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How To Forgive Someone Who Has Deeply Hurt You

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Each of us, regardless of age and life experience, have been hurt by other people. Sometimes it’s easy to forgive and let go of your resentment. But there are situations that hurt us so deeply that we can’t let go of the pain that takes away our energy and inner peace. If you feel hurt and think that it’s definitely not easy for you to forgive someone who has caused you pain then this article can be helpful. I’ll share with you how to forgive by using different effective techniques for letting go of your resentment.

Why Do We Need to Forgive?

Before I start going into different forgiveness techniques I want you to have a clear understanding of why you need to forgive. Often, I hear people saying: “Why do I need to forgive if the person who hurt me never even apologized?”. And this is a good question! By answering this question I want to give you a list of very serious reasons why you need to learn how to forgive.

10 Reasons Why We Need to Learn How to Forgive

#1 Forgiveness allows us to take responsibility for our own happiness

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Everything that we attract into our lives is just a reflection of our inner world. Our thoughts and actions create our environment. The law of attraction teaches us that we always attract what we radiate.

When we radiate anger and resentment (even on the subconscious level), we make our way, also filled with anger and resentment. Our feelings and emotions are the building blocks for our future.

In other words, if you feel negative emotions towards someone, eventually you will attract these kinds of emotions towards you. Therefore, focusing on something negative will always bring more negativity in your life.

#2 Forgiveness helps us to develop

Family members, husbands, wives, friends, bosses, etc. — all come into our lives so we can learn more about ourselves. Other people are a reflection of our hidden selves. Each person that you meet is a teacher who has come into your life with a special mission – to show you your hidden blocks or to teach you to forgive, to love, to be more compassionate or patient.

By thanking people for being part of your journey and teaching you invaluable life lessons, you will take a huge step toward expanding your consciousness.

If you have a “broken heart” after breaking up with your partner, forgiveness will help you to avoid repeating this unpleasant scenario in the future. If you learn how to forgive the betrayal from your beloved and all the pain he/she caused then you learn that karmic lesson and will never repeat it again in your future relationship. By going through lesson after lesson, you will expand your consciousness that will allow you to avoid repeating the same unpleasant experience over and over again.

#3 Forgiveness helps us stop being the victim

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When you learn how to forgive and be grateful for your karmic lessons, you will finally stop being the victim. Each of us has the gift of creating our own reality. However, you can’t be both – the victim and the Master of your life. When you blame someone else for your problems, when you have resentment towards someone, when you’re angry and mad, you automatically give the other person control of your life and thus choose the role of the victim.

Therefore, if you want to build your life according to your own rules, if you want to choose your destiny and be the Creator of your own reality, then you need to take responsibility for every situation that happens in your world. Instead of blaming others, take a closer look at yourself, your subconscious fears and insecurities, your blocked emotions and feelings. You need to learn your “dark side” and find out what hidden parts of you attracted certain scenarios and people’s behaviors.

Only through self-knowledge can you stop being a victim and become responsible for your own life.

#4 Forgiveness helps us to understand that most people do their best

Treat other people with understanding and empathy. Their actions may be incomprehensible to you, but most people do their best according to their level of awareness and understanding of their surroundings.

#5 Forgiveness helps to be forgiven

We are all human beings and capable of making mistakes. And deep down, we all hope for forgiveness for ourselves. When we forgive others for their actions and the pain they caused us, we create the space in which our wrong actions (conscious or unconscious) against other people will also be forgiven.

The law of attraction works in the way that if we give something, eventually, we will get it back. So, if you offer somebody your forgiveness, eventually, when you need it most, you will be forgiven too.

#6 Forgiveness helps to take control of ego and pride

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Most spiritual teachers would agree with me saying that ego and pride are the biggest obstacles on your spiritual path. It’s extremely difficult to take control of them. Therefore, most spiritual traditions have an endless number of practices helping to gain that control.

However, the most effective lesson that life can give you to test your ego is to put you into the situation when you’re deeply hurt. The whole situation of feeling resentment is a wonderful life lesson that helps you to destroy your ego and pride. You see, if you have too much pride you will never be able to forgive. Forgiveness takes compassion, love, and empathy which are opposite to ego and pride.

