We all need mother wound healing. See, the mother-daughter bond is one of the most powerful ever. It may be because she nurtured you during pregnancy and probably breastfed you. However, it goes way beyond that. Your emotional awareness is strongly affected by the mother figure in your life, even if you were adopted.
Unfortunately, many mothers live on the edge of a cliff, due to the patriarchal society we now live in. Today’s social norms push mothers to fend for everyone else at the exclusion of their own potential. In short, they end up taking on more than they can handle. They end up passing this traumatic experience to their daughters, who will, later on, pass it to their daughters.
This results in a generational passing of self-sabotaging, self-abandonment, self-disrespect, and self-awareness. The generational pain that mothers pass on to their daughters is what we refer to as a mother wound.
What is Mother Wound Healing?
The mother wound concept refers to the generational pain passed down between grandmothers, mothers, and then to their daughters. The generational pain and trauma are caused by living in a harshly patriarchal culture that is oppressive to women.
The oppressive patriarchal culture conditions women to think that they are:
- Non-deserving;
- Unworthy;
- And lesser beings in society.
By existing in such a society, girls often grow up to be women socialized to abide by the social doctrines of patriarchy. They, therefore, play small to accommodate and tolerate others, all while devaluing and abandoning themselves.
The result is women that tend deeply toward others and forget to explore their full potential.
If this pain is not resolved, mothers can easily pass it down to their daughters. Girls raised by mothers who have internalized these negative messages often adopt the trauma. The result will be girls who grow into women who:
- Abandon their authenticity;
- Sacrifice their needs for others;
- Crave for constant validation;
- Overlook their powers and potential.
The pattern of self-abandonment is inherited from one generation to the next. However, one woman in the generation can step aside and break the chain. And that woman could be you. You could identify the childhood trauma and signs that a mother wound was instilled in you and work your way out of it.
It is a way to regain your abilities to spread your wings for the better and give your next generation a healthy environment to grow in. Before we discuss healing, let’s niche down further.
Who Experiences Mother Wound?
Daughters of mothers living in a patriarchal society are often the victims of mother wounds. However, some psychologists suggest that mothers can instill this wound in their sons. Women in marginalized groups are also significantly affected by the side effects of the mother wound. These groups include:
- Immigrant women;
- Women of color;
- Women that are living in poverty.
Society has harsh expectations of these marginalized women and still expects them to become strong. Unfortunately, trauma and pain passed down to their daughters are all that come out.
Daughters have a high chance of experiencing a mother wound if their mother:
- focused on providing material support and not emotional support such as love, care, and security;
- was not empathetic to mirror their feelings and help them manage their emotions;
- prohibited the child from expressing their negative feelings;
- was too critical of even the most minor things;
- expected the daughters to fend for their emotional and physical needs;
- was absent for one reason or another, such as work;
- was an alcoholic or a drug addict;
- suffered from untreated mental disorders;
- was a victim of emotional or/and physical abuse and did not resolve the trauma, making them unable to nurture and love.
By reflecting on these aspects of your childhood, you may determine if you suffer from a mother wound. However, these are not always a guarantee. For instance, a mother can keep their job without instilling a mother wound in their child.
Signs That You Are Experiencing a Mother Wound
A mother wound is picked up in childhood and carried to adulthood. If the trauma is not resolved, the signs will manifest in your everyday life. The signs are often subtle; you can always connect them to your childhood.
Watch out for the following signs as they may indicate suffering from a mother wound:
- Feeling pressure to adhere to strict rules and expectations of womanhood;
- Taking care of others to the point of exhaustion;
- Fear of spreading your wings to actualize your full potential because you are afraid it will threaten others;
- Fear of exploring your potential in fear of failure or disapproval;
- Unexplained resentment and bitterness towards your children;
- Feeling pressurized to get a better life than your mother, even if it means not being true to yourself;
- Unconsciously fishing for your mother’s approval and permission even in your adulthood;
- Inability to practice self-care and ask for help when you need it;
- Feelings of discomfort whenever you spend time or money on self-care;
- Constantly questioning whether something is wrong with you or if you are good enough.
Many adult behaviors are linked to coping with a mother wound. Talking to your therapist about it can help you be more self-aware.
Effects of a Mother Wound
A mother wound adversely affects your ability to explore your potential. Any woman can suffer from a mother wound. But as we stated earlier, marginalized women are the most affected. This is why it is usually a big deal whenever marginalized women achieve something that the oppressive society puts out of reach for them.
For instance, despite the shift in things in the modern world today, it is often a big deal when women of color or immigrant women make it within many professional fields.
Here is how the mother wound affects its victims:
- Low self-esteem;
- Relationship difficulties due to their inability to trust;
- Lack of self-awareness, especially with managing feelings and emotions.
Mother Wound Healing
If the effects of a mother wound are not resolved, you risk passing it to the next generations. You want your children to grow in a healthy, supportive, and loving environment. You also risk staying in trauma and never exploring your full power and potential. This is why you need to resolve the trauma and pain.
Here are top tips to help you with mother wound healing:
- Express and acknowledge the trauma and pain: therapy and journaling are excellent ways to do this;
- Mother yourself and go strong on self-care;
- Forgive your mother and look at her as she is and not what she could have been;
- Prioritize yourself;
- Work on self-awareness, especially in understanding and managing your feelings rather than dismissing them.
The Bottom Line
It is easier for anyone suffering from a mother wound to blame their mothers. Unfortunately, this way, you keep sinking yourself deep into the trauma which affects your everyday life. And, you may sip it to your daughters.
The way out is to get therapy, acknowledge your feelings, and learn how you spread your wings despite what society might be telling you. Resolving the trauma means a happier you and happier future generations that will grow with the necessary emotional, mental and physical love and care.
Go out there and break the generational inheritance of pain and trauma.