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Emotional Healing From Narcissistic Abuse: Start Living Again

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Are you starting to rebuild your self-worth after a prolonged narcissistic abuse? First, congratulations! It takes lots of courage to do so. Not all victims experience emotional healing from narcissistic abuse. Besides, unless you consciously seek emotional healing from narcissistic abuse, you can quickly turn from being a victim to a perpetrator. So, where do you start?

Call the Abuse for What It Is

The first step toward emotional healing from narcissistic abuse is to put a label to the abuse you went through. Call it out for what it is!

When you have been a victim of narcissistic abuse, acknowledge what happened, to start your healing process. Remember, narcissists will do all they can to prevent you from dealing with this hurt. Hence, the second step.

Detach Yourself from the Narcissist

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Sometimes a narcissist creates an environment that is not conducive for emotional healing. Since they see their actions as fair, they will try as much as possible to convince you that what they did to you is okay.

Moreover, as long as you are in this toxic environment, it will be almost impossible to heal from the abuse. Hence, change your surroundings.

For example, you can start by deleting their links from all your social media profiles. You can also block them from texting or calling you.

Similarly, if you can physically get away from this person, then here are a few ideas you can use:

  • First, take a weekend vacation away from an abusive partner.
  • Secondly, request for a job transfer from a narcissist boss.
  • Thirdly, switch classes to another teacher.

In other words, do all that it takes to separate yourself from the source of the abuse. 

Set Clear Boundaries

Emotional Healing From Narcissistic Abuse Clear Boundaries Image

Do you still trust the person who inflicted pain on you? How often do you make independent decisions about yourself? Narcissistic abuse often happens when one has total trust in the perpetrator.

The victim puts his/her guard down, allowing the abuser to inflict pain on them. Hence, start setting clear boundaries about what is and is not acceptable to you. Let the narcissist know when they cross these boundaries and demand a change in their behavior.

If need be, seek assistance from someone that you both trust and respect.

Detoxify

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Living with a narcissist has a long-term emotional drain on the victims. This drain is particularly hard on empaths who tend to absorb all negative energy coming their way as their own. Hence, as part of the healing process, you need to cleanse your energy and mind first.

You can achieve this through meditation, using crystals for healing, full body massage, and other relaxation techniques. Get in touch with nature and let its positive energy impact on you once again.

Forgive Yourself

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Now that you can separate yourself from the abuse and the abuser, what do we mean when we talk about emotional healing from narcissistic abuse?

Often, as a victim of narcissistic abuse, you may blame yourself for what happened to you. It’s understandable to feel that way. Still, don’t dwell too much on self-pity and hate. Note that you are an ordinary person who did all you could to protect yourself.

Since the narcissist is a natural manipulator, your efforts may not have been adequate to shield you from harm. He/she may have used your traits against you. It’s okay. It was not your fault. Hence, learn to forgive yourself.

Besides, now you know the games narcissists play. Plan not to be a victim in the future.

Take Responsibility

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Once you have acknowledged the abuse, and forgiven yourself, take responsibility for what you may have overlooked. Despite being a victim, deep down in your heart, you may have ignored that feeling that kept reminding you something was not right.

Take a step back and think of the series of events that led to the abuse. Was there anything you would have done differently? 

For example, did you feel that this is not the person you want to marry, and despite your parents’ advice against it, you still went ahead with the wedding? Or, did you cheer on the narcissist because he/she was showering you with expensive gifts?

Learn from these mistakes and promise not to do them again.

Focus on the Future

Emotional Healing From Narcissistic Abuse Clear Boundaries Bright Future Image

You made it through the narcissistic abuse. Now, get back to planning your future. This step is essential in helping you detach with your painful past. Do this by dedicating quality time to self-improvement.

Dream again!

Start your day with some uplifting quotes or positive affirmations! Save up for that long summer vacation that your partner never wanted you to go. Go back to school and refresh or learn a new skill. Love yourself.

Help Others through Their Healing Process

One other way to attain emotional healing from narcissistic abuse is by helping other victims heal from their wounds. This way, you’ll get to share your experience and discuss ways of coping as a group.

Take part in group meditation and therapy sessions. Be conscious of what is happening around you and swing to action whenever you need to.

