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5 Simple Steps To Boost Your Self-Love

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All of us have heard about the importance of loving ourselves. We are well aware that self-love is the key to success, harmony, and abundant living. Until we learn how to love ourselves we can’t spiritually develop.

Theoretically, it would seem that everything is so clear and simple. But when it comes to practice, we all face difficulties.

So what is self-love?

The first thing we learn from any master class or book on positive thinking is that we have to love, respect and accept ourselves. Without this, we can’t develop. But when it comes to practice, the big question arises: “What does it mean to love yourself?»

Self-love is the foundation on which our whole life is built. If this foundation is not strong enough or does not exist at all, then our whole life is very shaky and unreliable. It can collapse at any time. In order to avoid this, we need to learn to love ourselves.

Unfortunately, many people are convinced that loving yourself means being selfish or narcissistic. However, it is not like that at all. Self-love and selfishness or narcissism are completely opposite concepts. To love yourself means to accept yourself and to realize your divine nature. To be selfish or a narcissist means to put your ego on display.

Moreover, if we can’t love ourselves, we can’t love anyone. If we can’t love the closest and dearest person in the world – ourselves – how can we love someone else? It can be passion, affection, but not love. Love always comes from the inside, and only when it overflows us, it pours out to the outside.

5 Steps Towards Self-Love

Step 1: Acceptance

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Accept yourself as you are! Whatever mistakes you made in your life, accept them and don’t judge yourself. Everything happened the way it was supposed to happen. And you did what you had to do. Respect the choices that you have made in the past and that you are making now.

Accept what you don’t like about yourself. Realize that what you call “imperfections” are actually your unique qualities that fall out of the scope of the “standard.” We have been taught since our childhood to be like everyone else. And everything that distinguished us from others was condemned. But it shouldn’t be that way! We must learn to be ourselves without any limitations. We need to learn to perceive our “imperfections” as unique manifestations of ourselves.

Step 2: Self-Sufficiency

Realize that no one or nothing can make you whole. You’re already self-sufficient! You need to learn to love yourself regardless of whether someone else loves you or not. Your happiness cannot be dependent on your relationships.

Besides that, many people believe that certain achievements in life will help them love themselves more. But this is far from reality! Neither a career, nor an expensive car, nor a luxurious mansion on the beach, nor designer clothes, will make you love yourself. All this luxury can only enhance your ego, but self-love will never depend on such things. And it is very important to understand this!

You don’t need a reason to love yourself. True love is always born for no reason. We start to love ourselves just like that, here and now, just the way we are.

Step 3-Destruction Of The Pedestals

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Stop putting people on the pedestal. Stop thinking that someone might be better than you are or worse. Learn not to compare yourself to other people. If you accept and love your uniqueness (which, as I have already said, consists of those qualities that society calls “imperfections”), then you realize that any comparison is inappropriate! You are who you are. No one is better or worse than you. Destroy all the pedestals that you have created. And understand that all people are equal. Don’t idealize anyone. We’re all just humans – nobody is perfect! Besides that the ideal is always dead, there is no movement, there is no need for development. So throw away all those thoughts about reaching this illusional ideal level of yourself. Stop this race to perfection! It doesn’t make any sense!

Step 4-Self-Respect

Self-love can’t exist without self-respect. Learn to respect yourself, your time and space!

Free your space from negative people, as well as from those people with who you are uncomfortable with or who are not interesting for you to communicate with. Free yourself from those people who steal your energy. Stop talking to people who only talk about themselves, but are never interested in you. Change your environment! As soon as you free yourself from people you don’t resonate with, you will attract a new environment into your life. From now on surround yourself only with people you enjoy interacting with.

Sometimes we can’t explain to ourselves why we don’t resonate with someone. I would advise not even try to find out the reasons why, but just keep a person you don’t resonate with at a distance. You should trust your intuition. If you don’t want to interact with someone without any particular reason, it means that you subconsciously (intuitively) feel that this person can bring nothing but problems into your life!

Step 5 – Alignment

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Live in alignment with yourself. Don’t do things you don’t want to. I am not talking about everyday duties that cannot be avoided. I am talking about things that don’t resonate with our beliefs and contradict our worldview. For example, when we go to dinner though we don’t want to. And we doing it only because we don’t want to offend someone who invited us. Or, when the seller starts to impose on us some product that we do not need at all, but we buy it because we don’t want to upset the seller. These kinds of acts destroy our self-respect and our authority in our own eyes!

