakra, sending a beautiful flow between your heart space and the center of your communication.

#7: Amethyst

amethyst image

Amethyst is a great crystal for spiritual self-love. This beautiful purple crystal helps us to connect to our higher selves and develop self-awareness. Amethyst is often used in shadow work as it helps to work through shame, fears, and blocks. In addition, it helps to stop negative self-talk, increase self-worth, and reduce anxiety.

Amethyst is also used as a chakra healing stone. In particular, it is connected to our crown chakra. It helps to clear our Sahasrara and fill us right up with the light of enlightenment. When we feel spiritually connected to the world we live in, it becomes easier for us to let go of old fears and anxieties and to understand the bigger picture and purpose. Therefore, whenever you feel lost in this world, remember to invite the healing vibes of amethyst into your self-healing practice to center yourself back to your spiritual self.

#8: Citrine

Citrine image

Citrine is a crystal of joy and happiness that is connected to your solar plexus chakra. Remember that your solar plexus is your power center. When you invite citrine in your self-love practice, it helps you to turn into a spiritual warrior, gives you the courage to love and accept yourself, and shakes off all the negative energy.

Whenever you feel like life isn’t going the way you want it to go, calling in the healing power of citrine will help you find the positive outcome from any situation and be more optimistic about the future.

The Bottom Line

There are many beautiful and powerful crystals and stones that you can use for increasing your self-love. These eight are the must-have crystals that we believe can help to take the self-love journey to the next level. Use these stones for your self-love practices, meditations, rituals, or as amulets that you wear. Don’t forget to regularly cleanse and charge your crystals to keep their energy strong.

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