Conclusion

Emotional healing from a narcissistic abuse may seem impossible, especially if you’ve been going through it for so long that you lost touch with reality. Still, you can always start your journey to recovery even now. Start by acknowledging that you are a victim and keep off from the narcissist. I hope these tips will help you know what to do to make your healing process successful. Use these tips also to avoid a similar narcissistic abuse in the future.

Personal Development

The Collective Shadow: Overcoming Our Biggest Blindspot

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Everywhere you go people maintain strong beliefs that shape their cultural and social interactions. General opinions about a certain culture, race, sex, political ideals, or spiritual views have a great impact on society as a whole. Yet, not everyone has the same view about such matters as interracial marriages, LGBT, abortion, or even how you should raise your child. That’s why, when you are on the receiving end of these beliefs, you can accumulate collective shadows from as early as childhood. These shadows define who you are today, robbing you of a fulfilled life. If you want to understand the concept of the collective shadow and how you can de-clutter from your current pile of collective shadows to live a meaningful life, this article is for you!

What Is a Collective Shadow?                                          

A collective shadow refers to those lingering memories relating to unpleasant events that took place at different stages of our lives. These events are due to a deviation of beliefs stemming from your immediate family, immediate culture and society, or the global community. Think of all those childhood wounds or intergenerational traumas you may have gone through when you were a victim of racism, homophobia, or stereotyping in your school, workplace, or overall community.

How you manage these wounds dictates whether you will live a fulfilled life or become a restless soul. More so, you may turn from being a victim to a perpetrator, projecting your perceived inferiority on those you see as morally deficient because, naturally, your mind will refer to these layers of psychological junk in all your decision-making.

The Sources of Collective Shadow

Below are some ideologies that plant toxic memories making up an individual’s collective shadow:

  • Homophobia
  • Apartheid
  • Sexism
  • Slavery
  • Human trafficking
  • Racism
  • Ableism
  • Speciesism
  • Religious discrimination

Ideally, the source of a collective shadow is any ideology that looks down or rejects a certain group or individuals. And, some people deal with two or more sources at the same time. For example, a child who is a victim of human trafficking may end up in a region where racism is rampant.

The Implications

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A collective shadow results in an unpleasant character-forming in a person involuntarily. More so, many victims hardly recognize the shadow as the root cause of their prejudices towards minority groups. In turn, you may have an interpersonal conflict or even a fully-fledged war as witnessed in many countries across the globe.

Hence, deal with any shadow elements you have as early as possible. Expect a layered process that may start with you but not necessarily end with you.  For example, Nelson Mandela’s contribution towards ending apartheid in South Africa took more than his effort to accomplish. And, the movement against apartheid goes on now even in the absence of this former president. 

The Shadow Work

Shadow work entails confronting all the past atrocities, horrors, and tragedies that have created a blind spot in our unconscious mind. If you are under the guidance of a spiritual leader, a teacher, or a mentor, chances are that they have brought up the need for shadow work in your life. For these leaders encourage their followers, students, or mentees to reflect on what is lurking in their lives.

Spirituality Denying Shadow Work

There is a growing tendency for spirituality to cover up the need for shadow work. For, the layered process may evoke feelings of disgust, shame, anger, or getting defensive. Hence, many spiritual leaders use such phrases as:

  • Collective shadows are the victim’s karma
  • The shadow elements are the victim’s reality
  • Their spiritual work focuses only on the positives
  • They want to encourage the “good vibes”
  • The victim of collective shadows brought it on themselves in the first place
  • We live in an illusion whereby everything is love and society is inherently evil

The above opinions are far from true. For example, attributing the shadow elements to karma dismisses the victim’s pain. And, focusing on the positive aspects of life is an avoidance approach that hinders conflict resolution. More so, these notions can create more collective shadows in the victims that seek guidance from the said spiritual leaders. Yet, when done with compassion, shadow work is achievable.

3 Ways to Unravel the Collective Shadow

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#1: Be Receptive to Others

Did you grow up exposed to stereotypes on sexuality, spirituality, or certain medical practices? Seek knowledge on these ideologies. Accommodate those you view as not fitting in your circle. Do this by spending more time with them to hear their perceptions. Chances are, the effects of a long-overdue misunderstanding or unresolved conflict are being passed on from one generation to the next. Therefore, be the one to break this chain.