Remember that every time you step over yourself in order to not offend someone, you show a deep disrespect for yourself and the absence of self-love.

The Bottom Line

It is impossible to teach self-love in one minute. This process can take months or even years. Just understand that self-love is your path, your daily practice, but not the final destination. Self-love is made up of simple things you do every day. Only by learning to love yourself can you learn to truly love others. Not only family or friends, but also every living creature that you meet on your way!

Namaste!

Katya Ki is the Founder and Editor-In-Chief of SOLANCHA Magazine, a Feng Shui Master, a Metaphysical Expert, a Reiki Master, and Human Rights Attorney. She has been studying Eastern metaphysics and esotericism for almost 20 years now. And she's still discovering new knowledge, which is hidden in ancient teachings. During her pilgrimage to the monastery of Saint Catherine in Egypt, she discovered the SOLANCHA System. This is how the SOLANCHA journey started!

Love

How Do Empaths Protect Themselves From Narcissists? Practical Insights and Tips

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how do empaths protect themselves from narcissists image

Relationships can be very complicated. And strangely enough, we don’t always consciously choose the person whom we fall in love with really. It just happens. By nature, empaths have a big heart, while Narcissists, on the contrary, have an annoyingly exaggerated sense of self-importance. It is thus a little bit challenging when these two contrasting personas are in a relationship. So then, how do empaths protect themselves from narcissists? Do they need protection in the first place? In this article, I will take an in-depth look at these two characters and give tips on how to accommodate each other.

Who are Empaths?

If you are an empath, the chances are that you have had an encounter(s) with a narcissist(s). Whether or not the experience was fruitful solely depends on how you interacted with them. Narcissists thrive on making other people feel inferior about themselves.

This could be draining given that empaths are quite the opposite of narcissists – sensitive.

Empaths Character Traits

Before we delve into knowing how empaths protect themselves from narcissists, let’s discuss the traits that define empaths.

What to Expect When Dating an Empath Image

The following traits are common among empaths:

  • Do you have a problem with boundaries? Empaths tend to worry more about others than themselves. Consequently, it is difficult at times to tell when to open up and let other people into their life and when to shut off negative energy.
  • Empaths are easily prone to a nervous breakdown. They feel for everyone, including people who are total strangers to them. Absorbing all these emotions (both happy and sad) can lead to a nervous system meltdown.
  • They have intimacy issues. Empaths are quick to connect with other people emotionally. This is a liability especially when it comes to maintaining a relationship with one person. You can unconsciously find yourself emotionally entangled with more than one person.
  • Alone time is replenishing. Empaths recharge when they are alone and free from human contact. Absorbing all these emotions can be weary and draining. Alone time allows an empath to decompress and recharge. This is mainly achieved in a serene natural environment setting.
  • You have an acute intuition. The gut feeling of an empath is always right most times. I think the ability to feel what the next person is feeling is what contributes to this.

Who are Narcissists?

Games Narcissists Play Image

Beyond knowing how empaths can protect themselves from narcissists, you need to know how to identify a narcissist. It is not hard to identify a narcissist from the crowd. No one person will admit to being grandiose callous and unemotional.

Narcissists Character Traits

Narcissists portray the following characteristics:

  • Need for self-admiration. Narcissists crave admiration more than anything else. They will bombard you with statistics and personal achievements to feed their ego. This has the effect of making the other person think lowly of themselves.
  • They lack empathy. Narcissists do not show the slightest of emotion towards anything or anyone.
  • Feeling entitled. They are arrogant, selfish and think that others are indebted to them.
  • They can be manipulative. A narcissist will trick you into doing what they want. Their interests always come first, and they love exploiting others.
  • Authoritativeness. Since they believe they are good at everything they do, narcissists have an inflated sense of bossiness.

How Do Empaths Protect Themselves From Narcissists?

Given that they connect quickly, empaths are an easy target to prey on. Do empaths need to protect themselves from narcissists? Yes. Narcissists will not mind that their utterances and actions are hurting others. As a result, such a relationship will only wreck an empath. That said, how do empaths protect themselves from narcissists?

