Relationships

How To Master Conscious Communication? 8 Effective Tips

Published

3 years ago

October 28, 2019

Katya Ki

In everyday communication, it is not so important how smart, wise or spiritual we are as much as what frequency the communication takes place on. The frequency of communication is influenced by many factors such as the emotions and feelings we express, the words we choose, how we build phrases, our intentions, our energy, mood, and more. In this article, I will share with you what conscious communication is and effective tips you can use to master it!

What Is Conscious Communication?

Conscious communication is a way of talking and listening that is focused on growing strong, mutually enriching relationships.

A key principle of conscious communication is to make it as easy as possible for the other person to satisfy your needs by asking for a specific behavior that will fulfill it.

When people feel vulnerable, they usually often try to compensate for it by becoming demanding and threatening. They are convinced that forcefulness will increase the likelihood of getting what they want. However, this approach usually has the opposite effect, leading to conflict situations and misunderstandings. Some people feel unaccepted. Others feel pressure and violation of personal boundaries. As a rule, such things lead to ruining relationships.

The Secret Of Conscious Communication

So what is the secret of conscious communication?

According to Yogi Bhajan, we need to strive for pure, intuitive communication, without hidden meaning and desire to benefit from dialogue, without trying to convict the interlocutor of falsehood or being wrong. We also need to elevate people around us, to give them a chance to see and be aware of themselves from the outside on their own.

“When you speak unconsciously, you represent your emotions, your feelings, your neuroses, your handicaps, your shortcomings, and your insecurities. When you speak subconsciously, you are a con-person, you are a thief, you are a cheat, you manipulate, you are dishonest. All you want is to win the moment or impress the moment. Such people are never true to a bigger picture; they are never real in their lives. When you speak consciously, that which you speak about happens. When you speak super-consciously from the supreme self of you, that becomes the guiding line for the Universe. Then the akashic record has to move with that angle.” – Yogi Bhajan

8 Tips On Conscious Communication

Tip #1: Practice Self-Observation

Conscious dialogue, first of all, involves observing yourself during the communication process. It includes the understanding of what emotions and feelings are hidden behind each spoken phrase. Moreover, we need to be aware of what exactly motivates us to be involved in this dialogue and what we want to achieve as a result.

All these factors affect our voice tone, facial expressions, and gestures. Therefore, it is very important to monitor the reaction of the body, to feel the emotions that guide us in the process of dialogue.

Tip #2: Keep Emotional Neutrality And Inner Silence

Neutrality does not mean that we need to get rid of feelings, but it means that all our emotional manifestations are under observation. It is like control, not in the sense of “I restrain myself,” but in the sense of “I observe myself from the outside.”

You might notice how radically your speech changes if you conduct a dialogue from the point of irritation and fear. I’m sure you know that feeling of how it is difficult to agree when there are a hidden resistance and unwillingness to compromise.

Therefore, internal neutrality allows not only to say the necessary words but also to monitor everything you say, every influence on the change of the mood of the dialogue.

Tip #3: Be Aware Of What Chakra The Dialogue Is Coming From

Every conversation we have is connected to a certain chakra. This energetical connection is very important since it affects the energy of the whole conversation and your interlocutor can sense it.

If we speak from the first energy center (Muladhara chakra), our speech can be unnecessarily cautious. However, in a state of anger, our speech can be rough.

When we speak from the second energy center (Svadhisthana chakra), our speech is soft, sometimes – sexual.

If we speak from the third energy center (Manipura chakra), the conversation acquires persistence, the effect of pressure.

When we speak from the fourth energy center (Anahata chakra), we present ourselves from the heart. In this case, our words are colored by emotions. Sometimes it prevents us from seeing the objective truth.

If we speak from the fifth energy center (Vishuddha chakra), we sound like diplomats with a structured analytical mindset.

When we speak from the sixth energy center (Ajna chakra), our speech turns into an endless stream. If communication is based on your Third eye chakra it usually brings more truth into conversation. This type of communication is based on intuition and empathy.

Tip #4: Surrender To The Circumstances

The main rule of tantric practices is: to win by surrendering to the situation, circumstances.

Use this rule in communication if there is a dispute. This will help to find the right words, build a dialogue. Release all emotions inside yourself, surrender to circumstances and watch the result.

Meditation is an important assistant in communication. Here we not only calm our emotions, reach a state of neutrality, but also learn to be aware of our space, boundaries, observe our reactions in the process of dialogue.

