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Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Guide: Overcoming Victim Anxiety & Healing Emotional Wounds

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Are you living with a narcissist? It could be your spouse, parent, boss, workmate, or friend. If you felt preyed on by this narcissistic person in your life, chances are that you are a narcissistic abuse victim. And, if this notable other is attacking you, it is time to move on from being a victim to a survivor. In this guide, we give you the best tips to help you with your narcissistic abuse recovery.

But first, what defines narcissistic abuse?

Understanding Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic abuse can be verbal or the emotional manipulation of one person (the victim) by another (the narcissist). Unlike other forms of abuse, the narcissist aims to control the victim. Hence the perpetrator will come up with manipulative tactics for their selfish gain. 

For example, the narcissist spouse will seem loving, kind, and the dream lover during courtship. They buy expensive gifts; take you to fancy restaurants and utter gushy compliments. However, they turn to gaslighting, silent treatment, or negging once you tie the knot.

Moreover, narcissistic abuse is often subtle. Consequently, the victim and others around them may dismiss it. Like, when an abusive parent calls you clumsy and laughs it off while patting your shoulder. Their behavior, and your silent reaction to it, makes the insults seem intentioned.

How to Identify Narcissistic Abuse?

narcissistic abuse survivor image

We have four common signs that indicate you could be a victim of narcissistic abuse.

#1: Self-Doubt

Do you doubt yourself in almost everything you do or say? For example, do you struggle to make simple decisions like ordering a takeaway, enrolling in a self-care class, or picking a dress for an evening dinner? Sadly, narcissist victims don’t trust their judgment. They always struggle making daily choices.

#2: Feeling Helpless

Often, a victim of narcissistic abuse feels like nothing seems to work in their relationship. Here, you could be trying to be gentle, considerate, humble, or forgiving to your partner. Yet all your efforts fail to keep the fire burning in the relationship. Note that this sense of helplessness triggers other negative emotions like depression and anxiety, leading to hopelessness.

#3: Anxiety

Helplessness leads to anxiety. As a victim, you are constantly worrying about the relationship. Here, you fear what can happen should you end or not end the relationship. Severe anxiety triggers eating and sleeping disorders and a series of other worry-related issues that can overwhelm the victim.

#4: Isolation

Victims of narcissistic abuse feel embarrassed, ashamed, confused, and humiliated because of being in a narcissistic relationship. Moreover, they fear that everyone knows what is going on. In turn, these victims seldom share their worries with anyone.

Narcissist victims expect other people to tell them that they need to cut links with the abusers, yet they are never ready. Since the victims dread what other people will say and won’t end the relationship with the narcissist; they withdraw from any other social interactions.

Overcoming Victim Anxiety and Healing Emotional Wounds

If you suspect that you are a victim of a narcissistic relationship, start your recovery journey as soon as possible. This journey involves confronting complex emotions like anger, grief or loss, shock, sadness, and depression. In addition, when you end a narcissistic relationship, you can get overwhelmed by anxiety, fear, paranoia, and shame. So, here are some tips to overcome these complex emotions as you move from being a victim to a survivor: –

#1: Give Yourself Time to Heal

Narcissistic abuse recovery involves deep emotional wounds that take time to heal. Cutting links with someone you love, even when they hurt you is hard. Understand that holding on to past precious memories with the narcissist is acceptable. Besides, accepting your feelings for the narcissist helps you begin your narcissistic abuse recovery journey.

#2: Have Self-Compassion

mindfulness in self-healing image

Replace self-shame with self-compassion. Here, you want to reconcile with your inner critic. To do so, start by forgiving yourself for your shortcomings. This forgiveness comes from knowing that our performance is never a reflection of our self-worth.

#3: Maintain a Growth Mindset

Aspire to grow. View the narcissistic abuse as part of your learning curve to self-discovery and growth. Also, maintain a gratitude journal. It will help you appreciate your strengths and accept your failures.

#4: Practice Mindful Meditation

Learn to live in the moment. This will help you improve your active listening skills.