#7 Forgiveness creates space for new relationships

By forgiving and letting go, we create a space that we can fill with new people, relationships, and feelings.

#8 Forgiveness removes the separation

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When we have resentment towards someone we create a life that makes us feel like we are not safe. Subconsciously, we feel that we are not protected, insecure, that something bad can happen at any moment. You see, resentment creates disconnection that leads to a conflict with the Universe. Our entire Universe is built on the oneness. And any separation that happens in the macro or micro-world leads to a disaster.

Resentment is an act of separation in our 3D world. Oppositely, forgiveness itself is an act of reuniting and of recognition of oneness with all people and the world we live in.

#9 Resentment can cause cancer

A huge body of evidence has connected cancer with emotional health, and specifically to high-stress levels, a chronic feeling of resentment (suppressed anger) to cancer.

“Extremely low anger scores have been noted in numerous studies of patients with cancer. Such low scores suggest suppression, repression, or restraint of anger. There is evidence to show that suppressed anger can be a precursor to the development of cancer, and also a factor in its progression after diagnosis” [source].

“Extreme suppression of anger was the most commonly identified characteristic of 160 breast cancer patients who were given a detailed psychological interview and self-administered questionnaire” [source]

#10 Forgiveness keeps us away from hurting others

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Have you heard the saying: “Hurt people hurt people”? We all are capable of hurting others as long as we have resentment. Only people that deeply hurt can reflect their pain on others. You see, you always give people what you’re made of. If you are made of love, you will radiate love, and people around you become more loving. But if you hold resentment, you spread the pain that caused it, and people around you will eventually become victims of your destructive pain. Usually, it is our families, friends and the closest people that suffer from our suppressed anger.

Therefore, if you want the people you love to be happy, give them a gift of forgiveness.

5 Spiritual Tools For Forgiveness

#1 Prayer

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Regardless of whether you belong to any religion or not, prayer is a very powerful spiritual tool to forgive someone.

For performing forgiveness prayer, imagine the offender mentally and repeatedly say the following words:

“With gratitude, love and Divine help, I forgive you (name) and accept you for who you are completely.

I apologize to you (Name) for provoking you with my thoughts or actions (conscious or unconscious) to hurt me. I also apologize to you (Name) for negative emotions, thoughts, and actions towards you.

I’m grateful for the karmic lesson that I learned with your help. I’m grateful for your assistance on my spiritual journey.

I’m taking full responsibility for this situation and letting you go!”

#2 Meditation

Daily Prayer And Meditation Image

Find a comfortable place where no one will disturb you. Close your eyes, relax.

Once you are completely relaxed, imagine that you are in a darkened theater hall. There is a small stage in front of you. Now visualize the person you want to forgive.

When you see this person clearly, imagine that something good is happening to him/her, something that is of great importance to this person. Visualize this person smiling and happy. Hold this image in your mind for a few minutes, and then let it disappear.

Now visualize yourself on that stage. Imagine that something good happened to you. Imagine yourself happy and smiling.

Now concentrate on the idea that there are enough good things in the Universe for all of us. When you feel that your concentration is going away, finish the meditation.

This exercise dissolves the dark clouds of accumulated resentment. Some will find this exercise very difficult. However, consistent practice will make this meditation easier and easier. Do this meditation once a day for a month and see how much easier your life will become.

#3 Making a List

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Write on a piece of paper the names of all the people you think have ever hurt you. Next to each person’s name, write what they did to you and what you resent them for.

Then close your eyes, relax, and one by one visualize each person. Hold a small conversation with each of them and explain to them that in the past you felt anger or resentment towards them, but now intend to do everything in your power to forgive them for everything. Give them your blessing and say: “I forgive you and let you go. Be happy.”

When you are done with this process, write on that piece of paper, “Now I forgive and let you all go”. Burn that piece of paper as a symbol that you are freed from these experiences of the past.

