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12 Signs You’re Still Suffering From Unhealed Trauma

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It can be tricky to recognize the signs of unhealed trauma. Most people are not even aware of how their unhealed trauma is causing disruptions in their daily lives. Often, when you go through a traumatic event, there is some degree of dissociation that happens and you may essentially “block out” all, or part, of the event, so your awareness of the trauma isn’t accurate. However, there are 12 common signs of unhealed trauma that you can look for.

12 Signs Of Unhealed Trauma

This is how unhealed trauma can look like:

#1: Low self-esteem

Studies have shown that patients with PTSD can have very low self-esteem and also have feelings of worthlessness. If you’ve experienced neglect and abandonment in the past, if you’ve been hurt by someone you loved, it can lead you down a path of questioning your self-worth and struggling to feel good about yourself.

#2: Codependency in relationships

Any type of trauma can lead to codependent relationships, in which the person who experienced trauma feels completely and destructively dependent on another. Codependency can lead you to question if you are loved and worthy, if others are and can be available and responsive to you, and if the world is safe for you.

#3: Fear of being abandoned

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Fear of being abandoned is a constant worry for the active codependent. The fear of abandonment can come from many places, but its origin is usually within early experiences. Abandonment is a fear that children have when their parents are too far away, or there must be a separation such as going to school for the first time. In these circumstances, a child feels afraid to be separated and can feel that the separation is permanent – that the parent will not return. 

In adulthood, having a fear of abandonment may lead to many negative circumstances, such as:

  • feeling unworthy of love;
  • staying in a toxic relationship so you won’t be alone;
  • feeling grateful for even unhealthy attention from others;
  • feeling insecure and inferior when comparing yourself to others;
  • accepting unacceptable behavior;
  • using addictive behaviors to feel better about yourself and your life.

#4: Trouble asking for help

Do you struggle to communicate with others and open up to your friends and family about your trauma? If your trauma was caused by mistreatment it can be a real struggle for you to ask for help. You would rather stay silent, oppressing all feelings inside than reach out to others for help or support. You may also have a fear of rejection or judgment from others, or you may be afraid of appearing weak to those around you.

#5: Craving for external validation

How can an unhealthy craving for external validation look like? Not being able to confront people or disagree, changing your thoughts and beliefs because someone else either approves or disapproves and ascribing your self-worth to the approval of others. These are examples of reliance on external validation.

#6: An innate feeling of shame

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Shame is a negative self-judgment and viewing yourself as worthless. No one is immune to feeling shame when it comes to experiencing trauma. However, there are certain types of trauma that are responsible for the slow rise of this emotion, such as traumas caused by sexual violence, intimate partner abuse, and childhood abuse. The reason why these traumas are prime is that they are extremely dehumanizing and humiliating by nature, which is the perfect recipe for shame to form. Shame can become a catalyst to partake in self-destructive behaviors, self-blame, self-neglect, perfectionism, and even link to suicidal thoughts or attempts.

#7: Not being able to tolerate conflict

Nobody enjoys conflict. It makes most of us uncomfortable and is often has a negative impact on any relationship. Fortunately, with conscious communication and emotional intelligence, most relationships can survive conflict and thrive through it. However, that’s not always the case. If you are a trauma survivor, conflict can be so deregulating and triggering that you will try to avoid it at all costs. This can not only be detrimental to your mental health but can also cause long-term damage to your relationships.

Does your hypervigilance kick in when you sense someone getting angry or frustrated? Do you immediately freeze when you hear someone’s voice is getting louder? Do you feel panicked and overwhelmed by arising conflict so that you’re willing to do anything to make it stop? If you answered ‘yes’ to these questions chances are you are still suffering from unhealed trauma.

