Each of us, regardless of age and life experience, have been hurt by other people. Sometimes it’s easy to forgive and let go of your resentment. But there are situations that hurt us so deeply that we can’t let go of the pain that takes away our energy and inner peace. If you feel hurt and think that it’s definitely not easy for you to forgive someone who has caused you pain then this article can be helpful. I’ll share with you how to forgive by using different effective techniques for letting go of your resentment.
Why Do We Need to Forgive?
Before I start going into different forgiveness techniques I want you to have a clear understanding of why you need to forgive. Often, I hear people saying: “Why do I need to forgive if the person who hurt me never even apologized?”. And this is a good question! By answering this question I want to give you a list of very serious reasons why you need to learn how to forgive.
10 Reasons Why We Need to Learn How to Forgive
#1 Forgiveness allows us to take responsibility for our own happiness
Everything that we attract into our lives is just a reflection of our inner world. Our thoughts and actions create our environment. The law of attraction teaches us that we always attract what we radiate.
When we radiate anger and resentment (even on the subconscious level), we make our way, also filled with anger and resentment. Our feelings and emotions are the building blocks for our future.
In other words, if you feel negative emotions towards someone, eventually you will attract these kinds of emotions towards you. Therefore, focusing on something negative will always bring more negativity in your life.
#2 Forgiveness helps us to develop
Family members, husbands, wives, friends, bosses, etc. — all come into our lives so we can learn more about ourselves. Other people are a reflection of our hidden selves. Each person that you meet is a teacher who has come into your life with a special mission – to show you your hidden blocks or to teach you to forgive, to love, to be more compassionate or patient.
By thanking people for being part of your journey and teaching you invaluable life lessons, you will take a huge step toward expanding your consciousness.
If you have a “broken heart” after breaking up with your partner, forgiveness will help you to avoid repeating this unpleasant scenario in the future. If you learn how to forgive the betrayal from your beloved and all the pain he/she caused then you learn that karmic lesson and will never repeat it again in your future relationship. By going through lesson after lesson, you will expand your consciousness that will allow you to avoid repeating the same unpleasant experience over and over again.
#3 Forgiveness helps us stop being a victim
When you learn how to forgive and be grateful for your karmic lessons, you will finally stop being the victim. Each of us has the gift of creating our own reality. However, you can’t be both – the victim and the Master of your life. When you blame someone else for your problems, when you have resentment towards someone, when you’re angry and mad, you automatically give the other person control of your life and thus choose the role of the victim.
Therefore, if you want to build your life according to your own rules, if you want to choose your destiny and be the Creator of your own reality, then you need to take responsibility for every situation that happens in your world. Instead of blaming others, take a closer look at yourself, your subconscious fears and insecurities, your blocked emotions and feelings. You need to face your “shadow self” and find out what hidden parts of you attracted certain scenarios and people’s behaviors.
Only through self-knowledge can you stop being a victim and become responsible for your own life.
#4 Forgiveness helps us to understand that most people do their best
Treat other people with understanding and empathy. Their actions may be incomprehensible to you, but most people do their best according to their level of awareness and understanding of their surroundings.
#5 Forgiveness helps to be forgiven
We are all human beings and capable of making mistakes. And deep down, we all hope for forgiveness for ourselves. When we forgive others for their actions and the pain they caused us, we create the space in which our wrong actions (conscious or unconscious) against other people will also be forgiven.
The law of attraction works in the way that if we give something, eventually, we will get it back. So, if you offer somebody your forgiveness, eventually, when you need it most, you will be forgiven too.
#6 Forgiveness helps to take control of ego and pride
Most spiritual teachers would agree with me saying that ego and pride are the biggest obstacles on your spiritual path. It’s extremely difficult to take control of them. Therefore, most spiritual traditions have an endless number of practices helping to gain that control.
However, the most effective lesson that life can give you to test your ego is to put you into the situation when you’re deeply hurt. The whole situation of feeling resentment is a wonderful life lesson that helps you to destroy your ego and pride. You see, if you have too much pride you will never be able to forgive. Forgiveness takes compassion, love, and empathy which are opposite to ego and pride.
#7 Forgiveness creates space for new relationships
By forgiving and letting go, we create a space that we can fill with new people, relationships, and feelings.