#4 Karmic Relationship Healing Practice

It is a very powerful practice that is aimed at the liberation from negative energy cords to a particular person. I would say that this is the most effective way to heal yourself from resentment and any negative emotions towards other people. To learn more about this practice read my article “Karmic Relationship Healing: Effective Practice To Let Your Past Go!”.

The Bottom Line

Paulo Coelho Forgiveness Quote Image

Representatives of different religions, as well as numerous psychologists and spiritual teachers, talk about the importance of forgiveness. They all agree on one thing – if the offender appeared in your life, there is a reason for it. This means that for some reason we need to go through this difficult and painful lesson, just for learning how to love and forgive regardless of circumstances.


Katya Ki is the Founder and Editor-In-Chief of SOLANCHA Magazine, a Feng Shui Master, a Metaphysical Expert, a Reiki Master, and Human Rights Attorney. She has been studying Eastern metaphysics and esotericism for almost 20 years now. And she's still discovering new knowledge, which is hidden in ancient teachings. During her pilgrimage to the monastery of Saint Catherine in Egypt, she discovered the SOLANCHA System. This is how the SOLANCHA journey started!

Personal Development

5 Signs That You Got Stuck In Your Comfort Zone

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Your comfort zone is a situation in which you feel comfortable and you don’t have to do anything new or difficult. We all have a comfort zone, but it’s essential to step outside it, challenge yourself, and deal with life in order to grow, transition, and transform. Stepping outside of your comfort zone is key to discovering your passion, accomplishing your goals, and finding happiness.

In this article, I want to share with you 5 signs that you might be stuck in your comfort zone.

Safe but Dangerous Place

You may think that your comfort zone is not a bad place to be, right? I mean, you’re comfortable, so you must be happy?

If only it worked out that way. Unfortunately, the longer you stay within your comfort zone, the less happy you tend to be.

When we are stuck in our comfort zone, we’re willing to stay in a situation that doesn’t make us happy, for fear that the discomfort we’ll feel by stepping outside of our current circumstances will be greater than the discontent we feel now, however unfulfilled we are.

I see a comfort zone as some kind of energy swamp. You may feel like it’s a nice and warm place but in fact, you’re drowning deeper and deeper in that swamp. Very soon you won’t be able to see or hear anything new and exciting, you will stop feeling happiness and joy. The trick with an energy swamp is you’re drowning slowly but surely. And the more comfortable you feel in there the harder it will be to get out. In order to get out of that swamp, you have to start moving!

We all need to learn how to catch the moment when we start drowning in order to start acting. The signs below will help you to diagnose your current situation and so you can begin moving out of your comfort zone.

5 Signs That You Got Stuck In Your Comfort Zone

1. You Don’t Study

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If you think that the time to study has passed when you graduated from school or college then you are definitely in the comfort zone. You have difficulty and reluctance to understand new information especially if it seems complicated or unfamiliar. You have no desire to spend your time and energy on educating yourself on something you don’t understand. You often feel skeptical of unusual and fresh ideas.

If you want to become the person who controls his/her life and creates his/her reality around him you need to make studying a part of your daily routine. Just pick the subject you are curious about but you always felt like it’s too complicated and start learning about it a little bit every day. You can choose a foreign language and start learning five words of phrases every day. Or you can sign for a course. It will boost your intellect, train your memory and will push you out of your comfort zone.

2. You Live the Same Day Over And Over Again

“Don’t live the same day over and over again and call that a life. Life is about evolving mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.” ― Germany Kent

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Do you feel like your today does not differ from yesterday, and your tomorrow will not differ from today? You either don’t believe that something can be changed or, most likely, you are afraid of a change.

If you want to make your life exciting, happy, and joyful you have to start making changes. Despite your fears and discomfort, you need to get out of the energy swamp.

You don’t have to make big changes right away. Even making one change at a time will make a difference in your life. Move slowly but surely.

Start small. For example, start making your coffee differently every morning. Don’t drink the same kind of coffee every morning. Be creative! Or take an alternative route to work. Eat at a new lunch spot. Choose something new from the menu. If you normally go to the gym every morning and work out with the weights, one day a week try to go to yoga class. In other words, come up with something new every day. Change your day up and then big changes will follow!