#2: Examine Your Role in Perpetuating the Beliefs

Once you identify your collective shadow, ask yourself how your actions are sustaining these false beliefs. For example, who are you following on social media? Take a closer look at the people you listen to, the friends you have, the activities and people you financially support, the feelings you have toward certain groups. Think about the ways you could be perpetuating old and unhealthy ideas and beliefs. By questioning your actions, you become able to see how even you could become a source of the shadow elements for future generations.

#3: Acknowledge Your Responsibility

One way or another, each of us unconsciously internalized parts of the Collective Shadow. When you drop your ego, you’ll be able to clearly see your participation in the Collective Shadow.

Whatever you did, own up to your mistakes by recognizing them as lessons. Approach the person you hurt and seek their forgiveness and forgive yourself for not being your best self in particular situations. It’s okay to be imperfect and say the wrong thing. What matters is what you do after you learn that you’ve made a mistake. Only a few of us are able to take the responsibility to correct the impact of our utterances. Finally, learn to be humble, apologize, and take sincere steps to open your heart and mind.

Conclusion

Collective shadows pile up over time, becoming a disruptive thick layer that impacts the rest of our lives. They define who you are today, and how you view anyone that is of a differing opinion or belief. So, if you realize that you are holding on to dysfunctional beliefs from your traumatic past, engage in shadow work to remove these layers of lies. Start by listening to those of a contrary opinion to yours. Check how your collective shadows are provoking biased decision-making against minority groups. And, in humility, acknowledge those you hurt.

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Personal Development

Soul Loss: 5 Signs You Are Going Through It

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Did you know that our minds and bodies activate an elaborate survival mechanism when we undergo immense emotional or physical trauma? Think of that fatal road accident where the victim is the only survivor, the loss of a loved one, a painful divorce, or child molestation. 

Scientific studies  suggest that excessive stress induces the reprogramming of particular brain receptors at the amygdala (the brain’s emotional center). These protect us from developing uncontrollable fear. One of the effects of such brain coping mechanisms is soul loss.

A part of our soul leaves the body, allowing us to survive the trauma. Have you ever experienced soul loss? How did it happen, and what were the implications? Here is a detailed guide: –

Understanding Soul Loss

Psychologists define soul loss as the departure of the soul from the physical body and traveling through spiritual realms, with a possibility of not returning. For, the traumatized part of the soul fragments and disassociates from the body. Likewise, Animism reasons that the soul can detach from the body and wander into the spiritual realms as we sleep. And, spiritual practitioners like Shamans can guide and control a wandering soul, back to its body.

Below are typical phrases persons undergoing soul loss would use describing it: –

  • Feeling lost, living in a limbo
  • Someone mentions that they have never been the same ever since a certain traumatic event happened
  • They feel that a part of them is missing
  • Feeling like their lives are shattering into many pieces

Fortunately, this experience shields the sufferer from the painful psychological aftermath of the traumatic events. And, once the trauma is over, the soul should return. 

Why It Happens

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Now, you may experience soul loss when dealing with emotional, physical, or sexual trauma. Typical instances include undergoing sexual abuse, domestic violence, extreme bodily injury, or molestation during childhood. Here, the trauma triggers the soul to flee the body, allowing us to survive the traumatic experience.

Can Soul Loss Be Permanent?

Yes. First, if the traumatic experience is ongoing, soul loss can be permanent. Here, the soul detaches from the body, and for unknown reasons, cannot find its way back to the body. For example, a soldier who spends years in the war zones, dealing with one trauma after another may experience permanent soul loss. 

Secondly, Ghost Sickness can cause permanent soul loss. Here, the ghost of a deceased person may lure the nocturnal wandering soul away from the body.

Thirdly, if the soul loss is due to the action of a discarnate entity like sorcery, it may never return to the body.

Implications of Permanent Soul Loss

Permanent soul loss can lead to illness or even death.  The illnesses are psychological. They include going into a coma, having fainting fits, prolonged loss of consciousness, or getting epileptic seizures. Often, when a soul departs the body, it heads to the land of the dead. The closer it gets in contact with the dead, the body becomes weak, and the person looks delirious. A shaman can intercept this wandering soul before it reaches the land of the dead, otherwise, the person dies.