#5: Practice Self Care

A self-care routine helps address the anxiety and depression that come with narcissistic abuse. Here, you want to deal with your frustration and anger by channeling the negative energies toward a productive lifestyle. Here are some self-care practices you can start today: –

  • Share your doubts and concerns with close family or friends
  • Get sufficient deep sleep every day
  • Eat a balanced healthy diet
  • Maintain a healthy weight by exercising regularly
  • Maintain good hygiene
  • Have your me-time
  • Start a hobby
  • Adopt a pet

#6: Join a Support Group

Join a support group for narcissism survivors in your locality. Here, you get to share and listen to other survivors who are in their narcissistic abuse recovery journey. Next, join an online support group to access resources and connections for specific help about the abuse. You could also try following podcasts and YouTube channels that focus on coping mechanisms in your narcissistic abuse recovery.

#7: Seek Professional Help

Often, emotional wounds from narcissistic abuse result in complications such as acute depression, eating disorders, drug and alcohol abuse, and suicidal tendencies. Help from a medical expert is best. This help may involve one-on-one or group therapy sessions, psychotherapy, and medication. A trained medical professional will assess you and decide on the best treatment method for your narcissistic abuse recovery.

Conclusion

If you are a victim in a narcissistic relationship, approaching your narcissistic abuse recovery with a positive mindset is a necessary. Start by identifying the tell-tale signs of the abuse. Then, be proactive in seeking help and taking independent steps toward healing the emotional wounds. And with this right attitude and resources, a narcissistic victim can become a survivor to lead a productive lifestyle.

Healing

Psychoacoustics: A Modern Approach to Ancient Sound Healing

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Have you ever sung a song so deeply until you started crying for reasons you couldn’t explain? We also know the easiest way to get a new born baby to sleep is through singing them a lullaby. It soothes them, yet, they don’t understand the words. Have you ever wondered why? Well, psychoacoustics is the same concept being used on adults except we are not being lured to sleep. We are getting healed. 

Let us discuss this concept further.

What is Psychoacoustics?

Scientifically, we define this as a branch of psychophysics that studies sound perception and audiology. That is; how the pressure waves enter the human ear and the system that gets these acoustical signals converted into hearing. This system involves the brain. Eventually these sound waves emerge as knowledge, sensations or simply perceptions.

In layman’s language, it’s basically trying to understand how people perceive various sounds.

The History of Sound Healing

Long before man could describe music in notes, sound existed. When wind blew past the trees, or the birds woke up chanting, man called that music. Then eventually archeologists and anthropologists left communications on the walls of the Sumerian caves with special accents similar to modern musical notes. These have long been borrowed by different communities such as the French accent grave, and accent aigue. 

Later, ancient Greek physicians used lyres, flutes and zitters to heal sick patients with digestion problems, mental disturbances and insomnia. Aristotle also wrote his book “De Anima” as early as 323 BCE, arguing that flute music could purify the soul. 

By end 19th century, Diogel of Paris Salpetriere Hospital published research that proved music had positive effects on pulse rate, cardiac output, blood pressure and respiratory rate. And that’s when researchers went in full force. 

On the other hand, religious believers and shamans also had their own practices involving the use of sound. We evolved to breath-work, meditation, chanting, and toning, all as traditional approaches to invoke the power of sound. Several ancient influencers such as the Egyptian Hermes, and the Hindu cow goddess Vac, all put emphasis on music and the sound of the human voice. We also saw the rise of the Tibetian singing bowls, fork tuning and several other community practices all aimed at tapping into the healing forces of sound. How far have we progressed?

Sound Healing Image

Application of Psychoacoustics Today 

The medicine of the future is very near today. We are already experiencing several practical non-invasive technologies, and this includes sound therapy

See, when you experience sound vibrations, it’s so powerful that it penetrates deep into your DNA. Now these sounds have select pieces of orderliness that merge together with disorderliness in the recipient to create the perfect harmony as they resonate. Eventually, this resonance causes change that leads to a reset. The reset is simply an organization of the DNA, or your brain, or your body as a whole, since some form of music is a pure source of order. 