3. You Don’t Meet New People

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If your environment hasn’t changed in recent months or even years, and you haven’t made any new friends, this is another sign that you are stuck in a comfort zone.

To push yourself out of your comfort zone start doing small things like this daily:

  • initiate a small conversation with a stranger at the gym/yoga class/coffee shop;
  • sit next to someone new at a meeting;
  • make internet-friends with people from other countries (it’s a great way to practice the foreign language you’re learning!);
  • attent social events more often;
  • start traveling alone (it’s easier to make new friends when you travel alone rather than when you’re always surrounded by your old friends);
  • start conversations on social media.

You can easily come up with your own different ways of meeting new people. Each day gives us plenty of opportunities for this! All we need to do is just to catch them!

4. Low Energy/ Lack of Inspiration

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Staying in the comfort zone leads to a lack of goals and inspiration. You see, when our energy level decreases, the desire to create and inspiration disappears. We can’t be creative, inspired and excited about life if we don’t have enough energy.

The energy swamp acts like an energy vampire sucking the energy out of you. That’s why staying in your comfort zone is so dangerous!

It may feel like you have no energy for making any changes in your life. This may lead to the fact that you can get used to destructive conditions such as co-dependent relationships, poor living conditions, and a disdainful attitude to your health and appearance. Even if you think you want to change something you feel like you have no energy and will power for doing this.

Again, try to start small. Make an honest list of what you want to change. Do you want to get healthier? Do you want a romantic relationship that lifts you up? Do you want to be loved and respected? Start with something small! Don’t try to make major changes all at once.

If you want to get healthier, replace your chicken sandwich with a green salad, your soda with herbal tea, your movie night with work out, etc. Pick one thing at a time and turn it into a habit.

If you want to be loved and appreciated by your partner start practicing self-love. Don’t try to convince yourself that you love yourself. It doesn’t work this way. Try to do small self-rituals every day and watch what will happen!

Here are some articles that you may find helpful on your self-love journey:

5 Simple Steps To Boost Your Self-Love

Self-Love Affirmations That Really Work!!

6 Daily Self-Love Practices You Can Start Today

5. The Belief That All Your Problems Will Be Solved By Someone Else

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Of course, we should always believe that the universe will take care of us and lead us in the right direction. However, if you are stuck in your comfort zone you are not willing to take the steps in the direction the Universe is trying to guide you. It may already be sending you signs, opportunities, and the shortest ways to solve your problems and fulfill your desires. But in order to receive help and guidance from the Universe, you need to be open and ready for changes.

You may think that you always pay attention to the signs from the Universe however your problems are still unsolved and you don’t understand clearly the path you need to take. You see, usually, the Universe guides us to the path that lies outside our comfort zone. And in order to see it, we need to look for it beyond our fears and doubts.


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Gratitude

The Gift of Giving: Benefits of Generosity

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Tis the season for Gift Giving! What are the true benefits of giving? In what place do you give from? Why do you give? How does giving serve you and the ones you give to? What comes from a generous heart? In this article, I’m going to share with you what may come as a surprise, the benefits of generosity and what exactly is in the gift of giving.

Around holidays, birthdays, and celebrations we tend to give more, or we are encouraged to give gifts around these specific times. Do we really take the time to examine why we are giving and what intentions we have in our giving?

It’s important to develop and create a generous heart with no obligations or expectations of return.

Giving Just Because

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One of the main reasons to give should be because your heart desires to. Think of giving not as a duty but as a privilege.
Giving out of obligation, giving to serve the ego, giving to get something in return or giving just because it’s the holidays will not be rewarding and will not carry the same heart resonance as giving just because your heart wants to give from a place with zero expectations or obligations.

The holidays can become stressful and financially unmanageable when you are pressuring yourself to give during these specific times. We tend to look for gifts during these periods and then it becomes obligatory in nature and this can remove the pleasure that comes with giving freely from the heart.