#8: Worrying about the future

Worrying about the future is one of the most common types of overthinking where we imagine possible problems or dangers. “Of course, anticipating problems or threats in the future is often a good thing to do! But helpful planning is different from unhelpful worry in that worry doesn’t actually lead to new information or insights that can be helpful. For example, your spouse is on a plane flight and you start worrying about different ways the plane could crash and kill your spouse. This kind of thinking doesn’t actually keep your spouse safe, plus it adds a lot of stress and anxiety to you.” – Nick Wignall

#9: Resisting positive change

Do you feel suspicious of positive changes? Do you feel guilt or shame whenever something good comes into your life? Do you feel like you don’t deserve happiness? If you feel that you don’t deserve anything good in life, that can be another sign of suffering from unhealed trauma.

#10: Fear of Failure

Many people are afraid of failure and it’s considered to be normal. However, if you develop a strong fear of failure, it can be unhealthy and can start to outweigh your motivation to succeed. You may start missing out on opportunities because of this, and it can also lead to insecurity. Being afraid to not always be the best can be instilled in you caused by unresolved trauma that can make you have negative beliefs in yourself and internalize your shortcoming.

#11: Difficulty standing up for yourself and asserting boundaries

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If you have experienced trauma, you may have difficulty actively defending yourself, your desires, and your personal boundaries. Trauma impacts the way you understand and relate to your own boundaries.

Experiences that are very painful, or overwhelming, can flood your awareness and you may forget that you can say “no” to others who ask too much of you, don’t see, or respect your boundaries.

When others are pushing and crossing our boundaries, it can cause deep emotional damage so that you start believing that what you want or need or feel doesn’t really matter. Trauma can cause you to replace a healthy sense of your boundaries with a new belief that others are more important than you are, and that you need to keep other people happy and not make a problem.

#12: Being overtly agreeable

Agreeability seems like the quickest way to win approval. However, if you pretend to agree with someone/something just to keep everyone happy, you’re setting yourself and others up for future frustration.

Trauma Healing: Where To Start?

The first step of your healing journey is actually recognizing that you have trauma.

Here are some steps you can take to start healing:

#1: Seek out a therapist

Intuitive psychotherapy can be a good option to dive deeper into the root cause of your trauma.

#2: Be mindful of your body sensations

mindfulness in self-healing image

Most trauma survivors are disconnected from their bodies. By noticing your body sensations you will reconnect with your body and find out where your trauma is stored.

#3: Practice gentle yoga

Yoga practice will help you to come back into your body and start experiencing it as a safe place.

#4: Practice self-love and self-compassion

Self-love and self-compassion are crucial for healing from trauma. Be patient with your progress and be gentle with yourself.

#5: Build safe relationships

Develop conscious relationships with people who respond to you with love, kindness, and acceptance.

The Bottom Line

Trauma is a disconnective disorder, which means it does not usually get healed in isolation. Therefore, if you really want to heal from your trauma, you need to be connected to others. Then you create a new sense of self and a new future which involves redefining yourself in regards to meaningful relationships. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Give yourself time to fully heal and be happy!

Healing

Chakra Frequencies: 7 Powerful Tones For Sound Healing

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Our chakras play an essential role in how we feel and function mentally, physically, and emotionally. When we align the seven main chakras, we feel whole and fulfilled. You must also be aware that there are over 100 chakras in the human body. However, we need to align the seven main chakras arranged along the spine for a peaceful and harmonious feel in the body.

There are ways you can restore unaligned and blocked chakras in your body. One sure way to do it is to use chakra frequencies. In this article, we look at how you can use Chakra frequencies to regain perfect Chakra alignment.

What are Chakra Frequencies? 

Chakra frequencies are a type of sound therapy that comprises vibrational tones, sound, and music to enhance your emotional and physical well-being.

This kind of sound healing typically entails calm and soothing music and sounds such as:

  • Tuning forks;
  • Indian classical music;
  • Tibetan singing bowls.

To activate Chakras the sound therapists use specific sound frequencies to activate different chakras.

Activating the Chakras and Solfeggio Frequencies 

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Solfeggio frequencies are the sound frequencies associated with chakras. These sound frequencies vibrate at a specific Hz frequency while interacting with your brain to create desired results throughout the body.