Some other form of music, however, could cause more harm. Like the vibrations from an opera singer that are too high pitched they cause the glass windows to shatter. But this shouldn’t worry you because the human body cells are more flexible and they actually enjoy these sound vibrations. Moreover, human bones and the human body are excellent conductors of sound.  

I know you are wondering what causes this disorderliness. Well, it starts from our lifestyle; what we eat and drink to where we live. We are born with pure order but along the way, we lose it. We don’t eat well, we barely sleep, and we don’t have time to exercise and so on. Now the introduction of Psychoacoustics re-trains our bodies to reclaim the pure order we were born with. 

The experts apply specific sounds for specific disorderliness and general sounds for general symptoms. These sound technologies simply aim at introducing vibrations externally to remind our DNA what pure order looks like. With repetitive therapy, the body will eventually work towards reclaiming the orderly you.  

Case Study – The Lithotripter

Medics are now using sound waves to break kidney stones. It’s a simple and straight forward approach where you are admitted in the morning and by evening you are discharged. The Lithotripter produces a specific sound frequency for an hour or two (depending on the condition of the patient), which breaks down the kidney stones. These now pulverized stones are then release normally via urine. 

This process is so gentle that we don’t require any anesthesia. And most people, only require one session. Here we see that through the use of sound resonance we can bring back the human body into harmony and avoid the need for surgery or even drugs. 

Other Benefits of Psychoacoustics

In addition to restoring specific conditions, generally, patients of Psychoacoustics will benefit from the following:

  • Reduced pain and inflammation
  • Shrinking ovarian cysts
  • Disappearing kidney stones
  • Improved joint mobility
  • Better sleep patterns
  • Reduced headaches – From chronic to mild
  • Better concentration and memory
  • Deep relaxation
  • And a positive attitude towards life 

It’s also important to mention that sound doesn’t only work through vibrations that produce resonance. But rather the heightened level of consciousness we experience during sound therapy. Having to focus your mind and thoughts on a particular repetitive sound helps us transcend to the higher beings we’re meant to be. This way, we can achieve greater focus and clarity in life and therefore induce our body cells to the state where healing starts; just like we do with meditation and Yoga.   

dna image

In addition, you must have realized that each one of us has a particular genre of music they like; one that puts them into a deep state of relaxation. Still, this works on the same principles as above. Some rhythms will have more power over you depending on your current state in life. 

Conclusion

Everything in the universe is just vibration. We are also a body of sound. As we wait for science to progress, we can harness the power of the many vibration tools available to man: from those used in ancient traditions (singing bowls), to the more modern sources of sound. Even if you don’t do it for health purposes, engage music and intentional sounds to relax and get yourself into a deep state of meditation.

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Healing

What Is Betrayal Trauma? The Signs and Tips to Start Healing

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What Is Betrayal Trauma Image

When someone you love and trust betrays you, it can make you doubt your sanity. Betrayal can be so traumatic you may even show early signs of PTSD. Think of the times a spouse discovers that their partner is cheating on them or into porn addiction. Or when a parent realizes a child is an alcoholic or drug addict. Such discoveries make you go through shock, denial, and other long-term emotional scars that strain the relationship. So, what is betrayal trauma? And, how can you manage and heal from it? Let’s have a detailed look.

Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Betrayal trauma occurs when people or systems we trust or rely on for survival violate that trust and emotional wellbeing. Ideally, we feel the urge to end a relationship with anyone who betrays us. Still, if you are in an attachment relationship where you rely on the betrayer to meet specific needs, walking away is not feasible.

It is this attachment to someone or an institution that you know is betraying you, that triggers deep emotional wounds. Typical examples of betrayal trauma include child neglect and abuse, sexual abuse, and infidelity between spouses.