Giving when you are prompted from your heart, versus because there’s simply a holiday present, will always be more rewarding.
It removes the pressures of only giving during the holidays and spreads cheer year around. Many of us give during these specific times because we feel like we should because it seems most everyone else is giving during these times and because socially it’s the “thing” to do and what is expected or appropriate in our society.

I encourage you to give all year around for no reason at all other than your heart’s desire. Maybe a friend or a relative is going through a tough period and you want to lift their spirits, this is a great time to activate your generosity and send a small token or handwritten note to express your sentiments. Giving as a surprise just because you appreciate others meaningful presence in your life. When people aren’t expecting gifts and they show up “just because” the joy is usually immense from the recipient.

Small gestures go a long way. The gift of giving is the gift.

Generosity Enhances Your Life On Many Levels

gift giving

You will receive an upwelling of joy and warmth that is bestowed upon the recipient when you give. The magic is reciprocated by the spirit of generosity.

It feels enriching to give. When you give you are opening your own portals to receive. When you hold, begrudge and constrict you block your own blessings and gifts of reciprocity. The more generous and giving your heart is the more space you allow for universal gifts to flow into your own life.

Giving from your heart increases your well being, transmutes stress and in turn boosts your immune system. Feeling the excitement and love that others feel from receiving your beautiful intentions and heartfelt expressions cause a multitude of chain reactions throughout your entire being. On a cellular, physical and spiritual level we are being activated in a positive energetic way. The world needs more generosity, we thrive on it, whereas greed has the opposite effect, debilitating ourselves.

There Are Many Ways to Give And Be Generous

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Many times when we think of gift giving we think of physical things that require financial means, this is not the only way to give. In fact, some of the most precious and heartfelt gifts take little to no money at all. The manner of giving is worth more than the gift.

We all know how valuable time and effort is. We live in a busy world with many demands. This is why freely gifting your time and presence is highly valued.

  • Donating an extra set of hands on a project of giving back to others.
  • Taking the time to listen and be present when others are feeling challenged.
  • Creating handmade cards, crafts, artwork or just handwritten love notes to those you hold near and dear to your heart.
  • Drawing a salt bath with essential oils for a partner, friend or loved one after a long day of work.
  • Asking how you can assist others in their time of need.
  • Offering free childcare to a single mother, father or couple that needs time for themselves.
  • Watering plants, feeding stray hungry animals, giving them shelter and a kind presence.
  • Giving someone a hug with encouragement.
  • Taking time to pray for others well being and success.
  • Holding someone’s hands when they’re afraid.
  • Holding doors open, allowing others to go in front of you in line.
  • Allowing others to be right.
  • Listening with a non-judgmental presence.
  • Listening to hear without having the need to respond.
  • Smiling and acknowledging others presence. Everyone matters.

There are endless opportunities for gift giving. Being creative and recognizing that any action, deed or gesture from the heart small or large is truly a gift.

Don’t Forget to Give to Yourself

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Ultimately by giving to others, you are giving to yourself. How you treat others is a big indicator of how you feel about yourself. Make sure you don’t forget yourself in this equation. Many of us are guilty of primarily gifting others and leaving ourselves out or feeling guilty for giving back to ourselves. You are an important part of the gift-giving circle. Treat yourself with kindness, compassion, and self-love. Make sure you refuel and restore yourself. Commit to showing up for yourself. Be good to your body. Check in with yourself regularly and make sure you are taking the time to give yourself the gift of cultivating healthy habits that enhance your mind, body, and soul.

The Bottom Line

I hope this article is a reminder that generosity comes in many different forms and that there is no certain right time to give. Most importantly that you should always give from your heart. I’ll leave you with this:

“I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver” ~Maya Angelou


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Gratitude

Powerful Gratitude Affirmations for Health, Joy, Love and Success

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The law of gratitude is one of the most important Universal laws. Gratitude is an energy exchange that leads to the movement of energy in your life. When energy moves, it becomes as pure as a mountain river. This flow always brings about happiness, health, joy, love, and success in your life. Gratitude affirmations are one of the most simple yet powerful tools you can use to enter into a grateful state fast and easily.