In this state of balance, communication becomes constructive, and there is a stable ability to timely select the right words and competently build the entire dialogue.

Tip #5: Take Responsibility For Your Feelings

When describing your feelings, choose words that express the sensations you’re experiencing, such as: “I feel sad”, or “I feel frustrated”, or “I feel lonely”, etc. Avoid words that describe you as a victim, such as: “I feel betrayed”, or “I feel rejected”, or “I feel neglected”, etc. These “victimizing” words suggest that someone else is responsible for your feelings. When you take responsibility for your feelings and emotions, you are informing rather than blaming the people.

Tip #6: Keep The Message Positive

Under no circumstances are you required to speak negatively. Make sure that your speech doesn’t sound offensive. Neither should you speak in a way that would be just buttering. Speaking should be neither overdoing nor under-doing nor super-positive nor super-negative.

Keep in mind that communication is just vibration. Therefore, pay attention to what frequency you are vibrating. Keep producing positive vibrations and don’t allow a conversation to turn to in a negative way. A conscious person talks with absolute dignity and faith.

Tip #7: Ask For What You Want

What specific behaviors or actions would fulfill your needs? For instance, if you want more attention from your partner, do not just ask him/her to spend more time with you. Instead, ask him/her to take you for a walk after dinner, or go to a movie on Saturday night. Express your need in the form of a request rather than a demand. Everyone has an inherent impulse to resist demands, whereas our self-esteem goes up when we’re able to fulfill requests.

Although using this process doesn’t guarantee that you’ll always get what you need, it will substantially increase the likelihood that you will spend more time feeling comfortable and at ease and less time in emotional distress.

Tip #8: Be Conscious Of Timing

Timing can make a big difference. Sometimes it can be just as important as how and what you say. For example, it is usually not a good idea to bring up sensitive topics right before a meal when blood sugar is low. It is also not a good idea to bring up issues in the heat of the moment when you or the interlocutor is angry and hurt. It would be a good idea to find a good time for both. This conveys mutual respect and sets the stage for a productive discussion.

Conclusion

Conscious communication is an inner driven focus to grow strong and mutually enriching relationships. Remember that conscious communication includes not just conscious speaking but conscious listening. Like giving and receiving, the effects of how you talk are inseparable from how you listen.

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Katya Ki

Katya Ki is the Founder of SOLANCHA Magazine, a Metaphysical Expert, a Reiki Master, and Human Rights Attorney. She has been studying Eastern metaphysics, cosmology, and esotericism for almost 20 years now. And she's still discovering new knowledge, which is hidden in ancient teachings. During her pilgrimage to the monastery of Saint Catherine in Egypt, she discovered the SOLANCHA System. This is how the SOLANCHA journey started!

Relationships

Relationship Anxiety: 8 Signs You Have One & What to Do About It

Published

2 weeks ago

November 16, 2022

SOLANCHA STAFF

How do you know you have relationship anxiety? Let’s face it; we are all slightly anxious in relationships. Sometimes, you are unsure if you are pulling them closer or pushing them away. Worse, you never know what the future holds.

It is normal to feel anxious. The issue is when you experience it to unhealthy levels. Read on for the tell-tale signs of relationship anxiety and tips on how to overcome it.

What is Relationship Anxiety?

Many times, anxiety is felt in new relationships. However, it’s nothing uncommon to experience it in long-term relationships. If you are already anxious in other life situations, you will most likely experience anxiety, even in long-term relationships.

Relationship anxiety is when people in a relationship have too much fear and worry to the extent it harbors toxicity or hinders it from being fulfilling and healthy. Many psychologists argue that such anxiety is not just for a romantic relationship. It is also experienced in platonic relationships.

8 Signs of Relationship Anxiety

Here are signs that may indicate anxiety in a relationship:

#1: Extreme fear of opening up

Holding back when starting a relationship is normal. However, as you build it, you and your partner need to open up to each other. People with relationship anxiety are afraid of letting their partners into their lives. They’re scared that their partners will use their vulnerability against them or that the partner may not just like what they see.

#2: Jealous when your partner is away from you

This is often mistaken for cuteness. However, if you feel jealous whenever your partner spends time with their friends or family without you, you experience anxiety. This goes hand in hand with being clingy or needy.