5 Signs You Are Experiencing Soul Loss

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#1: Unending Grief

Soul loss causes deep sadness that never seems to end. Only, those around you may hardly detect the profound grief as it may not interfere with your daily activities. But, unless you address the grief, it will grow and transform into an illness.

#2: Addictions

Soul loss prevents us from connecting with what we consider as essential in our lives. Eventually, you may turn to addictions, substance abuse, workaholism, eating disorders, unhealthy sexual relationships, dogmatic beliefs, or stimulants to try and fill the void.

#3: Chronic Depression

A traumatic experience that results in soul loss may be followed by a massive depression episode. Here, you may lose interest in your career or hobbies. Constant sadness may prompt you to shut out your friends and loved ones.

These feelings of worthlessness, helplessness, and hopelessness may last for weeks or months. Note that, chronic depression is a mental disorder treatable via medical interventions. You should seek medical help as soon as possible.

#4: Suicidal Tendencies

Chronic depression, if not treated, may lead to suicidal thoughts. Here, the victim’s search for meaning in life seems to bear no fruit. It is the ultimate effect of depression eating away at what we consider our basis for living until we remain hollow inside.  In turn, they see death as the only way out of their current anguish.

#5: Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Syndrome (PTSD)

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is quite common with war veterans returning home from war. For, these former soldiers have had their spirits exposed to immense degradation. 

However, these victims stop speaking about war or the unimaginable horrors they witnessed ever again. In turn, the silence takes a toll on their family, relationships, and future careers and hobbies. PTSD may also occur due to a mother who had painful childbirth, refugees fleeing war in their countries, and accidents that involve severe trauma. Hypnosis is one of the effective ways of managing PTSD.

Soul Retrieval

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Soul loss results in lost vitality which can result in illness or sudden death.  Yet, this experience is a vital brain coping mechanism that shields us from the massive trauma we are going through. One way to regain your life is by undergoing the soul retrieval process. Soul retrieval aims at connecting the dots in our lives, attracting the wandering soul back to the body. Here are some known soul retrieval practices:

  • Visualization and Meditation – It taps into the power of imagination to bring back the fragmented soul.
  • Tapping into our Inner Archetypes – Use our positive archetypes to unblock what is obscuring the soul
  • Yoga, Binaural Beats, and Breathing Exercises – Alter our state of consciousness to guide the spirit back to the body
  • Self-Hypnosis – Works like yoga and meditation
  • Prayer and Mantra – Wade off negative energies that may have a hold on the wandering soul.

Conclusion

Soul loss may happen to anyone who is undergoing a traumatic life experience. It causes a disharmony that is visible as a multitude of illnesses or even death. Yet, there are proven ways to reconnect to the wandering soul and restore harmony to the body. Practices like hypnosis, yoga and meditation, and visualization, under the guidance of a spiritual healer, will help you overcome soul loss.

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Personal Development

The Common Ego Defense Mechanisms and Their Impact on Self-Growth

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We all go through and react differently to conflict and stress at some point in our lives. But, are you the kind that will repress the situation, deny that it is happening, or direct your frustrations to the nearest person that is less threatening to you? If your mind is constantly telling you that you are a hopeless, good for nothing person, that is your ego defense mechanism at work. Mental traps our minds use unconsciously to avoid feelings of guilt or shame.

Understanding Ego Defense Mechanisms

See, ego defense mechanisms refers to the psychological strategies that we use to detach ourselves from any unpleasant thoughts, actions, or events. That way, our sanity stays intact, and we can cope with the uncomfortable phases in our lives.

The Psychoanalytic Theory

Ego defenses stem from a Psychoanalytic Theory proposed by Sigmund Freud, an Austrian Neurologist and the founder of Psychoanalysis.  The theory describes the sum of our personality based on the unconscious mind; an interaction between our id (instincts), ego (reality), and super-ego (morality).

This unconscious mind is shaped by the events from our childhood. It also dictates how we behave when in conflict or stress. If we have deeply repressed conflicts in our unconscious mind, it will show up later on in our adult lives, affecting our self-growth. Hence, Freud aimed at making this unconscious mind conscious and addressing these dysfunctional thoughts.

How It Happens

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Ego defenses are inevitable in our psychological development. For, they help us deal with unpleasant encounters. However, the unconscious mind may be clinging to an outdated reality to try and protect us from the current unpleasant situation.