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Recommendations for Working With Gratitude Affirmations

First of all, I want to share with you some simple rules that will help you avoid common mistakes when you’re working with gratitude affirmations:

  1. Before starting to read your gratitude affirmations, make sure to straighten your back, relax your shoulders, feel confident. You want to remove any pressure from your spine and make your energy flow freely and smoothly.
  2. Write down or make a printout of all the gratitude affirmations you’re going to work with.
  3. Say the gratitude affirmations out loud one after another, slowly and confidently. Make it sound as if what you say has already become a reality.
  4. While saying the gratitude affirmations look in the mirror or in the sky.
  5. Say the affirmations twice a day. This should be done in the morning, as soon as possible after waking up, and in the evening, right before going to bed.
  6. Say the affirmations at least 8 times each.
  7. When you’re saying the gratitude affirmations focus your attention on the keywords.
  8. Do not use too many affirmations all at once in one session.
  9. Be consistent: read the gratitude affirmations on a daily basis.

Note

Remember that the most effective affirmations for you are the ones came up with on your own. When making affirmations, do not affirm in the negative by using “not”, use the pronouns “I”, “my” and so on instead.

Always Combine Gratitude Affirmations with Visualisation!

Visualization Image

Visualization is the mental formation of pictures of the reality you desire. This is one of the most powerful tools to achieve your goals.

To visualize is basically to imagine the desired result while reading the affirmations.

The effectiveness of visualization is due to the fact that the brain can not distinguish the real event from the imagined. Surely many have noticed that if you constantly think about what you want, sooner or later the dream comes true or opportunities present themselves in such a way that the desired dream can be actualized. This is the visualization of desires. The brain, when concentrating on a certain desire, begins to look for all the ways to implement it.

Therefore, every time you read gratitude affirmations try to visualize in detail everything you’re grateful for.

Gratitude Affirmations You Can Use

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Each gratitude affirmation has the following structure: the words “Thank you”, “I thank” or “I am grateful for”, followed by the object that you thank and all the things you are grateful for. The following is a list of gratitude affirmations.

  • Thank you, God, for all the good things in my life!
  • I’m grateful for every person I meet in my life exactly when I need him (her)!
  • Thank you, Universe, for everything you give me!
  • Thank you, Universe, for my amazing life!
  • Thank you, God, for my happy and healthy family!
  • I’m grateful for the opportunity to wake up every day in a great mood!
  • I’m grateful for my mother and father, for their unconditional love and caring for me!
  • Thank you, Universe, for what I have all is obtained!
  • Thank you, Universe, for everything you created for me!
  • Thank you, all the people, for good life lessons!
  • Thank you, God, for all the good things that are given to me!
  • Thank you, Universe, for the fact that I feel great, energized, and enthusiastic!
  • Thank you, Universe, for the beauty of nature, the opportunity to travel the world and enjoy my life on this planet!
  • Thank you, God, for creating this beautiful world in which I live happily and fully!
  • I’m grateful for every moment of my wonderful life!
  • Thank you, Universe, for all your wonderful gifts that I receive and recognize every day!
  • I’m grateful for all my wishes to come true!
  • I thank myself for my belief in love, compassion, and kindness of this world!
  • I thank myself for staying positive no matter what happens around me!
  • I thank every person I meet in my life for love, kindness, and experience!
  • I am grateful for every meal I have, for every sip of water I drink, for every breath I take!

Conclusion

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The list of affirmations I shared with you in this article is just a general idea you can use to start your gratitude practice. But it’s always more effective to create your own affirmations that contain all the things you’re grateful for. Gratitude affirmations that you come up with yourself are more personalized thus more effective for your visualizing and manifesting.

Remember to express gratitude not just for the things you already have in life but also for the things you want to attract. It’s amazing how fast it works! The Universe hears your gratitude for something you don’t have and starts changing your reality in the way that you have everything you’re grateful for. Isn’t it amazing? I always say: “To thank is easier than to ask!”. If you understand this simple thing you will never feel the need in anything!


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