Meditation

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Connecting with nature is the simplest and quickest way for an empath to replenish. Take time to reflect and think about whether or not someone is adding value to you or just exploiting you. This is the only time you can clear your mind and think clearly.

Build Boundaries

I know this sounds impossible, but there is no other way around it. You need to cut off any ties with narcissists. If you can’t then at least come clean with the person. Narcissists will only drain you of your energy at their pleasure. This might sound selfish at first, but it is for your highest good that you avoid these people.

Alone Time

Do not spend too much time with a person if they exhibit narcissistic behaviors. Take some time off to decompress and gain back the lost energy.

Let Yourself Be

Naturally, you will fall for a narcissist and even get tempted in to ‘helping’ them. Remember, it is not your job to fix everybody. Who will fix you anyway? Sometimes you need to be quite the opposite of what defines you and care for yourself.

Trust Your Intuition

How To Deal With Narcissists Image

This is the easiest way for empaths to protect themselves from narcissists. Your guts will always be right. So if you detect some negative energy in your life, the safest decision is to walk away.

Don’t Take Everything to Heart

Someone might say something insensitive towards you. If you took everything seriously, then you might become a human wreck. Take criticism for what it is without necessarily letting it eat you up. Besides, not everyone will always be helpful to you and expecting that from them is no less than being a narcissist.

Ignore them

Narcissists crave attention. Don’t give it to them. They can and will find someone else to pick on.

The Bottom Line

The truth is that no one is perfect. Well, a narcissist believes otherwise. Don’t be so obsessed with the idea of protecting yourself such that you forget to live and enjoy yourself. You may end up a sad, depressed soul and discover that you are lonely and unhappy when it is already too late to change things. People will always have flaws, and I think that is what completes us in our human nature. Dating a narcissist may be the equivalent of a dangerous dance with the devil, but hey, at least you get to dance in the long run. I hope the above answers the question: how do empaths protect themselves from narcissists. In the end, what counts is whether you found happiness in your relationship.

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Dating

What Is Tantra? Demystifying The Myths

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What is tantra? Tantra in literal terms can be compared to technology. Just like we harness technology to create what we want – physical items or otherwise, tantra is leveraged to enable us to make available, an intelligence beyond our present capabilities. It is a sophisticated process of awareness, openness, and harmony. It allows you to open your heart and move the energies within your body through conscious awareness.

Demystifying Tantra

Tantra originated from India and was documented in Sanskrit texts from the 6th to about the 13th century. It was (and still is) meant to enhance the mastery of one’s energies and how to harness them. Tantra works to help us to love and understand our lives. It also creates a spiritual connection with everything that is present in our lives. And in this case, even our partners.

The nature of the human mind is such that if we can distinctly create something in our mind, the next step would be to empower that with our life energy. And if we can do that, it will become a living reality by itself. Most humans have lost this power because their minds have become restless. Their life energies are also not sufficiently organized to put them behind whatever they wish.

There are tools that we can use to harness our mind and energies to making an intelligence that surpasses our present capabilities. These tools are referred to as tantric methods. We use tantra to make things happen. Tantra methods are varied. In yoga, we refer to it as tantra yoga. In sexuality, we relate to the tantra method as tantric sex. With Tantra, you work on your mind, energies, emotions, body, and heart, collectively or separately, to achieve something.

If you’re still wondering what is tantra, we can conclude that if you are able to strengthen yourself physically such that you can accomplish arduous tasks, then that is Tantra. Similarly, tantra is when you manage to employ your energies to your heart. This makes you kind and loving to all.

Tantra and Sexuality

For most people (especially in Western countries), the mention of tantra resonates with acrobatic sexuality – hours and hours of it. There is nothing wrong with wanting to enjoy prolonged sex. However, tantra works mainly to enhance a more intimate and stronger connection with your partner.

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So, all this begs the question, what is tantra with regards to sexuality?

To answer this question, I will refer to a form of tantra called tantric sex.

Tantric sex, an ancient Hindu practice, had remained hidden from the public for ages due to religious reasons. However, it is now open to all. Tantric sex is a form of slow sex. It is designed as a way of weaving and expanding the energies at play during sex. The aim is for the whole experience to be as enjoyable and rewarding as possible.