#3: Feelings of low self-esteem in the relationship

If you feel inferior in your relationship, you could be battling relationship anxiety. This could result in feeling that your partner is too good for you. Also, if your feelings of self-worth are attached to how your partner treats you, it is a possible sign of anxiety.

#4: Overanalyzing situations

It is common to constantly overthink situations such as missed calls, delayed replies, or your partner sleeping early. Besides, if you read deeply into your partner’s words and actions, it is a sign to watch out for.

#5: Need for constant reassurance

Reassurance from our partners is very much needed. You need to compliment and reassure each other. However, if it is a big deal if your partner does not do it that one time, you are probably facing anxiety issues in that relationship.

#6: You overlook issues that genuinely bother you

For instance, if your partner is always late and it bothers you, but you don’t bring it up because you are afraid it will turn into a fight. In any relationship, you should be able to bring up things that bother you without fear.

#7: Doubting your partner’s intentions and feelings for you

People with relationship anxiety will always doubt if their partner truly loves them, even if they have it clear. Also, if you constantly worry that they want to break up, it is a sign.

#8: Missing out on the good times

If you spend most of the time thinking about the bad things that could happen rather than enjoying the good times in the relationship, you are probably facing relationship anxiety.

What Causes Relationship Anxiety?

There is no single or definite cause of relationship anxiety. The causes vary significantly from person to person. To understand what causes your relationship anxiety, you may do a thorough self-check and introspection.

Here are some common causes of relationship anxiety:

#1: Unpleasant experiences in past relationships

Your past experiences will permanently shape your future. If your partners in previous relationships cheated on you, lied about their feelings, or mistreated or broke up with you unexpectedly, you may be anxious in the subsequent relationships.

#2: Low self-esteem

With low self-esteem, you will always doubt yourself and your worth. This will play a significant toll on your relationship. With this, you will always need reassurance or question every move your partner makes.

#3: Attachment

The attachment style you developed as a child can be secure or less secure. People with less secure attachment styles often had their needs dismissed in their childhood. Think about your childhood relationship with your parents and caregivers and how they impact your current relationships.

How Can You Overcome Relationship Anxiety?

It would be best if you overcame relationship anxiety to build a healthy and meaningful connection with your partner. Apply the following tips to overcome it.

#1: Get Trauma Therapy

One great way to overcome it is to talk to a therapist.

A therapist can help you:

Identify childhood trauma that led to the relationship anxiety you are having;
Develop secure attachment styles;
Calm down your anxiety.

Therapy can also make you a better communicator. Many issues arising from relationship anxiety go hand in hand with poor communication skills. It would be best if you become a better communicator to express your feelings and fears.

#2: Try Being More Mindful

Try focusing on the moment more and not the future or the past. Relationship anxiety is magnified by the fear of the unknown and thinking about all the bad experiences from the future. We do not mean that you should forget all your experiences. We are saying you should learn to acknowledge what you feel every moment and move on.

This is one tangible way to enjoy a relationship fully without overanalyzing the negatives. Do not worry about the future; focus on being happy in the moment.

#3: Build Other Relationships

Relationship anxiety is worse for people with no one else apart from their partners. Have other meaningful relationships outside of your romantic relationship. Have hobbies you can do when not with your partner. This way, you can pursue your partner part-time. Even if they go out without you, you still have something to do instead of worrying about them. You will also live without the fear of ending up alone in case of a breakup.

Relationships

Gaslighting in a Relationship: 10 Red Flags & How To Handle It

Published

2 months ago

October 14, 2022

SOLANCHA STAFF

Gaslighting in a relationship can be a real nightmare. Unfortunately, many people do not spot it early. And even when they spot it, they do not know the right way to navigate through it. Gaslighting is when the other party makes you question your own experiences and feelings. In a relationship, your partner may psychologically manipulate you to think you remember or feel things wrong.

So What Are the Signs of Gaslighting in a Relationship?

Many people get gaslighted in relationships but do not notice it. However, staying in that environment is psychological torture. In many cases, it does not happen at the start of the relationship. Your partner may build a solid and trustworthy relationship with you. Then, when you are too deep and strongly attached, the gaslighting starts. This is one primary reason why people do not recognize gaslighting.

Below are the common signs of gaslighting in a relationship.

#1: Lying to you

If your partner is a pathological liar, you may want to look deeper at whether or not they invalidate your experiences and perception. Gaslighters are often habitual liars; take note of that. Many times, their stories or excuses are lies. But despite this, they will firmly take their stand and won’t back out even if you call them out.