Since ancient times, the Gregorian monks of Western Christianity and Eastern Indian religions use Solfeggio frequencies to promote stress relief, body calmness, and relaxation.

Despite being used in ancient times, these frequencies became popular in the 70s. Dr. Joseph Puleo discovered that six vibrational tones could create harmony in the body. He also found that these harmonies could heal the body and mind and eliminate subconscious negative beliefs.

Here are the six frequencies that Dr. Joseph Puleo discovered:

  • 396 Hz – This sound resonates with the root chakra. It can help eliminate trauma, fear, and guilt.  
  • 417 Hz – We associate this frequency with the sacral Chakra. It is great for taking your creativity to the next level. It is also instrumental in bringing positive change. 
  • 528 Hz – This Solfeggio frequency is vital in transforming cellular functions. You can use it to create a better neural path to the brain, which is connected to the solar plexus chakra
  • 639 Hz – This Solfeggio frequency is linked to the heart chakra. It is excellent for transforming your love and intimacy in life
  • 741 Hz – This tone is associated with the throat chakra. It is the ideal tone to choose to improve self-confidence, esteem, and communication skills. 
  • 852 Hz – We link this frequency to the third eye Chakra. It is vital for people who would love to improve their mental clarity and brain function.

Using the Solfeggio Frequencies to Heal the Chakras

The resonation of the Solfeggio frequencies has a significant positive impact on the chakras. For instance, the Schuman low-frequency resonance effectively promotes the synchronization of the higher brain. This is effective for your brain health as it matches the different brainwave states.

Here are ways different Solfeggio frequencies heal different chakras:

The Root Chakra

We associate the Muladhara, also called the Root chakra, with stability and security. Having this Chakra aligned guarantees you better success at having all basic needs. The root chakra vibrates at 396 Hz. This smooth vibrational tone is composed of long wavelengths that produce soothing sounds.

You can also listen to 396 Hz music to eliminate fear and guilt. It may also free you from negative emotions and feelings. If you want to eliminate fear and guilt while restoring courage and strength, we recommend sound that vibrates at 396 Hz.

Sacral Chakra

The Sacral Chakra is also called the Svadhistahana. This chakra governs our intimacy, sensuality, and sexuality. If you have these qualities right, you can easily connect with your passion in life. You can also achieve high levels of creativity.

The sacral Chakra vibrates at 417 Hz. If you want to drop the creativity block, listen to 417 Hz Chakra music. This frequency is also great for seeking to heal sexual and personal trauma.

When it comes to the physical, this sound can help relieve tension from body parts such as joints and muscles, especially around the hips. With this, you can quickly improve your mobility and flexibility.

Solar Plexus Chakra

The Manipura chakra, or the solar plexus, is associated with how we view ourselves. If the solar plexus chakra is balanced, you will have willpower, high self-confidence, and belief in yourself. You will be more determined to pursue your goals.

This Chakra vibrates at a frequency of 528 Hz. Listening to music at this frequency can make you more resilient while pursuing your goals. With this, you can ease anxiety and physical tension and improve your digestive health.

Heart Chakra

The Anahata chakra, or the heart chakra, is essential in decision-making. It can help you resolve things such as family or relationship disagreements. The correct heart chakra frequencies set you for more gratitude, compassion, forgiveness, joy, and empathy. You also open your heart more to receive and give love.

The heart chakra vibrates at a deep tone of 639 Hz. This frequency will connect your mind to your most vulnerable spots. This makes it practical for you to create and maintain peaceful and healthy platonic and romantic relationships.

Throat Chakra

The Vishuddha chakra, or the throat chakra, is the center of expressing ourselves. It helps us build qualities such as clear communication skills, which include expressing ourselves well while still being able to listen and welcome other people’s opinions.

If you are afraid of expressing or standing up for yourself, you may need to activate your throat chakra, which vibrates at 741 Hz. This vibration will boost your confidence and empower you to speak and stand your truth.

On the physical side, this frequency is effectively eliminating toxins and bacterial and viral infections.