Sexuality is potent. Its energies are some of the most intense. Tantric sex enables you to harness this energy appropriately. Instead of demanding fulfillment from your partner, tantra helps you to find it within yourself. This creates stability and harmony in relationships.

Tantra also allows couples to enjoy better sex. It provides an avenue in which they eradicate the negative emotions that work to inhibit the blossoming of relationships. In Tantra, sex isn’t a taboo or something to be ashamed. Instead, it is sacred and an expression of our inherent ability to experience joy with others.

There are specific guidelines when performing tantra that I apply. These guidelines are extremely useful in facilitating a bond with my partner and providing a conducive atmosphere for intimacy. In many ways, it enhances sensuality even before you initiate intercourse.

The Basic Tantric Sex Principles are:

  • Creating a sacred place for your sexual time with your partner.
  • Slowing down and being aware and present with each other.
  • Honoring your lover.
  • Emphasizing total body sexual foreplay.

Use tantric breathing exercises to channel your Kundalini. The term refers to sexual energy that stays dormant in your body until it is awakened. It then spreads from the base of your spine to the top of your head, through your Chakras (your body energy centers).

The Impacts of Tantra on Spirituality As Well As Sexual Relationships

Tantra enables you to channel your energies into achieving calmness and inner peace which are integral components of your spirituality.

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The emphasis of tantric sex on honoring your lover and taking out negative thoughts about them as well as yourself, from your mind is essential in promoting healthy relationships.

Today’s lives and hustles mean that we rarely stop and get to understand the special people in our lives. Tantra enhances connecting with your lover more intensely. This improves the bond you share with each other. You get to understand each other on a very high level. It also provides adequate closeness in your intimacy which enhances your union.

The ability to experience sexual pleasure is vital in any sexual relationship. Tantric sex enables you to harness sexual energy. The pleasurable sensations get exaggerated and experienced over long periods. After all, sex is part of being human and enjoying it in the best way possible is essential to our wellbeing.

In tantra, we learn how to use our mind, energies, and body as instruments with which we can achieve higher possibilities. When correctly implemented, tantra enhances spiritual healing and wellness.

Tips for Spicing Up Lovemaking Based On Tantric Sex

Mental Manipulation

The key to enjoying sex lies in one’s mind. If anything the brain is the organ that processes our sensations. What this means is that any negative thoughts including misgivings about ourselves or our partners will ultimately hinder us from enjoying the experiences. You, therefore, need to shed it all and have a clear mind.

Think of it as having an intimate relationship with the best version of your partner. Release the past and immerse yourself in the now – the present. Keep it all out and focus on the experiences at hand. Focus on the nourishing thoughts about yourself, your body as well as your partner’s.

Establish and Maintain Eye Contact

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Having eye contact with your partner during sex (as well as during foreplay) is one of the best ways to connect with them. Intimacy is not just about intercourse. It is also about getting to be one with your partner. Eye contact enables you to fully immerse yourself in your sensations as well as those of your partner.

One way to start is by eye gazing. Sit across each other on the bed with no touching and merely stare into each other’s eyes for about five minutes. Essentially, it creates a deep level of connection with your partner even before you touch one another.

Meditate As You Have Sex

What I mean by this, is to picture the sensations while being fully aware of your present moment. If you tune in to your five senses, you will experience everything that you perceive at that moment. This will happen through what you see, hear, feel, smell, and taste.

The next step is to use your sexual energy to get into a state of trance. For regular sex, your sensations and the turn-on are localized in your genitals. However, with tantra, you can direct this energy to the brain and through the rest of the body. It will get you into a profound state of consciousness.

In Conclusion

Orgasm or climaxing is usually a short-lived period of extreme pleasure. However, with tantric sex, due to the intense circulation of sexual energy, as well as the fact that you’re more in a state of trance, the orgasm leads to the entire body coming alive. Instead of being a brief experience, the body radiates these extreme pleasure sensations for hours and hours. With this, I hope the question of what is tantra has been comprehensively addressed.

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Parenting

Signs That You’re Raising an Empath Child with Tips to Handle Them

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An empath child is very unique and special. However, initially, most parents don’t understand how to deal with them.  Therefore, this confuses the child even more. You see, the child is going through new emotions and strange things. They need time to understand, appreciate, and deal with all this. As a parent, the best gift you can give an empath chid is supporting them emotionally and assuring them that it’s normal for them to be different. As they grow older, teach them how to harness their empath abilities and make use of them.