#2: Gossip about you

One thing about gaslighters is they try to win people on their side. With more people on their side, you are more likely to start second-guessing yourself. The only way to win people on their side is to gossip about you. They will expose your vulnerability to others, all to appear like the party on the right side.

They will also twist their stories and tell you what people think about your emotional state. Such people target spots that are sensitive to you, which they know will hurt the most.

#3: They distract you

Have you ever asked somebody a question, and they answer you back with a question? That is one tactic a gaslighter will use.

Their answers will often be along the lines of:

Are you crazy?
Are you even listening to yourself?
Why don’t you trust me?
Why do you keep following me around like a child?

Such distractors will take you down, which is their winning point.

#4: Invalidating your feelings and emotions

A gaslighter will never recognize how heavy emotion is on you. They will always invalidate it and say you are overreacting. They will tell you to stop being overdramatic or too sensitive. With this, your instincts will tell you to step and coil back into a shell, which is a gaslighter’s goal (when you cannot express your feelings).

#5: Strong on the blame game

A gaslighter is always right. This is why all the blame will always come back to you. If you are in a relationship with someone who is always the victim, they could be very calculating with their gaslighting. If you call them out on anything, they will find a way to shift the blame to you. You will always be the reason behind their bad behavior.

They will never take responsibility for their bad behavior. Or they will say that they did it because you pushed them to do it.

#6: They coat their behaviors with sweet words

Gaslighters are very calculating. They make you feel like you are in the wrong when it is them. They will, therefore, use sweet and compassionate words to blind you. When you call them out, you will hear things like, ‘You know how deeply I love you….”, or, “I would never cheat on you on purpose….”

They know that these words make you feel good. You may fall for them, but they are all inauthentic.

#7: They retell the story wrongly

When in a relationship, you two know the details of an incident when it happens. However, a gaslighting partner will go out there and retell the story to favor themselves. They may omit parts to suit what they are trying to achieve. Or they may include parts or twist them to make you look bad.

If they omit, exaggerate or twist incidents to make themselves better before others, they have mastered the art of gaslighting well.

#8: They never let you talk during a fight

Gaslighters can be too loud or talkative during a conflict. They will cut you off or constantly invalidate you; you won’t just get the chance to express yourself.

A psychologist notes that many people resort to sending long messages and emails to express their feelings. Many people may not recognize this, but it is a clear sign of gaslighting in a relationship; you cannot express yourself well with your partner, and the only way out is to send them long messages.

#9: They never apologize

If you express your hurt feelings to your partner, the only sane thing for them is to listen and apologize if they are in the wrong. However, gaslighters would rather die than apologize. It is not unpopular for them to shift the blame on you and expect you to apologize for their mistakes.

In a healthy relationship, all partners make mistakes. And it is only suitable for them to apologize. However, if you are the only one ever apologizing, yet your feelings are hurt, chances are high you are being gaslit.

#10: You are voiceless in the relationship

A gaslighter makes you feel guilty every other single time a conflict arises. They may also make you feel too needy; you decide to start keeping to yourself. They will always blame you when you express your hurt feelings.

With accumulated guilt, you may decide to start keeping to yourself. If you feel like you cannot express your feelings, or your partner has made it clear that they are not a safe space to talk about what you genuinely feel, they are probably gaslighting you.

How to Deal With Gaslighting?

Here are some tips for dealing with gaslighting in your relationships:

Confront your partner about their gaslighting. Many people do not know they are gaslighting others, so call them out.
If your partner is narcissistic, for the sake of your well-being, walk away from a such relationship.
Get support from friends and professionals.
Understand that it is not your job to stop the gaslighting pattern. But it is your job to protect yourself; walk out if the gaslighting persists.

Relationships

Karmic Relationships: 8 Undeniable Signs That You Are In One

Published

3 months ago

September 14, 2022

SOLANCHA STAFF

Are you in a passionate relationship that seems to be hitting turbulence every other day? All relationships indeed have ups and downs. But the situation is different with karmic relationships. A karmic relationship’s lows are low, and the highs and very high. It feels like strong waves carrying you.

Karmic relationships are meant to teach you a specific karmic lesson. People in karmic relationships often think they have found their soul mates. But the turn of events in their relationships later proves them wrong.

How do you know when you are in a karmic relationship? Read on to find out more.

What Is a Karmic Relationship?