Third Eye Chakra

We associate the third eye chakra, or the Ajna, with spiritual and physical vision. This chakra gives better and stronger eyesight on the worldly and physical levels. On a spiritual level, the third eye chakra opens up our vision to allow us to connect with guidance from our higher beings.

The third eye chakra vibrates at a frequency of 852 Hz. Listening to meditation music on this frequency can help make you more open-minded to view your mind and the world from a different perspective.

Crown Chakra

The crown chakra is the one to focus on if you want to deepen your spiritual roots.

This chakra, otherwise called the Sahasrara, is excellent for:

  • Taking the ego under control;
  • Understanding ourselves better;
  • Re-connecting with our Higher-self;
  • Attuning to a Higher consciousness;
  • Strengthening our connection with God;
  • Creation of deeper connections with nature.

The crown chakra has the highest frequency on the Solfeggio scale; it has a frequency of 963 Hz. These high vibrational tones have short wavelengths that will make you more conscious of the things around you. 

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Healing

What Is Betrayal Trauma? The Signs and Tips to Start Healing

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When someone you love and trust betrays you, it can make you doubt your sanity. Betrayal can be so traumatic you may even show early signs of PTSD. Think of the times a spouse discovers that their partner is cheating on them or into porn addiction. Or when a parent realizes a child is an alcoholic or drug addict. Such discoveries make you go through shock, denial, and other long-term emotional scars that strain the relationship. So, what is betrayal trauma? And, how can you manage and heal from it? Let’s have a detailed look.

Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Betrayal trauma occurs when people or systems we trust or rely on for survival violate that trust and emotional wellbeing. Ideally, we feel the urge to end a relationship with anyone who betrays us. Still, if you are in an attachment relationship where you rely on the betrayer to meet specific needs, walking away is not feasible.

It is this attachment to someone or an institution that you know is betraying you, that triggers deep emotional wounds. Typical examples of betrayal trauma include child neglect and abuse, sexual abuse, and infidelity between spouses.

6 Signs You Are Undergoing Betrayal Trauma

Betrayal trauma makes us question ourselves and our partners’ motives. It also triggers mood swings, irritability, memory loss, dissociation, isolation, lack of intimacy, and engaging in activities that distract us. Below are some additional tell-tale physiological, emotional, and mental signs of betrayal trauma: –

#1: Feeling Unsafe

When you identify the relationship with your spouse, friend, or workmates as a lie, the deception violates your trust. Moreover, you begin to question your judgment about other relationships you may have at the moment.

Emotional insecurity makes us: –

  • Struggle to open up on hard topics
  • Get defensive when criticized
  • Snoop around for clues or anything suspicious
  • Agreeing to everything
  • Blaming a partner for everything
  • Faking happy moments

#2: Gaslighting Partners

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Now, partners living a double life will do all they can to keep their other relationships a secret. At times, they may gaslight their spouses to make them question their perception of reality. For example, they claim you are overreacting when you ask about the numerous withdrawals from the family bank account. Likewise, they may blame you for triggering their short tempers, saying you changed after having kids.

#3: Self-Blame

Now, betrayal trauma makes us look inwards for answers. In hindsight, we end up blaming ourselves for being too busy and overlooking the red flags. You know, your partner’s sudden controlling behavior, deceit, gaslighting, verbal or physical abuse, and concerns by your friends or family members.

But since you love and trust your partner, wishful thinking and infatuation make you overlook all these tell-tale signs that something is amiss. Consequently, we blame ourselves, saying if only we were more attractive, loving, or had more money, the betrayal wouldn’t have happened.

#4: Overwhelming Secondary Guilt or Shame

If you hold a reputable leadership position in your community, church, school, or place of work, betrayal comes with overwhelming shame. Letting those around you know that you’re going through a divorce, or your child is a drug addict, or your parent is facing theft charges ruins the picture-perfect reputation you have. In addition, your feel ashamed for crying or not being strong enough for your kids during this challenging phase.