6 Signs You Are Undergoing Betrayal Trauma

Betrayal trauma makes us question ourselves and our partners’ motives. It also triggers mood swings, irritability, memory loss, dissociation, isolation, lack of intimacy, and engaging in activities that distract us. Below are some additional tell-tale physiological, emotional, and mental signs of betrayal trauma: –

#1: Feeling Unsafe

When you identify the relationship with your spouse, friend, or workmates as a lie, the deception violates your trust. Moreover, you begin to question your judgment about other relationships you may have at the moment.

Emotional insecurity makes us: –

  • Struggle to open up on hard topics
  • Get defensive when criticized
  • Snoop around for clues or anything suspicious
  • Agreeing to everything
  • Blaming a partner for everything
  • Faking happy moments

#2: Gaslighting Partners

Narcissistic Abuse Image

Now, partners living a double life will do all they can to keep their other relationships a secret. At times, they may gaslight their spouses to make them question their perception of reality. For example, they claim you are overreacting when you ask about the numerous withdrawals from the family bank account. Likewise, they may blame you for triggering their short tempers, saying you changed after having kids.

#3: Self-Blame

Now, betrayal trauma makes us look inwards for answers. In hindsight, we end up blaming ourselves for being too busy and overlooking the red flags. You know, your partner’s sudden controlling behavior, deceit, gaslighting, verbal or physical abuse, and concerns by your friends or family members.

But since you love and trust your partner, wishful thinking and infatuation make you overlook all these tell-tale signs that something is amiss. Consequently, we blame ourselves, saying if only we were more attractive, loving, or had more money, the betrayal wouldn’t have happened.

#4: Overwhelming Secondary Guilt or Shame

If you hold a reputable leadership position in your community, church, school, or place of work, betrayal comes with overwhelming shame. Letting those around you know that you’re going through a divorce, or your child is a drug addict, or your parent is facing theft charges ruins the picture-perfect reputation you have. In addition, your feel ashamed for crying or not being strong enough for your kids during this challenging phase.

#5: Physical Distress

Typical physical signs of betrayal trauma include: –

  • Sudden panic attacks
  • Stomach distress
  • Sleep problems
  • Anxiety & depression
  • Easily prone to panic attacks by external triggers
  • Nightmares
  • Poor hygiene
  • Tiredness

Some physiological effects of betrayal trauma like tiredness and stomach upsets may resolve after a few weeks. Others like anxiety and depression can escalate into mental health complications unless addressed early.  

#6: Self-Destructive Impulses

narcissistic abuse survivor image

When undergoing betrayal trauma, you become vulnerable to negative impulses like: –

  • Having suicidal thoughts or attempts
  • Alcohol and drug misuse
  • Excessive smoking
  • Chronic self-injury like hair pulling, self-cutting, & nail-biting
  • Compulsive gambling, gaming, or shopping
  • Binge eating

Most victims know they are self-destructive. However, the urge to harm themselves is beyond their control.

Managing Betrayal Trauma

#1: Speak Up

Join community groups or online support forums and share your painful experiences with others. Doing so helps you know that you are not alone. Plus, you access valuable resources to help you cope with the trauma.

#2: Acknowledge Your Emotions

Start by forgiving yourself for being vulnerable to the abuser. Next, practice mindful meditation to help you release your negative emotions and begin your healing process. Journalizing how you feel each day will help you pinpoint the triggers in your self-harm behaviors or what you need to focus on in your healing journey.

#3: Practice Self-Love

Daily Self-Love Practices Image

Is your lifestyle self-destructive? Here are some self-love practices you can start right away: –

  • Practice clean eating
  • Quit smoking
  • Join your local gym
  • Go for a massage or forest bath
  • Take up a new hobby

Self-love helps us rediscover ourselves, boosting our self-esteem.

#4: Set Boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries after your spouse, friend, or colleague hurts you helps to achieve a sense of safety when around them. It is a necessary coping mechanism when you have no way of ending the relationship. Hence, you can: –

  • Review your expectations from the relationship
  • State what you can and cannot tolerate in the relationship
  • Discuss what you consider acceptable financial boundaries
  • Redefine how much friends and extended family can interfere with the relationship
  • Define what you consider as private

#5: Seek Professional Help

Betrayal trauma presents itself in a multilayer form that is best dealt with by an experienced professional. Indeed, an inexperienced family member may re-traumatize you by saying such things as “Did you stop getting intimate after having kids? Also, talk to an experienced family therapist or counselor about how the trauma affects your quality of life.