How Do You Identify an Empath Child?

They Are Overly Emotional and Sensitive

Does your child cry when another kid is in pain? Do they react strongly to criticism? Empath children are highly sensitive to other people’s emotions. They also don’t like being corrected harshly.

However, you don’t have to raise a spoilt brat just because they possess empath qualities. Just try to understand why they do what they do and correct them with love. Sometimes you can ignore wrongdoing but make sure you have a candid talk about such behaviour later on.

They Have Strong Connections with Nature and Animals

The choice approach works best with spirited children.

Naturally, empath kids don’t make friends with their age mates easily. They stand out as too mature for their age. However, they have a strong bond with animals. If your kid prefers to take a stroll in the neighborhood with their dog, let them be.

Occasionally, they will describe to you several aspects of nature after such strolls. For example, they want specific flowers growing in your garden. Or they will ask why particular trees appear like they are whistling. Empath children can be full of surprises. Wait till they tell you they talked to a tree!

They Don’t Blend Easily in Crowds

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Does your little one scream aloud when you suggest going to the public park to play? Do they prefer to stay locked in their room instead? Don’t worry. She’s/he’s an empathic child. Generally, empaths find crowds to be suffocating. When in such places, their brains are working full time trying to process all the mixed energies in their surroundings.

Over time, an adult empath learns how to cope with such situations. But this is not always the case for a child. This sensation is a thousand times harder for a child because they are still discovering new things in their surroundings.

They Love “Me-Times”

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As your empath child fights off the overwhelming energies of a crowd, they find it peaceful staying indoors. This tendency should not worry you. If your child loves spending time on his/her own, make his/her surrounding welcoming. 

Fill his/her room with interior decorations and the colors she loves. Encourage him/her to discover his/her creative side. Above all, let him/her know that it is okay to spend his/her time on his/her own.

They Can Be Control Freaks

Most parents of empath children always expect them to be moody and oversensitive. However, they never imagine them as control freaks. Well, they can be.

Think about it. Does your empath child like everything to be done in a particular order? Do they get agitated when you challenge their ideas? Or, do you notice your child counterchecking the door locks or washing their hands too many times? That is normal for empaths.

They Like to Develop a Routine

Often, an empath child knows the things that get him/her anxious. In turn, they develop an obsession for control to keep the anxiety triggers away. This way, they can easily cope with the anxiety build up.

If your child happens to be a control freak and anxious most of the times, try to look at situations in their perspective and sympathize with them. Develop simple routines that will reassure the child.

How to Master Your Emotions and Use Your Energy to Empower an Empath Child

empath children image

As long as you are not a narcissist, you are the best gift that your empath child has. However, you need to understand when to correct them, when to let it go, and when to teach them. Sadly, with an empath child, most of the time you as a parent are the one learning, not the other way round. If you can keep your emotions in check, it is simple to have a child-centered educational approach. Let me show you how.

Learn To Listen More

As your empath child discovers his/her likes and dislikes, always offer a listening ear. At this stage in their lives, the children will have many questions without proper answers. Some of these questions may look petty to you. However, never dismiss empath children when they approach you.

Instead, let them know that they can always run to you to express the way they feel. As a parent to an empath child, you need to be their cheerleader as they go through the motions of life.

Teach them to Use Affirmations

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Do you enjoy starting your day with meditation? Why not do it with your little one? Teach your child to be grateful for the little things that happen in their life. Let them know that their sensitivity is a gift which they can use for the benefit of others and themselves. Let them learn to accept and love themselves through constant affirmations.

Finally, Enrol Them in the Right Education Programme

Empath children thrive best in child-based curriculums such as those offered in Montessori systems. The reason is that they like being in charge. If you enroll them in schools that push them around to do what the school dictates, that child might never realize their full potential.

They might also lead a very boring school life. Yes, most of us hated school anyway, but we were never really depressed by the curriculums offered, right?

The Bottom Line

I hope the above discussion has shed some light on how to handle your empath child. Nurture them from their tender ages and support them emotionally. And when you feel like giving up, remember that the empath child feels even more weight than you do. So hang in there! Once they understand their unique personalities, they will be easier to handle and mentor.

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