#5: Physical Distress

Typical physical signs of betrayal trauma include: –

  • Sudden panic attacks
  • Stomach distress
  • Sleep problems
  • Anxiety & depression
  • Easily prone to panic attacks by external triggers
  • Nightmares
  • Poor hygiene
  • Tiredness

Some physiological effects of betrayal trauma like tiredness and stomach upsets may resolve after a few weeks. Others like anxiety and depression can escalate into mental health complications unless addressed early.  

#6: Self-Destructive Impulses

narcissistic abuse survivor image

When undergoing betrayal trauma, you become vulnerable to negative impulses like: –

  • Having suicidal thoughts or attempts
  • Alcohol and drug misuse
  • Excessive smoking
  • Chronic self-injury like hair pulling, self-cutting, & nail-biting
  • Compulsive gambling, gaming, or shopping
  • Binge eating

Most victims know they are self-destructive. However, the urge to harm themselves is beyond their control.

Managing Betrayal Trauma

#1: Speak Up

Join community groups or online support forums and share your painful experiences with others. Doing so helps you know that you are not alone. Plus, you access valuable resources to help you cope with the trauma.

#2: Acknowledge Your Emotions

Start by forgiving yourself for being vulnerable to the abuser. Next, practice mindful meditation to help you release your negative emotions and begin your healing process. Journalizing how you feel each day will help you pinpoint the triggers in your self-harm behaviors or what you need to focus on in your healing journey.

#3: Practice Self-Love

Daily Self-Love Practices Image

Is your lifestyle self-destructive? Here are some self-love practices you can start right away: –

  • Practice clean eating
  • Quit smoking
  • Join your local gym
  • Go for a massage or forest bath
  • Take up a new hobby

Self-love helps us rediscover ourselves, boosting our self-esteem.

#4: Set Boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries after your spouse, friend, or colleague hurts you helps to achieve a sense of safety when around them. It is a necessary coping mechanism when you have no way of ending the relationship. Hence, you can: –

  • Review your expectations from the relationship
  • State what you can and cannot tolerate in the relationship
  • Discuss what you consider acceptable financial boundaries
  • Redefine how much friends and extended family can interfere with the relationship
  • Define what you consider as private

#5: Seek Professional Help

Betrayal trauma presents itself in a multilayer form that is best dealt with by an experienced professional. Indeed, an inexperienced family member may re-traumatize you by saying such things as “Did you stop getting intimate after having kids? Also, talk to an experienced family therapist or counselor about how the trauma affects your quality of life.

Conclusion

What is betrayal trauma to you? Well, if you experience an attachment injury when a friend, spouse, or colleague breaks the mutual trust you have, you may develop deep wounds that take time to heal. If your gut feelings tell your partner or parent is gaslighting you, they could be doing so to distract you from their deception. Likewise, if you feel unsafe, struggle with guilt, self-blame, or self-harm behaviors, seek professional help to heal from the trauma. Also, share your experience, rediscover yourself, and set firm boundaries to give you some peace of mind in this challenging time.

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Signs of Complicated Grief and How to Overcome It

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Grief is how we respond to losing our loved ones. It is a feeling accompanied by a lot of sorrow, pain, and numbness. Grieving can be devastating and draining both mentally and physically. Unfortunately, many people still face it every other day.

Now, with normal grief, people accept the new gap in their life and learn to live with it. For some people, the wound gradually fades off, and soon after, they pick a new routine. Many will embrace the recent change and learn to live with the scar.

However, this is not usually the case for all. Not everyone experiences normal grief. Some people experience complicated grief, which takes an even more significant toll on them.

What Are the Differences Between Normal Grief and Complicated Grief?

Complicated grief is also called complicated bereavement disorder. With normal grief, the pain, numbness, and sorrow fade with time. No, we do not get over the death of our loved ones. We learn to live with it.

The situation is different with complicated grief. The pain, sorrow, and numbness do not fade away with time. They stick longer and prevent you from resuming your day-to-day activities.