Conclusion

What is betrayal trauma to you? Well, if you experience an attachment injury when a friend, spouse, or colleague breaks the mutual trust you have, you may develop deep wounds that take time to heal. If your gut feelings tell your partner or parent is gaslighting you, they could be doing so to distract you from their deception. Likewise, if you feel unsafe, struggle with guilt, self-blame, or self-harm behaviors, seek professional help to heal from the trauma. Also, share your experience, rediscover yourself, and set firm boundaries to give you some peace of mind in this challenging time.

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Healing

Inner Child Affirmations for Nurturing & Healing the Child Within

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Inner Child Affirmations Image

Your inner child is the child that lives within you – the “part” of your personality that stores all your memories, feelings, needs, and attitudes towards yourself and others. When we are connected to our inner child, our life is filled with joy, playfulness, curiosity, inspiration, and happiness. And when we get disconnected from our inner child, we feel tired, depressed, bored with life, and sick. If you feel lost in life, tired, depressed, unhappy, or life doesn’t bring you joy anymore, it’s time to nurture and re-parent your inner child! In this article, I want to share with you the most powerful inner child affirmations that I’ve discovered throughout my practice of being a healer for over 20 years. I will also explain how these affirmations work and give you some helpful tips on how to use them most effectively.

Read on.

Inner Child Healing

Your inner child is the child that lives within your psyche. It is important that we stay connected with this sensitive part of ourselves. When we are connected to our inner child, we feel excited, enthusiastic, and inspired by life. 

If in childhood some of our important psychological needs were not met, then our inner child “gets stuck” and can not continue to grow and develop. Inner child healing can help us to face our fears and insecurities that were created in our childhood and heal these inner wounds.

Unfortunately, we live in a society that forces us to suppress our inner child. But the truth is that while most adults are physically “grown-up,” they never reach emotional and psychological maturity. In other words, most “adults” are not really adults from a maturity perspective. Instead, most people remain in a state of childish fears, anger, and trauma that has festered in the subconscious for decades.

The lack of a conscious attitude to our own inner child is one of the main causes of serious problems that we see in modern society. From environmental abuse to self-abuse, we have completely separated ourselves from our innocence and true nature.

Therefore, it will be right to say that inner child healing is an urgent matter for each and every person. It is through our inner healing that we can heal the world and mature as a society.

There are many different ways to do your inner child healing work. Here, in SOLANCHA Magazine, we published many different articles that can help you to understand how inner child healing works. Here are some of them:

6 Powerful Ways to Embrace, Heal and Re-parent Your Inner Child
Inner Child Healing: 4 Surprisingly Effective Practices
8 Signs You Have a Wounded Inner Child
Inner Child Quotes: 50 Powerful Sayings That’ll Remind You to Reparent Yours
Inner Child Healing Practice: 7 Questions to Ask Your Inner Child

In this article, I want to share with you one of the tools that you can use in your inner child healing work. This tool is inner child affirmations.

What are Inner Child Affirmations?

wounded inner child signs image

Inner child healing affirmations are short phrases containing a verbal inner child healing formula that, when repeated many times, activates the healing process in your subconscious, contributing to the improvement of your psycho-emotional background and stimulating positive changes in your life.

How Do Affirmations Work?

Every thought you think and every word you speak is an affirmation. All of your self-talk, your internal dialogue, is a stream of affirmations. You are using affirmations every moment whether you know it or not. You are affirming and creating your reality with every word you say and every thought you think.

To change our life, we need to change our thoughts. There is a link between the quality of our life and the thoughts we think daily. By repeating affirmations, you create positive vibrations in your subconscious mind which brings positive transformations into your body.