A karmic relationship is highly passionate yet complicated to maintain. It feels like a raging fire consuming you. It gives you all the adrenaline you need but sometimes burns you too. Knowing you are in a karmic relationship won’t take long. The turbulence and the passion all hit from an early stage.

Here are signs that you are in a karmic relationship.

#1: Instant connection

Was it love at first sight? That is one of the signs that you could be in a karmic relationship. Sometimes if the chemistry is from the word go, it could be due to the connection you had in your past life. If you find that you have everything in common with a person you just met, be on the watch out. It could be the start of a high tidal karmic relationship.

#2: Consistent break-up/make-up cycle

A karmic relationship is filled with a lot of drama. One of the dramas that stand out is the break-up/make-up cycle. When broken, you feel like you cannot take it anymore. You literally cannot live without them; the attraction is magnetic. However, as soon as you make up with them, you are faced with lots of lows, and you break up again.

Healthy relationships may have drama too, but at a lower level. If you are locked up in the daily drama, it is a sure sign you are in a karmic relationship. Another significant issue is the tendency to create big mountains out of small anthills

#3: There is an overflow of emotions

There will always be a roller coaster of emotions in a karmic relationship. One minute you feel consumed in love, passion, and lust. The next minute, you literally cannot stand the person. You know you are caught up in a karmic relationship, if you’re constantly juggling between too much love and too much detest.

Also, you may feel addicted to each other.

#4: Repetitive behavior

You might be in a karmic relationship if you constantly have fights about the same things. You fight about an issue, solve it today, and think it is done. However, the same issue arises tomorrow, and it causes another full-blown fight.

The highs of a karmic relationship happen due to you and your partner’s high compatibility. However, the incompatibility results in constant and repetitive fights. If you have to keep solving the same issue every other day, you may want to look at the state of your relationship.

#5: You feel drained

Karmic relationships can exhaust you. A lot of times, the draining is mental and emotional. However, you may also feel physically exhausted. The repetitiveness, fear, and everyday drama are exhausting. It is normal to feel stressed in such relationships.

Sometimes, you will feel like you cannot take it anymore. However, you find yourself hanging in there for fear of ending the relationship.

#6: Fearfulness

Sometimes, a karmic relationship may feel like walking on eggshells. The relationship is very volatile and unpredictable. You do not know how the situation will be the next minute. Also, you live in constant fear of the highs suddenly turning into lows or the relationship ending.

If you always feel like you are treading on dangerous grounds, you may want to assess your relationship deeply.

#7: One-sided

Karmic relationships are typically one-sided. If one person crosses oceans for their partner, while the other cannot even jump a puddle for the sake of a relationship, chances are high that it is a karmic relationship.

A one-sided relationship is not difficult to point out. It is always clear that one partner loves the other way too much. If you feel like you cannot survive without your partner, but they can easily survive anything without you, it is one-sided.

The codependency in the relationship makes it difficult for you to break it even when you know it is toxic.

#8: There is nothing much going on outside your relationship

Is it just the two of you by yourselves? No other friends, passions, or hobbies? If it feels like you are pursuing your partner 24/7, you are in a karmic relationship.

This is one reason karmic relationships are difficult to break; you have nothing to return to at the end of the relationship. You have no friends or passions you pursue. The loneliness after breaking up with your partner will send you back into the relationship.

What Do You Do When You are in a Karmic Relationship?

When you find yourself in a karmic relationship, remember that it is meant to teach you a karmic lesson about yourself, unconditional love, patience, forgiveness, and relationships in general.

Until we learn the karmic lessons that relationships provide for us, we won’t be able to break the cycle. Even if you break up with your partner, the karmic lessons you haven’t learned from this relationship will manifest in the next one. You will be repeating the cycle until you learn the lesson.

Breaking up with a karmic partner will only cause you pain if you haven’t learned the lesson. However, when the lesson is learned, it won’t be difficult for you to finish the relationship peacefully and harmoniously without causing pain to yourself or your partner. Therefore, don’t rush to end your karmic relationships. Dive deeper into the lesson instead. Learn what needs to be learned, whether it’s acceptance without judgment, compassion, unconditional love, or self-love. It’s only after you have learned the necessary lesson that you’ll be able to finish the karmic cycle.

To help you with this process, you can perform the karmic relationship healing practice to let go of unnecessary negative cords. This practice will help you to remove the unhealthy attachments and make it easier to end the karmic cycle.