How Long Does It Take for It to Be Considered Complicated Grief?

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mood swings

It is essential to know that grief is different for everyone. People have different coping mechanisms to go through the loss of their loved ones. However, many psychologists agree that if the grief remains intense beyond 12 months after the bereavement, it can be considered complicated grief.

Some state that if the feelings are still unbearable six months to 1 year after the death, it is not normal grief. However, no rule is written in stone, and no scientific research states when grief graduates from ordinary to complicated.

Signs and Symptoms of Complicated Grief

If you cannot seem to gather enough will and power to pick up your routine after the loss of your loved one months after it happened, you are most likely experiencing complicated grief.

 Here are some other symptoms to watch out for:

#1: Poor mental health

Complicated grief is graced with depression, stress, and anxiety issues. These could manifest themselves in many ways, such as deteriorating hygiene or not being interested in activities you liked.

#2: You focus on nothing more than the death of your loved one

If you cannot seem to concentrate on anything else apart from the memories or what would have happened if they didn’t die, you may be experiencing complicated grief. This may also come out as an intense longing for the deceased.

#3: Feeling that life no longer has meaning

This is a familiar feeling shortly after you lose your loved one. However, if you feel like you have no more purpose living months after your loved one’s passing, you are experiencing it. You may also notice that you lack interest in any form of self-care.

#4: Bitterness about the loss

This may come out as intense feelings of anger. Sometimes, the blame game and the what-ifs may cloud your judgment.

#5: Suicidal thoughts

Many victims start experiencing suicidal thoughts since they feel like life has no more purpose.

#6: Overindulgence or escapism

This may come out as doing everything you can to avoid items or people that will remind you of your loved one. The opposite is also a sign of complicated grief, which happens when all you want to do is be around things that remind you of them.

You may also experience the following signs:

  • Lack of sleep or inability to stay awake;
  • Physical body pain;
  • Lack of appetite or poor eating habits;
  • Weakened immune system.

Causes

unhealed trauma symptoms image

You are probably wondering why some people manage their grief more gracefully while others have a difficult time. As we have stated earlier, grief intensity is different for everyone. Besides, there are no definite causes of complicated grief. However, the following situations put people at more risk:

  • The sudden or unexpected death of a loved one;
  • Witnessing the death;
  • Not getting a chance to spend the last moments with the loved one or not being present when it happened;
  • Experiencing more than one death over a short period;
  • People with a history of mental illnesses;
  • Not being able to iron out differences with our loved ones before they die; 
  • People with a history of substance abuse.

Treatment

Treating complicated grief involves accepting the death and taking steps to start healing the wounds. It may take time and patience, but it is a sure way to bounce back on your feet. Here are some steps to help.

#1: Bereavement therapy

The first reason you need bereavement therapy is that mental health issues typically accompany complicated grief.

 Secondly, a bereavement therapist will guide you on the steps to:

  • Accept the death;
  • Gain a better understating of your grief and mental state;
  • Cope with the loss of your loved one.

You can also join bereavement groups to get support from people who have been where you are.

#2: Talk it out

It would help if you got all the feelings and emotions out. Do not bottle them in. Lean on friends and relatives that can give you a listening ear and hold your hand.

Of course, you want to stick to friends who can let you be you. Be careful; words like “I understand your pain; I have been there” can take you back on your healing journey. Just surround yourself with friends that will let you grieve it out.

In short, don’t confide in friends that invalidate your grief. It makes your grief even more difficult. 

#3: Practice mindfulness

We do not get over complicated grief by avoiding the feelings. Facing it is the best way out. Mindfulness will help you face grief a day at a time. It is an excellent way to feel what you feel without disrupting or avoiding it. Practice mindful breathing and walking meditations to keep your mental and physical health in check while going through a difficult time.

Mindfulness can also involve journaling your life and your loved one’s life. You can even celebrate their life through a scrapbook. Mindfulness is one great way to deal with your grieving emotions head-on and learn to come to terms with life events. 

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