With a strong focus and concentration on positive thoughts, your mind can heal even the most serious diseases.

Affirmations are like seeds planted in soil. Poor soil provides poor growth. Rich soil gives abundant growth. The more you choose to think thoughts that make you feel good, the quicker the affirmations work.

50+ Inner Child Affirmations

Now let me share with you inner child affirmations. These affirmations will help you nurture and re-parent your inner child, activate healing processes, and become more joyful.

Here they are:

  1. Today I comfort my inner child.
  2. I am entering into a completely safe, healing space now.
  3. I accompany my inner child through the healing process.
  4. I love my inner child unconditionally.
  5. I listen to my inner child’s needs and take care of them.
  6. I trust my inner child.
  7. My inner child deserves to have a voice and I listen to that voice.
  8. I respect my childlike innicence.
  9. I validate my inner child’s feelings.
  10. The child in me is very much alive. It is a happy, joyous and fun loving child.
  11. I re-parent my inner child with love, understanding and compassion.
  12. I freely express my playfulness.
  13. I love being playful and friendly.
  14. I let go of pain and focus on my inner child healing.
  15. My inner child helps me become more in alignment with my true self.
  16. I create an atmosphere of peace and safety within myself.
  17. __________(your name here), you are free to make your own choices. Live your own life.
  18. I accept my childhood experiences/trauma and let it heal.
  19. I receive love and kindness with ease.
  20. Boundary setting helps me to create safety within my life.
  21. I am ensuring my inner-child feels safe through my actions.
  22. I release the feeling of isolation.
  23. I deeply love and fully accept myself and all my experiences.
  24. I release the feeling of guilt, hurt and shame.
  25. I allow myself to accept positive thoughts and words about me.
  26. I deserve to be respected and treated with love.
  27. I ensure my inner-child of his/her safety by using words of love, compassion, and kindness.
  28. A feeling of peace and tranquility comforts my being.
  29. ___________, (your name here) I love you, I care about you and I accept you as you are.
  30. I am protected and safe.
  31. Along with my inner child, I am whole and complete.
  32. I am well connecting with my inner child.
  33. I am surrounded by the all-loving energy of the Universe and I am taken care of.
  34. I am supported.
  35. I am adored.
  36. I am loved.
  37. I am protected.
  38. I am taken care of.
  39. It is safe for me to express myself.
  40. I am nurtured.
  41. It is safe for me to be me.
  42. I am nourished.
  43. It is safe for me to feel.
  44. It is safe for me to love and to be loved.
  45. It is safe for me to play and to have fun.
  46. It is safe for me to give and to receive.
  47. It is safe for me to be happy and joyful.
  48. It is safe for me to relax.
  49. It is safe for me to be close to others.
  50. It is safe for me to learn and grow.
  51. I am loved no matter what.
  52. I deserve to blossom and flourish.
  53. I deserve to live a wonderful life.
  54. I am now fully ‘me’.
  55. I am healed.
  56. I am now stepping forward into my new life – a happy life of abundance, peace, and joy!

How To Work With Inner Child Affirmations?

healing affirmations image
  1. Write down or make a printout of all the inner child affirmations you’re going to work with.
  2. Before starting to repeat your inner child affirmations, make sure to straighten your back, relax your shoulders, feel confident. You want to remove any pressure from your spine and make your energy flow freely and smoothly.
  3. Say your inner child affirmations out loud one after another, slowly and confidently.
  4. While saying the inner child affirmations look in the mirror or in the sky, or simply close your eyes and focus on your inner child image. Alternatively, you can use your childhood picture and look at it while saying the affirmations.
  5. Say the affirmations at least 8 times each.
  6. Do not use too many affirmations all at once in one session.
  7. Be consistent: practice the inner child affirmations on a daily basis.

The Bottom Line

Inner child affirmations are a technique that contributes to our childhood trauma healing. When practiced daily along with other inner child healing practices, it helps you to re-parent and nourish your inner child, become whole again, and love yourself the way you are with all your experiences.

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