#8 Forgiveness removes the separation
When we have resentment towards someone we create a life that makes us feel like we are not safe. Subconsciously, we feel that we are not protected, insecure, that something bad can happen at any moment. You see, resentment creates disconnection that leads to a conflict with the Universe. Our entire Universe is built on the oneness. And any separation that happens in the macro or micro-world leads to a disaster.
Resentment is an act of separation in our 3D world. Oppositely, forgiveness itself is an act of reuniting and of recognition of oneness with all people and the world we live in.
#9 Resentment can cause cancer
A huge body of evidence has connected cancer with emotional health, and specifically to high-stress levels, a chronic feeling of resentment (suppressed anger) to cancer.
“Extremely low anger scores have been noted in numerous studies of patients with cancer. Such low scores suggest suppression, repression, or restraint of anger. There is evidence to show that suppressed anger can be a precursor to the development of cancer, and also a factor in its progression after diagnosis” [source].
“Extreme suppression of anger was the most commonly identified characteristic of 160 breast cancer patients who were given a detailed psychological interview and self-administered questionnaire” [source]
#10 Forgiveness keeps us away from hurting others
Have you heard the saying: “Hurt people hurt people”? We all are capable of hurting others as long as we have resentment. Only people that deeply hurt can reflect their pain on others. You see, you always give people what you’re made of. If you are made of love, you will radiate love, and people around you become more loving. But if you hold resentment, you spread the pain that caused it, and people around you will eventually become victims of your destructive pain. Usually, it is our families, friends and the closest people that suffer from our suppressed anger.
Therefore, if you want the people you love to be happy, give them a gift of forgiveness.
5 Spiritual Tools For Forgiveness
Regardless of whether you belong to any religion or not, prayer is a very powerful spiritual tool to forgive someone.
For performing forgiveness prayer, imagine the offender mentally and repeatedly say the following words:
“With gratitude, love and Divine help, I forgive you (name) and accept you for who you are completely.
I apologize to you (Name) for provoking you with my thoughts or actions (conscious or unconscious) to hurt me. I also apologize to you (Name) for negative emotions, thoughts, and actions towards you.
I’m grateful for the karmic lesson that I learned with your help. I’m grateful for your assistance on my spiritual journey.
I’m taking full responsibility for this situation and letting you go!”
Find a comfortable place where no one will disturb you. Close your eyes, relax.
Once you are completely relaxed, imagine that you are in a darkened theater hall. There is a small stage in front of you. Now visualize the person you want to forgive.
When you see this person clearly, imagine that something good is happening to him/her, something that is of great importance to this person. Visualize this person smiling and happy. Hold this image in your mind for a few minutes, and then let it disappear.
Now visualize yourself on that stage. Imagine that something good happened to you. Imagine yourself happy and smiling.
Now concentrate on the idea that there are enough good things in the Universe for all of us. When you feel that your concentration is going away, finish the meditation.
This exercise dissolves the dark clouds of accumulated resentment. Some will find this exercise very difficult. However, consistent practice will make this meditation easier and easier. Do this meditation once a day for a month and see how much easier your life will become.
#3 Making a List
Write on a piece of paper the names of all the people you think have ever hurt you. Next to each person’s name, write what they did to you and what you resent them for.
Then close your eyes, relax, and one by one visualize each person. Hold a small conversation with each of them and explain to them that in the past you felt anger or resentment towards them, but now intend to do everything in your power to forgive them for everything. Give them your blessing and say: “I forgive you and let you go. Be happy.”
When you are done with this process, write on that piece of paper, “Now I forgive and let you all go”. Burn that piece of paper as a symbol that you are freed from these experiences of the past.
#4 Karmic Relationship Healing Practice
It is a very powerful practice that is aimed at the liberation from negative energy cords to a particular person. I would say that this is the most effective way to heal yourself from resentment and any negative emotions towards other people. To learn more about this practice read my article “Karmic Relationship Healing: Effective Practice To Let Your Past Go!”.
The Bottom Line
Representatives of different religions, as well as numerous psychologists and spiritual teachers, talk about the importance of forgiveness. They all agree on one thing – if the offender appeared in your life, there is a reason for it. This means that for some reason we need to go through this difficult and painful lesson, just for learning how to love and forgive regardless of circumstances.