And, since these cognitive errors are so ingrained in our minds, we hardly realize how much it is affecting our decision making and growth. Hence, you end up with a perception tainted with negativity that results in unrealistic beliefs.

Common Ego Defense Mechanisms

Below are the 6 most common ego defense mechanisms and how they affect our lives and self-growth process: –

#1: Extremism

Definition: Having extreme beliefs about life. Here, the person views life in black or white, with no room to accommodate in-between beliefs. They express their view in the absolute.

Examples: Using such phrases as, “I am ugly”, “Other people are always out to get me”, and “They hate me”.

Implications: False extremist beliefs leave us with low self-worth, hurting our social interactions and growth.

#2: Repression

Definition: Hiding ideas or feelings in the unconscious mind since we see them as too painful or socially unacceptable. Here, the person puts on a cheerful front unconsciously denying any unpleasant impulses in their lives.

Examples: Repressed memories of sexual abuse in a child may hinder them from forming meaningful relationships in their adult life. A phobia for pets due to a dog bite that happened to the child years ago.

Implications: Repressed memories can only be recalled using hypnosis or other therapeutic tools.

#3: Suppression

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Definition: The conscious blocking of any unpleasant feelings that we find too difficult to face. It is similar to repression, only done by the conscious mind. People who opt to suppress their feelings want to avoid getting anxious.

Examples: A patient choosing not to talk about their recent diagnosis of cancer so that they won’t have to think of the implications of the illness. A student who is sitting for an exam without adequately preparing for it may opt to remain positive about their outcomes, to prevent panic attacks.

Implications:  Suppressed emotions lead to physical stress seen as erratic blood pressure, insomnia, and memory loss.

#4: Regression

Definition: Slowing or having a negative growth due to underlying stress. Here, the person seems to act immature, childish, or in an age-inappropriate manner, as they regress to their behavior at an earlier developmental stage. This mechanism offers a temporary feeling of safety. The person relates to a safer, carefree stage in their life when all their needs were met.

Examples: A teenage bedwetting when they had stopped it a few years earlier. Adults throwing tantrums at the thought of divorce.

Implications: Regression is an ineffective way of dealing with life stressors. In turn, the persistent avoidance of hardships makes the victim over-dependent on others to make most of their life decisions.

#5: Denial

Definition: Refusing to acknowledge a difficult event in our lives. Here, the person may distort their reality by denying its existence.

Examples:  A drug, smoke, or alcohol addicts refusing to acknowledge their addiction.  A terminally ill person failing to seek medical help, hoping that the illness will cease to exist.

Implications: Temporary denial of a serious diagnosis or a traumatic event is acceptable because it gives the victim time to prepare to face the harsh reality. However, if this denial is prolonged, it may result in regressive behaviors, with the victim throwing tantrums, crying, or demanding special treatment.

#6: Sublimation

Definition: A mature ego defense mechanism where an individual channels their disruptive impulses into socially acceptable behaviors.

Examples: A person taking up a dangerous hobby to channel their childhood anger impulses into the sport. A cheating spouse taking their partners out for dinner to try and ‘compensate’ for their infidelity.

Implications: Unlike other ego defense mechanisms, sublimation is a positive way of channeling our negative impulses to a substitute object in a socially acceptable way.

What Next? Overcoming Negative Ego Defense Mechanisms

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Ego defense mechanisms can promote or be a great hindrance in self-growth. If negative, it soothes the ego into thinking that all is well, when in fact; the person has negative psychological growth. But, we can all free ourselves from these negative ego defenses using these tips:

  • Talk about your feelings
  • Control your emotions by performing appeasing activities like sublimation
  • Aim to solve any problem that arises by having a plan for action and a follow-up
  • Reorganize the way you view things by seeking psychological help in hypnosis, meditation, and breathing exercises
  • Try to find meaning in every situation so as you can learn from the unpleasant experience
  • Join a support group where you can learn from the experiences of others

Conclusion

Anytime we encounter an unpleasant situation, our egos will come up with tactics to protect us from the subsequent trauma, hence keeping us sane. However, most of these tactics derail our self-growth. You need to understand how to cope with hardships. And, seek help in addressing any dysfunctional thoughts that are now affecting your adult life.

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